I had the same happen recently. It's a difficult dilemma. Here's the conclusion I came to. I had to deliver a strong word to someone who was in rebellion. I did so, in privacy at the altar, not detectable to the audience, but only to the one I was speaking to. It was strong...it was definitely God. They definitely did not relish it, but it was right.
Sometimes you have to deliver a strong word and it cannot be candy coated. Yes, a spoonful of sugar does help the medicine go down, but that was sung in a musical, not written in the Bible. The Bible does say that a soft answer turneth away wrath, however giving a prophetic word is not the same as answering an angry person...
The bottom line is, sometimes a leader must be strong.
Have you ever read Bevere's "Breaking Intimidation"? He shares about how he gave a strong word to a congregation and many were angry. A man in the church asked him to get up in the next night of the revival and smooth it over and apologize. He did not but he got up and didn't come on so strong and really mellowed out. The spirit was quenched and he felt odd, could barely function. Then he realized he was intimidated by that guy and he prayed a prayer to break the intimidation and he once again told them the truth. The stronghold was broken.
I sometimes give my kids a strong word when I am correcting them and I have to do it without a cheery voice. I have to give a serious warning that they mustn't do something. To go back and say, "oh, did I hurt your feelings?" would dilute that correction.
IMHO, you should not go back on this however, you have to get a witness from God on that in your spirit for yourself, this is just me......obviously.
I think that an important factor is to be certain "you" were out of the equation (i.e. motives,abrasive personality,etc). As long as we examine our heart and give the word in it's purest form, it does not matter if the word was strong. Often it's not what we say it's how we said it. However, with prophecy I remember in our first church in the South, when a prophecy came forth and the deliverer said the word: "Fixin" to do..." That struck me so funny that "God" would say fixin but then I realized that we humans are just the interpreter. A humble spirit is what is most important.
Once, a lady who is a non-regular attender but planted in a church in my city, spoke with me privately after a service about my dh and I. I didn't "like" the word because it was an admonishment to be careful of the sin of familiarity. It also required humility on our part to examine if there's any truth to it and is God trying to tell us something. However, I was so moved by it that I made some personal changes in my life. #1 I lost the extra weight I had gained from stress and emotional eating. #2 I stopped being so passive and stepped out in my gifts. #3 I began to express my thoughts/feelings more openly as opposed to just going along with everything my dh thought was best on every issue of our family or church.
Anyway, I woke the sleeping giant! My dh has been all over me! We have never had a rocky marriage or any internal conflicts that we couldn't come into agreement/unity on as we worked through the challenges. So, even though I didn't want to accept that familiarity had happened to "us" ; I received the word as from God and worked on getting better not bitter! Yes, I cried. Yes, I hurt. But it was a good kind of hurt. Like many men, my dh never admitted that it was a problem but his responses to the changes I made showed me the word was right on!
If the person wants God's best, they will take your prophecy to Him and humbly ask his help in that area. Meanwhile, continue to walk in love and humility. It covers a multitude of human errors and is to be pursued above all.
P.S. Are you and your dh pastoring together? Which is the head pastor?
