I feel like a total idiot right now. Before I continue, let me remind you that I hold a degree in English with a Professional Writing Emphasis. Not to mention I worked in the staffing industry for almost three years. I have always considered myself to be a fairly intelligent person, and have been called on to proofread friends' writing of all kinds...
So today, I was going through some of my files, and I stumbled upon my resume. The one currently in the possession of the senior pastor and ministry administrator at my dream job. I looked at it, and noticed that the phone number was WRONG!!! My cell phone number, which is currently turned off, was the number I had listed...
How many times have I had beaten into my head, and given the same advice to countless others....proof your resume before sending it? And here is my resume, with the WRONG PHONE NUMBER - the most basic contact information!!!
I called and left a message for their ministry administrator (who wasn't in today!), saying that I had had a change of phone #s, and that the number listed on my resume is no longer correct, and was very professional about it - and left my correct number, but I fear the damage may be done.
Yes, I am beating myself up over it. Here I've been, waiting for a call, and DUH! They don't even have the right number.
To top it all off, I followed up with the second church I contacted, and they're "putting on hold" their search for a CP. From my conversation with the SP there, I'm not sure that's the church for me, anyway - he mentioned that they're working on "prioritizing their ministries," and that he needed to wait and see how the board voted. Umm...isn't is the job of the senior pastor to have a vision for the church and the job of the board to support it? Besides, children's ministry IS and should be a priority, especially for a church that says they want to grow!! [Steps off soapbox now .]
The bad thing is, though, that these were the two positions available in my area: 1. the one that has decided NOT to hire a CP right now, and 2. the one that had my incorrect phone number. Maybe I'll pick up some more leads at the children's pastors' retreat next week...
I just want to curl up in a ball and cry right now. I guess I can say that if this is the door God wants me to walk through, He'll leave it open. But the truth is, no matter how much I read my Bible lately - no matter how much I pray - I have not felt this far from God in a long time. I have done everything that I am "supposed" to do in order to maintain a relationship with God, but I still feel like my words are just hitting the ceiling. I want to know Him again. I want to hear His voice again. Honestly, I feel right now like God and I "broke up," and I have to try to figure out why. Deep down inside, I know that's a lie...but that's how I'm feeling right now.
I told YP the other day that maybe God wants me to stay where I'm at, and she said, "No, that is wrong - He is calling you out of here." Then where? And how do I know that she heard from God and isn't just being a good best friend who is tired of seeing their friend get treated badly?
Yikes. Maybe it is a good thing DH and I decided to go to the children's pastors' retreat. Sounds like I need it!
HELLO! HELLO! DO NOT PANIC, I REPEAT, DO NOT PANIC.
Puppetmaster, this is an oversight but a very small one. Personally a phone number change would not speak anything negative to me in the least. Now, spelling typos and all that, grammar, etc., YES. But phone number change? No. THIS WILL NOT KEEP YOU FROM GETTING THIS JOB. Please do not sweat it. If they want you for the position a measly phone number is not going to stand in the way.
You corrected it. That gave you a great excuse to call. Now, do not agonize over the phone number for one more second.
This is the time for you to DRAW NEAR to God. Transition is a difficult time because you are feeling disconnected to your past (your present feels like your past right now because your heart's not there) and you are also unconnected to your future. So you are wondering where you fit. It's a very alone time...you only share it with your spouse and a few other close friends. You can't share it with church members, those you are around so much of the time. Aside from staff, it's your little secret. And that's hard. Trust me...I was there just 3 years ago and I know!!!
Listen...this waiting time can be the most productive time of your life if you allow it to be spiritually. Use this time to prepare you for this next level God has for you. You're going to have to stretch beyond where you are now to attain the next level this new position will afford you. You can do it. Don't just accept that you feel far from God. PRESS IN.
Listen to worship that really speaks to your situation. One of the CD's I listened to that really spoke to me was the worship tape from "Experiencing God." Those songs really spoke to where my heart was at during that time.
We're all pulling for you. Remember, when God opens the right door for you, no man can shut it!
I am feeling a little better...yesterday during worship, something snapped, and I got angry. Angry at the devil (and people who are being used by him!) for trying to come between me and God. I told Him that I am not going to let them come between us anymore...that no matter what happens with my job search, things need to stay okay between God and me. Not just stay okay...but get even better!!
DH was on the brink of death yesterday afternoon (i.e. He had a cold and he's a man ), so I had some time to myself to just sit and listen to my Brooklyn Tabernacle CD over and over again, interspersed with some of my favorite showtunes.
I still have no idea where God is going to take me. That's one thing about Him - He has this tendency to want us to trust Him. Drives me crazy sometimes!! Not freaking out as much about the phone number issue. I'm just such a perfectionist; I forget that 99% of the world's population is NOT as uptight as I am, and the standard (in the area of written communication!) to which I hold everyone, myself included, is sometimes ridiculously high.
We prayed over my favorite CM worker yesterday - she left this morning for a month-long missions trip. I couldn't help but get a little weepy, because of the very real possibility that yesterday could have been my very last Sunday morning in church with her. She's the only person in my church, other than the rest of the staff, that I have told about my impending departure, because I didn't want her to come back from her trip and just find us gone with no explanation. She gave me a big hug when we were done, and it was sort of an unspoken "this could be goodbye" understanding between us...sniff, sniff...
Sigh. Waiting on God is torture somtimes!
I'm taking off in a couple of hours for the children's pastors' retreat. I'm really looking forward to a time of just connecting with other children's pastors, sharing ideas, getting support, etc. Maybe even some more leads on jobs, lol!!
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), so I had some time to myself to just sit and listen to my Brooklyn Tabernacle CD over and over again, interspersed with some of my favorite showtunes.
