Things are coming to a head at my church...only it's not with the CA that we thought it was going to be. She's still behaving herself and has told several people about how the Lord has been dealing with her regarding her conflict with DH and me. Still walking wisely, but so far, so good!
No, this is a different, more serious situation...
This particular CA almost caused a church split several years ago. He came back when our current SP came to our church and has formed a "friendship" with him. But the man is a snake. He completely ripped YP apart in front of a bunch of people at church - accused .
SP and the board have said that because of this and other issues with this man, they are going to require him to (sincerely!) apologize for the way he's been treating her, or else his membership will be revoked. The thing is, this guy and his family have so much pride, they'll leave rather than lower themselves to apologize...
Which would be good.
But our SP is at a crossroads. He needs to actually tell this guy. He's got the board behind him, but he is, by nature, a peacemaker. YP has resolved, and told SP and the board as much, that if she gets called into a "reconciliation" meeting instead of SP just dealing with the issue with his pastoral authority, she will resign.
I told them that quite honestly, if this is not dealt with, it sets a precedent as to how I would be treated in the same situation, and I don't know if I can take it.
It seems drastic, but it's honestly been a year of this...someone speaking against us...having a meeting...the "right" words being said...and then it happens again. We're all tired, including SP. We all believe that God has called us there, and we don't feel like our work there is done.
But SP NEEDS to step up and follow through on what he said he'd do. The funny thing is, that the CA (board member) that we have had so much trouble with is actually BACKING the staff in this. So praise God for that, at least!
I'm just worried and scared...that my ministry is going to be over before it even starts (because if YP resigns, I think that will be what pushes SP over the edge and causes him to resign, thus resulting in our having to leave as well!). I'm afraid that I'm going to end up losing the first real friends I've ever had.
And to top it all off, DH's and my finances are in the toilet. Plain and simple. We are behind on almost all our bills. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, sent us a check to help us buy groceries - our fridge is actually full for the first time in months. But then today the starter went out on our car. Thankfully, we have a friend who is going to put it in for us, but we still have to pay for the part, which is $$ that we just plain don't have. DH just used up his paycheck for this week bringing his student loan up to date to avoid it being turned over to a collection agency.
I don't mean to whine, but this is the only place I feel that I can really vent about all of this. I just want to be caught up on our bills. I want to feel like all this sacrifice is worth it, and that I will see the fruits of my labor in my church. My original plan was to be a literary agent/professional writer and editor, and my DH was going to be a banker who did theatre on the side as a hobby. We left secure jobs in Corporate America to do what we do now. At least I have my job at NCU...but it's just not enough!
We truly feel that we're exactly where God wants us and doing what He's called us to do. I'm just at a very low point right now. The other night, I contemplated giving up the ministry, and even Christianity altogether! I would never do that...but I am just tired. I need a breakthrough...a miracle...something...
Wow - the enemy is really trying to close in on you all. We'll be praying that his assignment is cancelled.
I understand why you feel the way you do. I encourage you to hold tight until you see what happens. Don't jump the gun. Just stay steady and remain in prayer. If your SP does give in to the CA and you must leave, do it quietly. Very quietly. In the right spirit. Your ministry will NOT be over before it starts, if you just leave in the right manner. You can leave well even in a bad situation. As long as you handle it in a Godly manner, the Lord will take care of you.
I will be believing with you that you will not have to leave, but that the CA would be brought under the control of the Holy Spirit and your SP will stand up boldly.
I just wish he could read BREAKING INTIMIDATION by Bevere.
I would imagine that there are few words to make you feel better 100%. I was once the YPW in a situation where our future too was unclear, we were also struggling financially, had left WONDERFUL jobs for the ministry and made many sacrifices. I had layed in bed many nights wondering what in the world I was doing. I also had wondered if I would ever see the fruit of my labor. I got so sick and tired of hearing the old tale of " one plants the seed, one waters the seed and then yet anohter harvests the seed" All I could think at one point WHEN IS IT MY TURN TO HARVEST THE SEED!!!!
I find it frusterating that sometimes God's purpose for our lives lays in the hands of His children. We were the YP's of a wonderful prospering youth group, and we had just gotten a new SP. Well as you can imagine with the resignation of the previous pastor all my world was even shakier then it had been before. Then the new SP came in and maybe... just maybe it would be ok.
