You are anointed, too!

first lady · Status: Offline

You are anointed, too!

Trace · Status: Offline

Wow, First Lady: You've given us quite a loaded question and I'm sure that there are much wiser ladies on the board than I. But I will give you my two cents.

First, your friend's husband: pastor or not, he was a creap. Sorry if that sounds bad. Anyone that has sex w/ young girls is a creap in my book. He deserves to be exactly where he is at. And yes, God can do miracles & forgive him, but he deserves his punishment.

Now, please please please be cautious about taking advice from your friend right now. I know that she is your friend & we value our friend's advice. But she has been EXTREMELY hurt (who wouldn't?) & her view of marriage, the pastorate, etc. is tainted right now. You can't base what has happened to her (which has been horrible) & think that "I am in a similar position; we were both stay at home moms; we both have X number of kids; what if my dh does the same thing?"

Instead, you need to focus on the biblical idea of marriage. You were given to dh to be his helpmate, his partner. You, and only you, can be the mother to your children. Children are a blessing from God. You are not dependent on your dh to make sure your needs are provided for. Instead, you are dependent on GOD to make sure all of your needs are provided. IMHO, when you are married, you will never be independent, neither husband nor wife. God said that you were to leave your family & cling to one another. It's ok, it's a God-thing, to be dependent on your husband. In turn, he should be dependent on you as well. Embrace being married. Embrace the fact that your husband loves you. Embrace the fact that you, not someone else, is training your children in the ways of the Lord. Remember, Jesus didn't get married, but He didn't go about His ministry / living solo either.

Now, with that being said, I realize that you are scared of losing yourself, your dreams, your annointing, your passion in the day to day events of your life, being a wife & mother. I am there with you. How can I be doing something for God when I am mopping my kitchen floor? Isn't there more to life than cleaning up baby spit up? God has placed you in a very important place right now. You're with your children. You may be raising the next Billy Graham or T.D. Jakes, or the doctor that discovers the cure for cancer. Life for you may be different than what you expected or planned, but it does not have to be put on hold. The phrase "bloom where you are planted" comes to mind. The Word says WHATEVER your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might. Be the best wife & mom that you can be.

I always try to give practical advice. So here goes... What are your dreams & plans, both big & small? Write them ALL down. Ask yourself some questions: 1. Are these God's dreams & plans for my life? Do they line up w/ Scripture? Is this me or Him? 2. What steps are going to be needed to achieve these? Take them one goal/dream at a time. 3. Which of these can I work on now, while I'm getting ready to have another baby & raising the kids I have now? 4. Then take one goal at a time & set up a schedule to work towards that goal. For instance, on Tuesday this week, while the kids are napping, I'm going to look up how to ____ on the internet.

And finally, if you haven't already, check out www.flylady.com Now flylady isn't "Christian" per se, but she gives a unique approach to housecleaning & puts a good perspective on it all. Now, you may be one of those women who have a perfect house & they nevery have a hair out of place (I've seen some of those women & I don't know HOW they do it: flylady's term is "born organized".) Even if you are one of those "b.o." women, I still think you will benefit from flylady's positive approach & how housecleaning, etc, is "BLESSING" your family.

OK. I'm really closing this time... It's hard. Living isn't easy. Being a wife isn't easy. Being a mother isn't easy. Doing it all perfectly, when you want to, impossible.... I don't have many answers at all. I struggle to achieve my dreams. I find that I, too, lose myself in being the pw, dh's wife, my kids' mom. I find that I play many roles in life, and I long for the day when Tracy can just be Tracy. I dream about the day when I can focus on myself & have time to reach for the stars. How & when, even IF, it's going to happen, I do not know. But IF & when it does, I know that I want my husband & kids to be there with me.

I love you girl. You know I'm walking the same road with you & I'm here for you if you need me. Just p.m. me. I'm praying for you.

Trace

Send_Judah · Status: Offline

I agree with Tracy. Your friends view of marriage is quite tainted.

