I can benefit from your wisdom. God called both hubby and I to pastor. How do you handle this?
We've heard that anything with two heads needs to be killed... *sigh*
And women in ministry...especially in pastoral roles...is still frowned upon and preached against.
I am who I am. I know I heard God, hubby heard the call too.
I remember when building our Web site, I started to title myself as Asst. Pastor and that left such a disgusting taste in my mouth. I knew that's not what God was saying. I settled on co-pastor cause that didn't "taste as bad". And really, I'm not into titles either. I'm not going to openly rebuke anyone cause you called me Sister so-in-so.
We just had our stationery printed and I decided to just put hubby's name on it and list him as Sr. Pastor.
We're just four months into pastoring. God is really blessing too! Woohoo!
How to walk in this calling where a ministry has two pastors (even though we're one) is new territory for me. Haven't seen this walked out successfully before me. We've seen extremes on both sides. Men who outright defy women in ministry...then there are women who have been so wounded are now man haters!
Do you have any words of wisdom...advice to share? You touched on this briefly in another post.
Okay, first of all, let me just dispel that saying that anything with two heads needs to be killed. I have also heard it said many times that "anything with two heads is a monster." I believe that in co-pastoring with a spouse, it's different. My dh does too -- we have talked about this at length and when i asked him one time, "what do you think about that 'anything with two heads is a monster' statement," he told me that with most things in life he thinks that saying is most proven true however he feels when dealing with a husband and wife team, it's different because of the "one flesh" issue. Keep in mind, just because many people make that statement doesn't mean it came from the bible.
Husband and wife are one flesh. And in co-pastoring, you are pastoring the church together as as team - as one. You move as one, you function as one. People know - they talk to one, they are talking to the other. One tells you something, it's the same as the other telling you something.
As far as it being frowned upon, you can't base what you are going to do on that. Yes, it goes against the grain in some ministerial circles, but are you answering to your ministerial circle or to the call of God? It boils down to obeying the call of God or following man.
I believe if you are co-pastoring, regarding the stationery issue, you would put your names, and then "Sr. Pastors." Or, you would list your husband as senior pastor and yourself as co-pastor. If you are going to co-pastor, in my opinion you should not list yourself as assistant pastor because...when you have more staff in the church this would be giving yourself the same title as some of them also have, and they need to understand - there is a distinction - you and your husband are a pastoral team. You are not the same as other staff. So you do want to make that differentiation.
Not sure about what other specific questions you may have but I'll be glad to help anytime as will many of the other sisters on this site.
Lord, if we had listened to folk in regards to our ministry we wouldn't be where we are today and that's perfectly in the will of God!
I know that we as a people like to have things well-defined. We like to categorize. If we can't label something and don't know what to do with it, we dismiss altogether cause we can't group it with the other stuff.
How do you deal with a husband-and wife pastoring team? Most folks don't have a clue because of that two-headed monster theory that exists in a lot of churches.
People don't know what to do with me. I'm the "pastors wife", the "first lady". Some male ministers try to ignore me, but hubby doesn't let that happen. I don't want to go around yelling, "I'm the pastor, I'm the pastor" that's only fuel to the fire of those who don't think women ought to be in ministry period!
I guess my question is, when you come across it, how do you and your husband handle people who don't respect your calling as pastor? Who only want to speak and deal with your husband and not you?
My husband and I both are Pastors as well. When listed it ususally is Rev ____ and wife ________, Sr Pastors. He just has the legal title of Rev and I don't. But we minister as a team. Personally when I run across people who dn't respect me as the senior pastor also, my reaction depends on the situation. If it comes to making a decision in my husbands absence my husband always backs my decision up. And he makes sure the people know he stands behind me in it. If it's jut someone who is just arrogant enough to ignore me in a conversation or whatever I just let it roll off me like water on a ducks back. I know who I am in God and if they can't accept that, well then God will deal with them because it was God who called me. I think the most important thing is to be who God called you to be and do what God called you to do. There will always be resistance, but ultimately I am responsible to God for my actions and not those who ignore my calling out of ignorance.
JMHO!!!
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God is my strength and my refuge, in Him will I put my trust.
You say: How do you deal with a husband-and wife pastoring team? Most folks don't have a clue because of that two-headed monster theory that exists in a lot of churches.
Just act forthrightly on a day to day basis and "do" the work of the ministry. People catch on quickly to what you DO, not necessarily to what you SAY. I believe the problem is, some "co-pastors" are like secret agents or something. Their dh sees them as co-pastor, in "name" they are co-pastor, he consults with them about everything, they make decisions behind the scenes and work there too, but nobody sees anything up front. So because they don't "see it" in front of them they don't think there is any difference in you being co-pastor, and someone who is pastor's wife. If you are not doing things in the service, you need to start. Do offering, announcements, prayer, etc. I take several parts of the service in that way and just the way I communicate (differently from the other staff) sets us apart. Of course your dh has you preach at times too so that sets a tone as well. People need to see you up front as a decision maker, mover, shaker, and MINISTER. You cannot co-pastor silently from the background. Co-pastors are up front leaders.
You say: People don't know what to do with me. I'm the "pastors wife", the "first lady". Some male ministers try to ignore me, but hubby doesn't let that happen. I don't want to go around yelling, "I'm the pastor, I'm the pastor" that's only fuel to the fire of those who don't think women ought to be in ministry period!
They can't ignore you if you are in the pulpit leading the church. They will either accept it or leave when they see you in the pulpit leading a portion of the service each week and giving direction to the church. You do not have to say, "I'm the pastor! I'm the pastor!" In fact, please never do anything like that...it will set you back to the 'nth degree...but anyway, begin leading with your husband in the Sunday Am service especially -- and lead strongly. People will get the hint, believe me.
You say: I guess my question is, when you come across it, how do you and your husband handle people who don't respect your calling as pastor? Who only want to speak and deal with your husband and not you?
If you are leading a significant portion of the ministry each week and they do not respect it, they will probably leave. Make sure your husband is ready to stand with you and defend the fact that you are his full partner. When you begin to lead half the service, he will get some people who will rise up and say, 'what's going on?' As far as them only wanting to speak with him, the key to that is him. We have always had people like that and what my dh does is, when they come and ask him he says, "Oh, you'll have to go ask Pastor Deanna about that." He forces them to come and talk to me if they want anything and that's how he tries to break them of that. Usually the person bends and accepts it, or in some cases they leave. We have occasionally had staff like that. They will avoid me on something and go to him and he is wise to the way they are and when they come to him trying to circumvent me on something or get his ear without me, he will just say, "Well, let me get back to you on that, I really want to talk it over with Pastor Deanna..." or he will say, "She's in her office, go ask her what she thinks about it." People either learn to flow with it or they move on, it's that simple.
Inside the ministry, it is highly understood that hubby and I pastor together. I lead praise and worship and conduct most of the service. Hubby plays keyboard and we share responsible of feeding the people. We work very well together.
It's when we're dealing with other ministries that I run into awkward situations.
I guess the bottomline is, they'll either get over it or move along.
