Well, Pastor's Appreciation Day is coming up, and I thought I'd share an amusing story with you...
One of our board members came up to DH and asked him if he'd be willing to help organize a potluck or something for that day - one of his duties as church administrator is to plan special events. He said, yes, he'd be willing to help.
She then said, "How about if we split up the member list and each call half of them about collecting a donation to bless our pastors?"
DH said, "Well, don't you think that would be awkward, since my wife is one of the pastors?"
We all had a good laugh about it, imagining the conversation to go something like:
So do you love our pastors? Do you want to bless them? Ya know, I'm married to one of them, and we could really use the cash!
My DH and our YP's husband then decided that the two of them should split up the calling list and see how that goes over.
Well, I can understand that as administrator the "special event" thing does fall into his job description, but I agree, the pastor appreciation is one that should have been left out of the job description. It does make it awkward.
Here is what I would suggest...and I can't even believe this is coming up because would you believe, a pastor's wife who read my website called me just this morning and told me a similar story of this happening to them!!!!! (And they wanted to know, "what do I do??") Well, I would suggest once this year's pastor's appreciation is over, let the pastor know what happened. Let him know it was a little awkward to have to make the calls, and ask him if he would let the board know that he is appointing "Bro. or Sis. so and so" to be in charge of the pastor appreciation...perhaps the woman who is charge of your women's ministries, or such? This way it is completely out of the hands of the pastoral staff.
Believe it or not I get calls and letters from pastor's wives who share with me that board members have asked THEM to be in charge of the day! And it's like........hello...the wife is also being honored...I mean, how awkward is that?
Sometimes I think church people just do not think rationally.
It would be wise to ask the Senior Pastor how he would like his staff pastors handled for pastor appreciation as opposed to doing the same thing for all across the board . He (or she) is their boss. He hires, reviews, fires, etc. and may be aware of private information that lay leaders are not aware of. You can't go wrong with making sure the senior pastoral team is honored and allow them to take care of their staff pastors.
There's wisdom in this for several reasons: One is that subordinates can become proud thinking that they are equal plain to the senior pastors. Secondly, carnal Christians or manipulative people in the congregation can use this as an opportunity to show favorites toward the one they can get "their way" through. It can cause divided loyalties, blurr lines of authority, and cause divisions in some churches.
However, if doing the same across the board before the congregation is already an established pattern, then by all means at least give 'double honor' to the Senior Pastoral team so that there is clear distinction of roles. Don't overlook the spouse of the Senior pastor in this process whether they serve in a supportive role behind the scenes or if they co-pastor. Be sure to honor "The First Lady" too (or First Man:)
The method you mention, Priscilla2, is a very good one. (of the board honoring the Sr. Pastors and the Sr. Pastors taking care of their staff) It's true that many times people in the congregation have loyalties based on certain things and they do not always handle things appropriately. We have gone through that...(it's not fun!) Fortunately, our board here understands this well and there is - thankfully - not the issue that you mention.
This topic of "pastor appreciation" is a loaded one. In our former church I absolutely hated it. It held some bad memories there. In my current situation, it's a blessing. I have to be honest with you, Priscilla2, that because some of the things you mention, I was so hurt previous that I dreaded pastor appreciation day every year. I used to pray that God would move in the service so much that it would just be an explosion from heaven and everybody would forget about the pastor's appreciation presentation. I won't even tell you to what extent I dreaded it (well, maybe someday I will) -- you would either crack up or just think I was really immature. But suffice it to say, I absolutely 100% dreaded the day and couldn't wait for it to pass. I used to ask dh if we could just plan to go away that weekend every year but he said no, it would just happen another weekend, so we couldn't get away from it no matter what we did.
Some very hurtful things happened and because those who did them never saw the wrong in it, it was almost impossible for me to ever enjoy the day again until we came here.
It's funny, but when we moved here, one of the things I said to dh upon our arrival was, "oh my...I just realized...I can start enjoying pastor appreciation again!"
Whoever imagined that pastors would go through this??? I thought I was the only one until my e-mail and phone started ringing off the hook from pw's who had the same things happen to them.
Your suggestions were great, Deanna and Priscilla...it was already decided that my DH is actually not going to be the one to make the calls . As soon as it was out of the board member's mouth, she realized how silly it sounded!!