Our families are our first ministry. That was hard for me to accept when the kids were much younger and I couldn't go to the bathroom by myself!

I wanted to go back to school and get my degree. Well I had to put those plans on a back burner. Crying babies needed me and I just did not have the resources to do it all. So I took the time to pour into my children the things of God. Eventually I had to go back to work to help support the house.

Dh has been supportive of my aspirations...and when the kids were big enough, I was in a major photo competition a few years ago which was a huge dream of mine. Come to think of it...I haven't been in the dark room since then... but I digress.

Your little ones need you right now. I hated hearing that when I was home but it was the truth and hubby and I are reaping the benefits right now of all that early work I did.

And I did the very thing Tracy mentioned. I wrote down what I wanted to accomplish and I've done it. Well almost everything...I wanted to pledge a sorority but God wouldn't let me! Slammed that door shut!

Sometimes we're too close on a situation. We need to step back and get God's perspective on a thing.

I hope my ramblings made sense.

puppetmaster · Status: Offline

I agree with what has been said so far...

I will also add: I have some serious "trust issues" that I am still working on regarding my husband, because of the way my parents' marriage ended up. My dad used to be super-involved in our church - he was an usher, the church treasurer, taught adult Sunday School, etc. I remember as a little kid sitting on his lap and and listening to him read the Bible story for the night. When I was disciplined by him, it was always, "Now what does the Bible tell us we should do?"

Then, it almost seemed like it was overnight (probably wasn't, but I was about 7-8 years old!), and everything changed. He completely backslid, gave up on God and Christianity, and eventually made the decision to file for divorce.

So in the back of my mind, the enemy has whispered, "Yeah, your husband is living for God now, but just wait a few years..." and I have had to learn to wear my armor daily to combat thoughts like that!

I say all this to tell you something I have learned: If you have a thought in your head that isn't edifying in some way (even conviction from the Holy Spirit is edifying - not condemning!), then it's probably not God speaking to you. And if it isn't God, it can only come from one other source, and we have power over him. Don't compare your situation with anyone else's! God will deal with your friend's husband...so that leaves you free to dwell on the relationship you have with your husband and family - and the plans that He has for you!

Boy, this is getting long-winded! But also...once you have completely submitted all your plans...your hopes and dreams...to God, He will either bring them to completion, or give you new ones, beyond your wildest imagination. I am living proof of that!!

God bless you .

Deanna · Status: Offline

Great advice from everybody on this...

And I found even with little ones, you can still have some of your dreams come true during that time (aside from taking care of them) they are just more limited. The older they get, the free-er you are, however, that doesn't mean that you do absolutely nothing for yourself at all. You have to have an "outlet" so to speak.

Realize that as the kids grow, things get much easier with pursuing other ministry and life dreams. Those years go by very fast, as well. When you are in them you feel like they are so slow because of the physical demands of just changing 10 diapers a day or more and the day feels long and tiring, but trust me the years do go by quickly. Many people said to me, "you won't remember the stress of that at all." Well, I do. I remember how hard it was. Now that it's over I don't say, "that wasn't really that hard, I just thought it was." It seems to me that many women think that but I honestly don't understand where they are coming from. Maybe they hate the teen years or something, I don't know. Many women say they forget all about the pain after a baby is born. I never did. I remember how much it hurt! I guess I'm one of the weird ones who really remembers the pain of childbirth and also the physical exhaustion of young children. I realize that you are having tiring, long days and it seems endless. But just remember, it won't be always, and as they grow things will become easier. And you will be glad you invested those years!

I say all this to let you know my prayers and empathy are with you. Too many times when I expressed how exhausted I was or how "endless" it seemed, these "super mommies" would comment on how they don't even remember the pain, or look back and revel in the memory of the exhaustion of those years and I think, "WHAT IN THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

You're in our prayers and we love you. Come here to talk to us and just vent anytime. We understand.

Love you,

Deanna