Let's face it: There are some ministry stories that we just can't share anywhere else but here, nor can we find humor in them while they're actually taking place. So...has anyone else gotten a "word" from someone that just made you laugh...or shake your head in disbelief? Here's my story (and the reason my best friend will never let me be with her when someone is giving her a kooky word again, lol!).
My friend had gone up for prayer for migraine headaches brought on by allergies, and later on, after the service, had the following conversation with a "Super Spiritual Lady (SSL...yes, another acronym!).
SSL: Do you...have a mother?
Friend: Well, yes. [Doesn't everyone?]
SSL: And did your mother have headaches?
Friend: Well, she did have three kids - I'm sure we gave her a few!
SSL: See, I knew you were going to say that. Because the Spirit told me that the reason you're suffering from headaches is because there is a generational demon that oppressed your mother, and is now oppressing you, giving you these headaches, and we need to pray against it.
[By this time, I had to excuse myself, because all the biting the insides of my cheeks and trying to look composed was not helping, and I was about to collapse in a pile of laughter - hence, the reason she now brings her husband and not me when someone has a private "word" for her.]
She, of course, was graceful and allowed this woman to pray for her. But later, she summed it up by saying: "First of all, the devil is not welcome in my house. Period. But I find it insulting that he would say, 'Hey, she's dangerous to me. I know: I bet I can stop her from working for the kingdom of God by giving her a headache!'"
To this day, two years later, all I have to say to make both of us crack up laughing is, "Do you...have a mother?"
So let's hear yours...I know we all have a few of these stories!!
Yeah. Was telling dh the other day about this lady and her reaction just the other day. We were doing a revival at this church (I only went to one service) and this lady asked if this was my first baby. I said no I have two so this is number three. She immediately started telling me I better put an end to it and be done cause the world is so bad kids dont stand a chance now days. I said no they dont if you dont keep up with them and keep a good relationship with them and I didnt even get my sentence out of my mouththan she started in again how there was no hope. It was just hopeless and it made no sense to have kids nowadays. I am in awe at her reaction and how she is jumping me (her tone and seriousness) you would have thought I was taking a chewing for something. I just smiled and said "oh goodness. I know." and nodded and looked at dh begging him to rescue me! When I told him he laughed and said hey that type of thing makes great ministry material. It wasnt too funny at the moment. She definately needed a chill pill.
As far as SSL: I had one one time tell me I had several spirits in me (depression, anger, ect..) and in time God would show me what they were and would deliver me as i prayed to him. First off if I had any spirits I wanted thiem gone right then and there and if she were that spiritual she should have cast them out. Second, I was a very young adult. I was blown away and started begging God to show me then and there. I got home all upset, told dh and we prayed. Lord told me she missed it. He wouldnt torment me like that. But it was hard to shake. Now its just a joke!! People can get out there sometimes!
We are in the same town as Rodney Howard Browne's church - "The River" - but not close to them - as Tampa is big and we are probably 25 min. away or so. Well, one day a lady stopped by the church office for prayer. Our children's pastor prayed for her, but she wasn't happy with that and asked to see someone else. Why, I don't know. Our CP is wonderful. So he comes in and gets me and says, 'can you come help this lady?"
When I went out she said she wanted prayer. I asked if she was a Christian and if so what was her home church. She said, The River. I said, "okay, so did you think of going to your pastor?" She said, "it's too far from my house to their church office so I came here." (Note: don't you think people should consider this when choosing a home church? Sometimes they go where the bang is on Sunday but are too far to receive ministry during the week, but that's another pet peeve of mine. I could tell story after story about that.....)
So she said first of all she wanted prayer for her legs because she's "under severe attack." Didn't explain what that meant - couldn't fully articulate it, just said to pray. So I did.
Note that this lady was not elderly nor senile -- we're talking about a bona fide SSL here.
I thought we were done but she said.......no, I needed to come outside and pray for her van. I was a big puzzled. I noticed a dodge van outside of our office doors and asked why she needed prayer for the van. She said, "Satan is in my van." Okay..................
Trying to keep a straight face I said, "Mam, with all due respect, Satan is not omnipresent and if we have him trapped in a Dodge van in Tampa, by all means let's keep him there!"