We were just speculating as to how funny it would be to have the spouses of the pastors split up the call list...especially YP's husband, a big scary (if you don't know him well!) SWAT team police officer!!!
I totally agree with "double honoring" the senior pastor. In fact, YP and I insist on it!!
My SP and his wife actually did do a little something for the staff last year on their own. The church gave them a "bigger" gift than they did YP and her husband, and I wasn't actually a pastor at the time (just got licensed in April!) - just children's ministry director, so I didn't actually get honored. YP and her husband were furious about that - I got over it a lot faster than they did, actually! SP was annoyed, too, that the board had made that decision - after that, he INSISTED that that they include us at Christmas time (He actually called us forward after the Christmas program and announced that I had passed my credentialing test with flying colors and was only a few months away from being a licensed pastor - made sure the church people knew how blessed they were that they had a someone who would lead the children's ministry for the small amount of $$ they paid us, when I could go anywhere and make a full time salary!).
Don't know what's going to happen this year - I haven't really thought much about it, other than being amused by the idea of the two big, burly husbands of staff pastors (who both sort of resemble bouncers!) calling up everyone in the church and demanding that they fork over their money .
I'm so glad the board member realized the slip and changed things...it would have been so uncomfortable for your dh or youth pastor's dh to have to do that!
I told my dh today that I am just amazed at how difficult this whole thing is for so many. I have gotten four contacts about it JUST THIS WEEK from people who are in uncomfortable or hurtful situations. I am SOOOOOOOOOOO glad that I am once again in a situation where this day is not tragic for me. I find in many situations that our pastorinng partners face, it is one of two things: uncomfortable, or tragic. What a shame with a day that is supposed to be wonderful!
It saddens me that the day might actually turn out hurtful to a pastoral couple. But the enemy loves to turn well meaning things into weapons, I personally have not been hurt over this.
I do see some resistance to the whole idea of there being a pastor appreciation. Some people are opposed to it thinking that it is putting people on a pedestal. A good song that I used to honor my husband was Faithful Friend because it speaks of never putting them on a pedestal yet points out he's a man of honor. However, it doesn't include the spouse so, I stayed in the background other than to honor him with pictures set to that song.
One hurtful thing was on my birthday someone initiated having a surprise party and going in on a big gift for me. She encountered so much opposition. A DW said, "What's it going to be next?" and did not attend. We had been there 5 years and nothing was ever done in honor of me. It did really hurt that people would act like that toward a senior pastoral team. The idea was well meaning, even maybe overdue but it ended up being painful to me.
I know what you mean, Priscilla. I faced some hurtful things in my former situation...and it's so nice to be beyond it.
It's ridiculous when people shy away from the whole thing because of not wanting to put someone on a pedestal. The Bible says to give honor to whom honor is due. And as you mention - double honor to those whose work is preaching/teaching. That doesn't mean they are worshipped or put on a pedestal, but certainly honor is in order.
I think we probably all have a story to tell of how we faced something in the way of hurt in regards to a special occasion such as you mention (birthday, pastor appreciation, etc.) and it's just one of those things we must move beyond and keep our eyes on the Lord and keep serving. I have found that in these cases He has blessed me and brought me beauty for ashes. Sometimes it took TIME -- years of time - but he brought it about.
One time there was an absolute idiot (no other way to say it) in a former church situation where my dh brought up sending me to a certain conference...it was minimal cost to the church especially with all the countless unpaid hours of serving I did, I mean, H-E-L-L-O! But would you believe this guy came against it because he said if they did it for me, they would have to do it for everyone? My dh promptly rose up and said, "my wife is not just "anybody" - she's the co-pastor of this church." Let me tell you, that guy was a few ingredients short of his recipe, but it still really hurt me that he even said that.
Sometimes people are nothing short of amazing. (in the wrong way)
My husband and I co-pastor. From the beginning, that was plain.
He maketh me to teach Adult Sunday School as well as other meetings.
He leads me to head the women's ministry and complete honey-do lists for Jesus' name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the accuser of the brethern, I will fear no evil for thou art with me and comfort me.
The Lord prepares a table in the presence of my enemies.
He anoints my head with oil and my cup over floweths.
Surely goodness and love was with me as I decorated the new sanctuary.
