I have a question about an incident that happened at our house last night. I don't want to make too much of a big deal about it but I also want to do the right thing.
Okay, so, I have two daughters, 11 & almost 13. They are really good girls. They don't really give us much trouble, just the normal stuff, like their opinion on what they want to wear to church on Sunday etc. They are respectful and both have a best friend each, who happen to also be good girls. We always let their friends come over b/c we really don't mind having the extra kids here. So here's my dilema. Yesterday they asked if their friends could come over for a sleepover. I said sure, no problem. However, there's one condition. At 11:00pm everything shuts down and everyone goes to bed. -no t.v. -no computer and no reading or music. I thought that was reasonable. The reasoning behind this (which I made clear to the girls) was that the last time there was a sleepover, the girls stayed up so late and awoke me in the middle of the night so of course, I was not a pleasant person in the middle of the night. Anyway, they agreed to this arrangement and so did their friends. I think you know where I'm going with this now.
I went to bed around 10:30 assuming that since they were on their last movie, that as soon as it was over, they would go to bed too. I trusted them.
This morning when we got up, my youngest daughter tells me "oh mom, we stayed up t'ill 3:00am" so I asked my oldest daughter, "what time did you guys go to bed?" and she says "around 5:00am" Yikes!!! - so they apologized and said there understanding was that b/c they made sure they were extra quiet and not to wake me they thought it was okay....soooo I haven't given them any correction as yet 1. b/c my youngest dh's friend is still here and 2. b/c I'm not sure what to do. - I mean should I be a little lenient b/c they did in fact tell me (which I would have never known b/c I didn't hear them therefore probably wouldn't have even thought to ask) and they have friends sleep over only every once in a while so of course they're going to want to stay up and spend as much time with them as possible - after all it's the week-end. Then I think about the principle of the whole thing. - so if I should correct them b/c of their disobedience, how should I correct? -by having a sit-down talk with them or should it be a little more severe. I really don't know...any suggestions, comments etc. would be greatly appreciated.
I believe they thought the whole issue was waking you up. And they probably thought as long as we do not wake her up, that's all she cares about. Assuming that, because you allowed it to happen before -- you do not have a problem with them staying up, only with you waking them up.
I would not do a drastic punishment in this case. I would sit down and let them know you are disappointed that they did not follow your exact instructions. Let them know you need them to follow through and obey exactly in the future. And, if this would ever be repeated, you would know you cannot trust them with even bigger things, and they would have even more strict guidelines upon them for their activities.
Me personally, because I would believe it was a misunderstanding of what you desired (not staying up at all, versus not waking you up) I would give them a very stern warning this time.
Next time if they disobeyed it, I would absolutely lower the boom!
This is just my 2 cents...I'm sure others differ with this as there are so many wide ranging ways that we all deal with our kids.
Thanks, Deanna. After speaking with my husband about it too, he brought up exactly what you said. It was probably a misunderstanding. I really appreciate your insight and suggestions.
I was going to say the same thing...I'm not a parent, but I know that as a kid, I totally would have thought that the issue was "don't keep Mom awake," not "get to sleep at a decent hour." Sounds like a misunderstanding to me as well, not an out and out act of defiance .
.