She didn't like that idea, said she couldn't stand it anymore and to please get him out. I have to admit to you, I was busy, had a lot of work on my desk I needed to get back to and I just wanted to get her out of there. So I laid a hand on the side of the van by the driver's side and started to pray but she said, "no, no no! you have to open the door so he can get out when you pray!!!" (She was dead serious) So she opened the driver's side door and asked me to pray. The whole time I'm praying, our children's pastor and youth pastor are standing at the office door cracking up (she couldn't see or hear them from her vantage point) but I knew they were there thinking, "look at Pastor Deanna dealing with this kook!" I prayed and she thanked me and got in the car and left.
Our staff still teases me about it. I'm like, "hey, I had alot of work to do and it was easier to just pray and get her out of there!"
My story still pops to the top of my memory stream from time to time. I chuckle and go on.
Ummmm, maybe 30 years ago, I lived in the mountains (as I do now, but different mountains). I had 3 kids at home, one in college. Our house sat on half an acre of beautiful foothills. DH had a job. My kids were in private school and we had a good savings and certainly were not aware that we were in trouble financially...not even slightly.
I was doing children's ministry at the time and was asked to do puppets and children's meetings while that particular church held a revival. The revival preacher was wild. I felt very intimidated by her boldness. Anyway, the point there is that she and I just didn't click, but it didn't matter because I was dealing with kids while that revival was going on. No prob....
After one service, I dismissed the children while some of the altar work was still going on. Tip toe, shhh, shhh. Got kids with parents and stood at the back waiting for the service to end.
The revival preacher called me forward and she began to pray for me. She was praying against my poverty and praying that God would release me from my poverty and prosper me. I stood there with my eyes wide open (mouth too probably) and watched her come against, and pray for.
It was the strangest thing I'd ever experienced. I absolutely fought laughter until she stopped praying for me and moved on to another person.
We do Saturday night prayer every week, which the staff is expected to attend. So DH and I dragged ourselves there this past week (about two hours after I got back from the Women's Retreat, no less!). YP was leading, because SP was out of town, and PW and our women's ministry leadership team were still tearing down/wrapping up the retreat.
So...because of all these factors, it was just YP, DH and me for about an hour. We prayed individually, and then came together for group prayer, just as we always do, figuring that we'd just make it an early night and go home.
But no...at about 8:00, two ladies came waltzing in and proceeded to drag the prayer meeting even longer...praying against the spirit of Halloween over the town this weekend (while YP, who had just come from taking his two kids to the community "safewalk" trick-or-treating event, just looked at the floor and tried not to laugh!)...praying against the spirit of this and that, etc...DH and I were very careful not to make eye contact with each other
Towards the end of prayer, I broke out into a hacking cough. Probably a combination of allergies and just plain being exhausted. But I felt an explanation was in order. So once we were done praying, I just said, "Sorry...allergies...I went on the nature walk at the retreat and it must be just hitting me now."
They said, "Well, can we pray for you?"
"Sure," I said, completely unprepared for what was next. Apparently, there is a "spirit of allergies," too, and I, along with my friend, am plagued by the generational spirit/curse that causes what we have lovingly begun to refer to as the "histamines of darkness." Somehow, I got through it. DH said on the way out, "Won't Erika be thrilled to know that the two of you share a demon?"
Yup. They're everywhere!! Fruits, nuts, and flakes. At least none of them are in leadership at this church .
Even in the small churches. Being PW, I attend every service even when I probably should have stayed home. One night I went up for prayer, and due to allergies began coughing. This lady placed her had on my chest and began to rebuke the demon that was possessing me. She informed me that God loved me. Well DUH!
Why is it when a fat lady goes up for prayer, it is because she thinks no one loves her, she is lonely, or she thinks she is not worthy? I hate to disappoint people, but some of us are completely aware of God's love, our worthiness, and are not lonely. I can't count the times I have been prayed for on those issues. Hard to stand there sometimes.
I hear ya! As if losing weight wasn't hard enough when we're just doing it for our health - let's attach all sorts of extra spiritual baggage to it, too!!!
I helped support the Deaf studies department at a college (very interesting experience for a person who can only sign the alphabet, lol!), and another pet peeve is that people assume when a Deaf person comes forward for prayer, that it's for "healing."
As if there is nothing else that they need - a fresh touch from God...prayer for a friend or family member...whatever! And people in the Deaf community do not consider themselves to be "broken" or "sick." It's actually very offensive to that culture to imply that...
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