So all may want to dwell in the House of the Lord Forever!
It's all about Jesus.
Today was pastor appreciation observance. It went well. Blessings to all as they have theirs and if not, that hurts too. But God sees it all!! Bless you.
Yesterday Larry and I were in NJ. We flew up for one of our church people's wedding...it was in the bride's hometown at her home church. We had a great weekend.
Our church is doing something different this year. They announced Pastor Appreciation the first week...they took us out of the service at the end and the board talked to the congregation. They are focusing on each staff member a different week. During the middle 3 Sundays in October, something is being done for each of our staff. Actually they are having the departments that each staff serve in do something special for them. For example, this week, the youth will do something special for the youth pastor...the next week the children will do something special for the children's pastor, etc. On the final week of this month, the whole church is doing something special for dh and I. I really like how they are planning it this year - it seems very organized and appropriate. Not that it was not any other year...I have never had any hurts over this at this church, PRAISE GOD! The board is very sensitive to how things should be done here. We have a FANTASTIC board.
So I'll let you all know what happens the last Sunday of this month! I know it will be good!
What do the abbreviations that you ladies use (on here) mean? I am new to this. It is my prayer that you will be encouraged by things I share or use my writings to inspire others on their journey! We need eachother to be wise as serpents but harmless as doves! Amen.
Too funny. Unfortunately in regard to some and thank God in regard to others we have probably experienced them all at one time or another. If you haven't, as my Granny used to say, "Just keep on living." Or just keep on being a PW.
BTW, Priscilla, welcome!!!
Oh yea, as far as the topic, we have had some bad experiences with the whole Pastor Appreciation thing. This year we are in a situation that is different from one we have ever experienced. We are a new ministry (since May) and most of our church is made up of unchurched people. They don't even know that Pastor's Appreciation Month exists. However, I will take that over CA's, CH's and Hellians(we need an abbrev. for that too Deanna) ANY DAY!
The unchurched and newly saved are the cutest church members to me! They say the funniest things and remind me of my first love with Jesus Christ (or right before:)
Funny list! You were having a good time! A sense of humor will take us a long way!
Invest in Chonda Pierce DVD's. They helped me survive an ongoing hurtful situation in ministry/family. She also has a cabin in TN way out in the woods away from everything that she let's SP's stay at for a vacation. WARNING: Take good bug spray and get educated on preventing chiggers from getting you! But it is a quaint cabin, quiet and peaceful.
She was a PK and her father left the ministry/marriage. She shares openly and transparently their ministry experiences. Her Dad was manic depressive (don't know if the ministry did that to him or if he was personally inclined to it) Either way, she uses the story for God's Glory. She's a neat person. Blessings, Priscilla 2
Brad Stine is also good...his first DVD, "A Conservative Unleashed," was hysterical. He's like a Christian version of Denis Leary, to give you some idea of his style...
His most classic line...
"Men want to marry men?" (big pause) "COWARDS!!!"
He's got a new DVD out, too - I forgot the name of it. Unfortunately, the only time he's been in my area performing live has been at Promise Keepers, so, of course, that's out of the question for me!
Well, we are at the close of the month...how did it go?! Ours was low key because we just celebrated a significant anniversary earlier in the year. I was able to get the intiation of special things for SP's delegated to someone who has been a real armor bearer to us. She did initiate honoring my birthday and made it exceptional. I was so surprised and overtaken with emotion! My birthday has been an "issue" here. For the first 8 years it was overlooked, then when someone tried to do something BIG she was so mistreated over it. Praise God all of that is in the past (way back:)
It's a new beginning! This past Sunday this AB surprised me by having someone sing "Thank You" to me. As he did, one by one as far as the eye could see, ladies were coming up to me with cards, etc. I was so SHOCKED! I cried and cried. Then the line ended with my children. My firstborn son said, "Thanks for praying for me Mom." I lost it!! I am holding him so tight and the congregation is crying. Then the 2nd born son, comes and I am hugging him (trying to make it "equal" in his eyes Finally, baby girl comes...she the caboose. I kneel down to her height and I just held her tight until the end of the song. It was very sweet and folks were genuinely kind to me. It will be a memory that I will not forget Blessings, Priscilla 2
Priscilla, that sounds fabulous! I'm glad Pastor's Appreciation Day is finally a joyous occasion for you...
