Hope everyone having an awesome weekend. I have been trying to get back on a diet and have just got really done on myself the past couple of days. I just need someone to listen. If you all would pray that the Lord will send someone along that is willing to listen and not be judgemental or run and tell everyone in the county what I say. I just feel like I have no one right now and everything is falling in on me; emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. I know He want put more on us than we can, but I honestly can't handle anymore. My dh get irriated when I get down, he expects me to always be smiling and happy, well sometines that is not possible in the world I live in, maybe things are different in his world. Sorry, just had to vent that out. I came to my office just so I could be alone for a few minutes, but that just ended. Got to go pick up our youngest daughter and my dad's house. Please help me pray about needing someone to talk to. Excuse any typos!
Well, until you find somebody there in person, come here and talk to us. We are always here for you. I understand the squeeze you are feeling. Ministry is so isolating sometimes. I'm glad to hear that you truly want to find somebody to talk to in person, it's just a matter of finding them. Do the ministers in your area get together for anything? I find sometimes it's best to get a pastor/spouse within an hour's drive. Sometimes not right in the same town but a neighboring one. You feel a little more safer with that...
We understand. You don't have to put the smile on here. Just be yourself. If you can share any more specifics with us we will try to listen and help you figure things out.
Deanna, in response to your question about pastor's getting together: Unfortunately, they don't some have tried to put something together before, but there seems to be no one interested. More details: Oldest child has gone completely wild, drugs, no job, left our grandchild in our care and rarely visits the baby (4 yrs). Our finances are in chaos. Just heard from accountant we owe again this year and are still paying on last years. Lost our home due to paying for dd autos and giving her money. I know that was our fault, we are learning. It is hard to say no. This has been a good lesson for our youngest. Emotionally, I hate myself. I feel so alone in this world. DH is rarely around, always doing something for the church or church people. We don't take anytime off we are literally full time, 24/7. If we do get to go out of town it is always for church business at our expense. I can't take much more. Don't get me wrong I know we are in God's will. DH and I don't have a relationship, we have a marriage license. I need him to show some kind of interest in me, I catch myself wandering why he even married me. If I am the repulsive, why marry me. Physically, well I'm overweight, no energy, female problems that I pray the Lord takes care of, because last time I had these problems the surgery cost me over $18k. Spiritually, I'm not reading and praying like I need to. That is my fault I know, but (always a BUT somewhere) I just don't understand how the Lord could continue to let me and my family go through everything we are going through. I just want to know Lord? Where are you? I know he is there, but maybe venting this will help.
Giving you a HUGE hug across the miles, because I have SO been there - wondering where God is, and if He even exists (then, not being able to deny His existence, thinking that He must not like me very much!).
My husband and I are emerging from two years of hell on earth...financially, emotionally, in our former ministry...and I look back now and wonder, "How on earth did I survive that?"
But I did. And so will you. I don't know how God is going to come through for you, but I know that He is! If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be working full time in the ministry, for a great (functional!) church; that I'd move to another state; that our financial problems were going to be "solvable," and that I'd be sitting here giving someone else comfort and advice, I'd have honestly laughed in their face. That's how hopeless things were for me.
I rarely read or recommend "spiritual self-help" books, as I call them (Nothing against them - I just like fiction better!), but I would strongly recommend that you get ahold of the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. This was, for me, the beginning of letting God pull me out of the slump I was in. Remembering what He REALLY thinks of me. Powerful stuff!!
And I echo the others who have been here when I say we're here for you. This board has been a lifeline for me since I discovered it. We've all done our share of venting and rejoicing with each other here. No one here is perfect, nor do we claim to be - take off the happy mask and feel free to be yourself here!!
I understand. Things feel overwhelming right now. You are dealing with A LOT of things at once that seem unsurmountable, but God is in control. I encourage you to read FLOW's "Word" on her post. It's encouraging and just what you need to hear.
We are praying for you and we're here to listen or do whatever we can.
Missy: Just want you to know that I'm praying for you today.... for joy, for peace, for the Lord to take you in His arms & shower you with His love & presence. The southern gospel song comes to mind "There's a miracle in the making, one just for you, the Father's working even now...."
I hear the brokeness in your post and I want you to know that you are so greatly loved. Strangely you are telling us that you hate the person that God loves so much... And at the point that he wants to lavish his love upon you, you need to realize that you are rejecting love from the greatest lover. Find your yes in Him. You have sacrificed so much to take care of your family and you feel unappreciated, as if all that you have done is in vain. But it is not in vain. Your labor of love has not gone unnoticed. Your heart for the people of God has caught the very attention of the greatest lover. God himself has seen what you have done, he has captured your every tear, he has cradled you through the night, and He is watching you right now.
I know what it is like to swallow your pain. Sometimes we even eat food with our bread of sorrow, but much of the weight that you are talking about losing has nothing to do with metabolism, body style, or even diet. It is depression that has caused you to become bloated. And the reality is that being overweight is one problem but being overweight with internalized stress and depression is deadly. Trust me I am tipping the scales higher than I should be and I just had a true wakeup call that I have to redirect my pains, but I have grasped hold to God's plan for me... Because I am receiving EVERYTHING he said in Ephesians 1... BLESSED WITH EVERY SPIRITUAL BLESSING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately, sometimes in the ministry we lose perspective. We actually get the idea that we have to be all things to all people, and God never called us to that. You were not called to bear the weight of the world nor were you charged with carrying their sins. As a matter of fact the person who holds that position wants you to let Him do His job. Jesus is looking at you asking why you keep taking his assignments off of his desk when you have your own assignment before you. Be who He called you to be. You are not the mercy seat - you are called to usher people to it. You are not the throne of grace - you are called to lead people to it. You are not the atonement - you are not the sacrifice - you are not the altar, and you are wrong when you think that spilling your blood will take care of the problems.
We often use the phrase in church that you need to let go and let God. Sounds good doesn't it, that is because it is really all that we are required to do. The Bible says, "the earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein..." When you try to solve the problems of the world, you are telling God that he is not enough.
I also need you to know that you are not alone in your depression. Your husband is going through his own depression and his own devaluement. He feels (even if he never tells you, let me tell you because I sense this strongly) that he is less than a man because he can not provide everything that he wants to provide for his family. He may speak hurtful things to you but he is dealing with an inner hurt and frustration and you are receiving, strangely enoug because he knows the power of your strength.
Don't let this stress defeat you. God has already made an appointment to bless you, he loves you so completely and wants nothing but the best for you.
What is your relaxation technique, what do you like to do? If you can't afford to do that, then do as we used to do in kindergarten when they wanted to get us to be quiet and keep us happy, go get a box of crayons and a coloring book.
Don't pressure yourself by being an analyst, stop finding fault in yourself... Being an accuser is the devil's job, and you are God's own elect... So stop accusing yourself. Mistakes are lessons learned. Look from the end of the situations that you have already come through and see what you have learned... You did what you felt was best for your family and you made a choice to save your child instead of saving your home, recognize that for what it is, you chose flesh and blood over bricks and mortar... Wouldn't God do the same? You are in debt and I can relate with you there also... Owing more than you are owning, I get that too... But hear me - GOD KNOWS, GOD CARES AND HE IS THERE!
I'm another sister struggling with her weight. From my heart I said I hate the day I found solace in food. But at the same time kind of scared what else I might have turned too if it wasn't food.
