I really need you ladies' prayers. I have been a pw for 7 years and a youth pastors wife for at least 2 years. I still can not get used to this life. I am so shy. I have come a long way,though. I desire to talk more, to teach the ladies more. (At least I started doing this 2 months ago). I do not know what is wrong with me. I have suffered low self esteem in the past. I still struggle sometimes. I have to constantly tear down thoughts of low self worth.
I even taught this last week in class (low self esteem). I do not think it is so much the low self esteem. I just am so shy. I always feel that I am never enough. I feel like I embarrass my husband when we meet new couples b/c I am so quiet and shy. Sometimes I do not know what to say. Most days I want to give up, but I see a different person, who wants to come out, inside of me.
I told my husband today, that I see someone inside of me, I just cannot manifest her outward. This is so frustrating.
I see a woman who is so bold, and radical(on the inside), not shy and introverted.
I do love people, I just want a better personality.
Do you have any tips or advice in this area. I can not stay bound to this any longer.
Believe it or not my dh is the shy, introverted one. I'm the extrovert. He has to really work at people interaction and it's still not too comfortable.
It's a conscious effort. He writes himself how-tos and proper responses so he doesn't forget.
Hes happier saying nothing but that's not possible since he's SP!
It's going to take effort on your part and a willingness to move from your comfort zone.
The Lord wants to help you out of this bondage and fear - your people need you - and the Lord wants to give you to them as a gift. So you're right, it's time to be free.
Begin by simply going up to people one at a time and as you talk to them - ask them questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. Just begin to ask them basic questions and they will love being with you! Try this first, I promise it will bring some results!
I have, in the past, felt so in adequate because in our marriage, I'm the introvert and my DH is the extrovert. And when I say he's an extrovert, I mean that no matter how friendly and bubbly I am, next to him, I look like the Ice Queen.
Now in some situations, that's not a huge deal, but when I'm the called pastor in our relationship, it has appeared odd when he's the first one to go up to a kid or a parent, smile, and shake hands. And he just does it because he's a friendly guy and likes to meet new people - not because he's a pastor's spouse! I am completely confident giving a sermon or being on stage - but when it comes to the face-to-face "small talk" that is so necessary in our line of work, he is MUCH better at it than me.
What has worked for me is, as everyone has said, prayer. I finally realized that God created me with my specific personality type, and He called me - knowing who I was, and I asked Him not to help me overcome being an introvert, but to help me use that quality in my ministry.
Don't get me wrong - I don't use it as an excuse to be a wallflower! Along with prayer, there is the matter of forcing myself to be outgoing. To think, "I may be an introvert (meaning I'm more comfortable, and I draw more energy when I'm alone!), but I can still be an outgoing, friendly person."
Don't despise your personality type - you are exactly the person that some church members need to relate to them!!!
Hi, First Lady: It's good to hear from you. I really can relate to what you are saying. I've also always been shy, but I'm not as bad as I used to be. It took me until my senior year in college before I would raise my hand & ask a question in class. But I was also involved in activities that forced me to get up in front of people. One of the scariest moments in my life was getting up & praying in chapel at a Christian college. I just knew that all those Christian theologians w/ doctorates would be out there picking my prayer to pieces. But I realized that the only thing that mattered was that my prayer was sincere to the Lord. And I realized that the people out there (most anyway) weren't listening to me but praying to the Lord also.
I write this b/c I think when a person is dealing w/ being shy, they are dealing w/ 2 different things. First, you are dealing w/ your personality, your God-given personality. Look for the strengths in your personality. For example, my baby sister is wonderful. She is absolutely amazing. She has one of those bubbly personalities that people are drawn to. I would love to be like her. I'm not. I'm quiet. I'm shy in new situations. But my sister gets in trouble w/ her mouth. She tends to say everything that comes to mind, regardless if it gets her in trouble or not. I, on the other hand, tend to be a lot quieter. I've learned to think before I speak. I get in a lot less trouble w/ my words than my sister. I am also an analyzer. I am a problem-solver. Quieter? yes, but no less valuable. Be thankful to God for who you are. As Puppetmaster said, there are people who are really going to be able to relate to you & will be drawn to you because of your quiet strength.
The second issue you have to deal w/ is of course your fear. This is the part that you do not like. I was in a woman's conference last year & one of the speakers said something that really stood out to me. He said that the devil is out to steal our authority. As Christians, we have God-given authority. But the devil tries to belittle us, make us think bad about ourselves, convince us that we are nothing. We literally give up our authority. But in Christ, we are SOMEBODY!! You, my dear, are a PRINCESS -- A CHILD OF THE KING!!!!! Live like you are a princess. You have royal blood! You are beautiful! Walk in your authority. I suggest that you write down a list of all of your good points. You have many. I can start your list for you.
1. I am a princess - a child of the King! 2. I am loved for who I am. 3. I am fearfully & wonderfully made. 4. I am a wonderful wife & mother. 5. I am caring & compassionate. 6. I am a soul toucher/winner. 7. I am beautiful.
I'm serious, write down a list. Post it somewhere where you can see it everyday or put it in your Bible. Think on these good things. When you're having doubts about yourself, go to your list. Remind yourself of all of your good points. (It's not wrong to think good about ourselves; we just shouldn't think more highly than we ought & you definitely don't.) Take back your authority. And walk in confidence & boldness.
Does this mean you will become the life of the party? Probably not. And one other thing, a lot of shyness comes from wondering what other people are thinking about us. We tend to think they are thinking the worst of us. But most are not. Most people (9 out of 10 people even) are not looking for your faults or wanting you to fail. They are looking at you & thinking what a wonderful wife & mother, teacher, speaker, etc. They are wanting you to succeed. (That other person is the C.A. personality & we don't care what they think anyway!)
.