Mine was okay...they did a potluck, and brought out a microphone so that people could come up and say nice things about the pastors. Each of us received a cash gift and a card signed by everyone in the church (Remember, we're a small church ).
It was bittersweet for me - it was my first official Pastor's Appreciation Day, and my only one at my current church. One man (he's 84 and has a hymn for every occasion!) got up and presented personal gifts to each of us and sang a hymn about following wherever Jesus leads...I just about broke down crying until I looked across the room where YP and her husband were sitting, and her husband (a big, 250-pound police officer!) was doing the actions to "Little Bunny Foo-Foo," just to make me laugh. It worked.
DH and I told one of our workers that we are interviewing somewhere else. This lady has been doing kids' ministry since before kids' ministry was cool, and is like Fort Knox when it comes to keeping secrets...the reason we told her is because she leaves in a couple of weeks for a month-long missions trip, and we could very likely be gone from the church by the time she returns. I told DH, "If our church were full of people like her, I could stay." We plan on taking her out for lunch or coffee sometime before she leaves on her trip, just to let her know how much we've appreciated her faithfulness.
Our SP also knows. After getting much advice from various other SP's on when to tell the boss that you're leaving, some of it conflicting (this means you, Pastors Deanna and Larry ), we decided that it would be best to let him know. And he is so amazing. He and his wife both said (regarding the particular pastor I'm interviewing with),"Are you kidding? If he makes you an offer, of course you should take it!" They said they'd celebrate with us. He and my DH still plan someday to start a coffee shop/arts type ministry together, so I know we haven't seen the last of him...
I called DH at the church yesterday and SP said in the background, "Hey- tell her that whatever they offer her in the interview, I'll give her 5% of that!" I laughed and said, "Tell him he's killing me here..."
I've gotten a little long-winded. But this is how my "post-Pastor's Appreciation" week has gone. I'm relieved that both of my current bosses know what's going on (church and NCU) because I don't feel so much like I'm sneaking around. And I learned that there are people in the church who care about me - I'm not leaving completely defeated and disillusioned with ministry...I'm stepping up to something greater that God has for me. I still believe, through my own time with God and confirmations from other men and women of God that I am doing the right thing, but I'm glad I had Pastor's Appreciation Day to remind me that I am called and that I am doing a great job.
As for the CA's, well, I really do believe after Sunday that there is going to be an uproar against them after we're gone, and that things will change there for the better. If my leaving means that that church will no longer chew up and spit out pastors, then I'm happy to do so!!
Well, our big day has come and gone and it was fabulous! They did a grand finale on October 30th just for us...and it was so wonderful. That morning they gave me a corsage & Larry a flower for his lapel...and then during the service the board came up and did a presentation. One of the board members came and talked about what we personally meant to him and his wife especially with the birth of their new baby...then our children came up and our two sons gave speeches. It was so wonderful!!!!! Tear jerking! Our little girl came up with a bouquet of roses for me. Then Bernie, one of our board members and also someone close to us came up and shared a few words - very emotional - touching...wonderful. Then he said that the church had planned a surprise reception in our honor at the close of the service - it was appetizers and finger foods just as a "hold over" til lunch but gave people opportunity to greet us and tell us what we mean to them. They had two chairs at the front, and the fellowship hall all decorated. It was really beautiful. They also took an offering during the service and people brought cards & gifts that they had on a table in the fellowship hall. At the conclusion of the reception, Bernie and his family took us to lunch at a really nice place. They just told dh today that they wanted to give more opportunity for people to give so they are taking another offering next week for anyone who may have missed it. We received a lot of wonderful heartfelt notes and gifts. Someone even gave us an overnight stay to a bed and breakfast...others gave us household items...Starbucks Gift cards, restaurant cards, also cash separate from the offering that we will put towards the job we are having done on our house right now...
It was such a wonderful day and I'm so blessed to be in a church that GENUINELY cares.
Thank you all for sharing. Priscilla, seems like you had a moment like I did with your children. Isn't that just the best?
. As soon as it was out of the board member's mouth, she realized how silly it sounded!!
Finally, baby girl comes...she the caboose. I kneel down to her height and I just held her tight until the end of the song. It was very sweet and folks were genuinely kind to me. It will be a memory that I will not forget 