Well it wasn't ok. The new SP wasn't for us. He used the board and certain CMs who had their own agendas in mind to push us out. We were asked to resign under the guise of " We can't afford you " The crazy thing is that we wern't paid much anyway and our income was really more from outside work. We later found out all the garbage that went on behind the scenes. But putting all that stuff aside... we have been there, with our future unclear and very much the same feelings as you had before. And it makes it so much harder to encourage yourself when there is nothing to hold on to.
And it feels so much like people, because of their actions or their disobediance to God, can steal your ministry away. And that's the part where I find it frusterating that sometimes God's purpose for our lives rests on His children's shoulders. What we do can alter courses of our lives. What other people do can alter the course of our lives.
But the encouragement is in this. God is never surprised nor is He wavered by our choices or the choices others make that affect our lives. No one can cause you to lose your ministry, because God Himself gave it to you. It would be so nice to be able to see in the future, but the truth is that we can't. Please let me encourage you as someone who has made it past those moments into her future from that past standpoint. I am now a SPW serving in a wonderful church. We are a church that is thriving and growing. We still have our issues of course, which I am sure at some point I'm going to need a shoulder and a good ear for.
God is not surprised by your situation. He has His plan set out for you and no one can change that. He can move on people's hearts and you can see things change like you couldn't imagine they would. I'm sorry for those moments where you'll have to encourage yourself. But what I used to do was assure myself that someday I would look back on these things... I would get through this and along the way there would be more good moments in my life. Now that Im here looking back I am amazed what I have learned. I am amazed how much I have grown. And I am seeing the fruit of my labor. My sacrifices were worth it. I could have dealt without the growing pains OH YEAH, but in truth sometimes they were probably necessary.
I am so praying for you and for all the leaders at your church. I am praying that you all are able to go forwad and do what is necessary to go forward. I will pray for a boldness for your SP that he will have peace in making those hard decisions. That he will have peace in doing what he needs to do regardless of his desire to make everyone happy.
I am praying for your peace so that you will have joy.
(((hugs))))
Odelia
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God is my strength and my refuge, in Him will I put my trust.
Ah, things are looking different when I'm posting .......
Puppetmaster: You continue to be in my prayers. I sooooo understand what you're going through. Warfare is hard when you know where it's coming from. The blindsided unexpected attacks are even harder. Been there recently.
You know I understand the financial difficulties. This month was the FIRST month in about 20 months that all of my bills were paid on time. After the next advisory meeting, that will change when dh's salary is decreased. All I do know is that God has proven faithful time & time again. I've learned that it's not always how I expected, i.e. someone giving us money. In July, our car insurance bill was literally cut in half. Have you spoken to any of those you owe & ask for a forebearance? What about your dh's school loan? Could you get a forebearance there?
I'm praying for an amazing work in your church & blessings to fall from heaven for you & dh.
I'm heading into church again this evening. DH is actually doing the lesson tonight (He had a whole evening planned for last week when I was out sick, and they ended up cancelling anyway because of severe thunderstorms, tornadoes, and flash floods in our area!) - so I just have to be there as the figurehead.
Which is good, because my body is still sort of hanging onto this "yucky" sinus stuff, and I could really use a break!
SP gets back today from a 3-day prayer and fasting retreat that our district does every year for pastors, so I'm hoping for good things as a result of that. We could use some optimism, I think!
As far as DH's loans go, we did get a forbearance on all of our loans that we could back in March when his unemployment ran out. There was one loan that, because of the type it was (private vs. federal, I think - you can really tell I paid attention at my college exit interview !) that he couldn't do anything with...
I know God will provide. I was raised by a single parent on a private Christian school teacher's income (i.e. WAY below the poverty line!) and our family always made it. But I am just tired of everything going wrong, and this week it's been one thing after another!!
hey Puppetmaster, I wish I could just give you a great big hug!! I know that doesn't fix anything but I'd feel like I was doing something for you. I hope this helps you remain strong; 7 Whereof I was made a minister, according to the gift of the grace of God given unto me by the effectual working of his power. 8 Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ; 9 And to make all men see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the world hath been hid in God, who created all things by Jesus Christ: 10 To the intent that now unto the principalities and powers in heavenly places might be known by the church the manifold wisdom of God, 11 According to the eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our Lord: 12 In whom we have boldness and access with confidence by the faith of him. 13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory. and prays 14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, 16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; 17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, 21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. Eph 3:20-21 (KJV) with love,Ralinda
!) that he couldn't do anything with...
