Hey everybody! Well, we've had a rash of this kind of behavior this past week so I thought I would write and see if any of your churches also break out in this rash from time to time. I just had dinner last night with a close pw pal here and she tells me they deal with this too - I'm not alone.
This has happened with several individuals to varying degrees but I will tell you about just one and you will get the gist. A lady came to our church about six months ago (she was already saved for a while coming from somewhere else) and she came to our church for about a month and said she was making it her home church. Then, we did not see her at all for six months. Then last week, she came to the Sunday morning service. I did not even see her, I was greeting too many other people. Okay, so a few days later, I get an email from her. She says that we haven't seen her for a while because of health problems, but...she says, "I was there last Sunday morning." And..."I just want to thank you sooooooooooooo much for being my pastors and church. It means so much. I appreciate all your prayers and help. Now...I want to let you know that tomorrow I will be having a major surgery." Basically she was letting us know...I am considering you my church and I am making sure you are going to give me all the benefits of a member/regular attender during this time. (visitation, etc.) I just had to shake my head.
So I asked dh what he wanted to do about it since we had not seen hide nor hare of her in six months...are we going to do anything about this? We agreed we would send someone over. Our visitation pastor is on vacation right now so the whole staff is just splitting up any calls that need to be made. Most people in our church understand that usually it would be Pastor Mel who comes to see them.
Well, even though this woman is really not considered a member of our church family I decided that we'd send someone over there. Yesterday morning while on our way to the office we got a call that a prominent leader in our church had been rushed to the hospital - he had collapsed. Of course my dh decided to rush right over there, as my husband would always do that for one of our ministry leaders. Then I asked our youth pastor to make a run over in the other direction to see this woman. So, he does. Would you believe that once he gets there and the receptionist calls up to this woman's room to tell her she has a visitor (it's restricted access in this hospital - the person has to agree for you to come up) anyway, SHE TURNED HIM DOWN. She said to the receptionist, "I don't know him." So Pastor Phill explains, I'm Pastor Phill - the youth pastor at YOUR CHURCH. Well, I guess because it wasn't my husband or I...she turned him away!!! Unbelieveable. I'm thinking..."if we really WERE your church, you would KNOW who all our pastors are!!!"
I called over and told her that we had sent one of our pastors but she had declined his visit. She went on to say, "well just come by or send someone else over." I said no, I would not be sending ANY of our staff over...she had a visit, and she declined it and that was that.
My whole point is this. I realize that unsaved people go through crisis that bring them to the Lord and to the church. This is what we hope for with the unsaved, that they come to us in their time of crisis and that it works for good to bring them to the Lord and into our care. However, with people who have been saved a while, when they all of a sudden show up and say, "You're my pastor" when they are in a crisis and meanwhile you have never seen them, I think they are just moochers who don't attend church but come around when they need something.
My friend last night was telling me that a lady called their church to ask their pastors to come help with something at her house. She was elderly and on her own and didn't have someone to do necessary things. Evidently there was some crisis at her home and she called and said, "you're my pastor, so I'm calling to see if the church can help." So my friend says, "I did not realize I was your pastor. You told us that you left years ago to attend Without Walls - that you preferred their worship style." She says, "well, I did. I do go there, but it's so large they really don't know people or help with things like this and that's why i consider YOU my pastor with things like this. I'm just calling to see if you will come ove and help me with this since my church can't." So my friend says, "let me get this straight. You want to continue to go to this other church but you want us to provide your pastoral care??" She didn't seem to find the craziness in this!
Another lady this past year left our church for another church she deemed more charasmatic which is about 45 min. away. She lives 2 miles from our church but she thought there was a bigger bang going on over there so she starts driving it. She goes on and on about the wonderful preaching of their pastor and how the anointing just drips off of him. All is well until abot 6 months later when she breaks her hip. She wants a pastor to visit her. We are called upon by her family to visit her. I said, "We are not her pastor. Her pastor is so and so. She is a member of such and such." To which her family replies, "Yes, we know, but over at that church they don't do this kind of stuff and besides her pastor would never drive 45 minutes to come see her." I'm thinking, AND THAT'S OUR PROBLEM?
We never did go see her -- we feel - "membership has it's privileges!" What don't people understand about this? The Bible says those who are PLANTED in the courts of the Lord will flourish. If they are not planted, they will not flourish. If they are not planted in your church, how would they expect anything from your church in a time of trouble? (Again, I'm talking about long term believers, not unsaved people or people who have been saved such a short time they are not mature enough to realize it.)
I think some veteran Christians just know how to "play the game" if you know what I mean. I am about to say to some, "So...I'm your pastor, huh? Well then, let me tell ya, a Pastor gets in your life and tells you the hard things sometimes, and we need to have a little talk..."
What do you think?
Oh, I'm so glad to have the day OFF today! I need it.
What I love is reading the obits and finding out that the dearly departed was a member of my church, and I'm all, "Huh? Who was that?"
[But then, I suppose in that case I shouldn't assume...because my grandma was listed as having attended our church when she passed away, and the reason that she hadn't been there in awhile was because she'd had a massive stroke and was pretty much confined to her home for the last year of her life....but I digress!!]
I know what you mean, though. We have parents who pull that all the time with us. They send their kids to our church by bus or ride, never darken the doorstep (even for the Christmas program that THEIR child is in, which I think is pretty low!!), but then get offended when there's just not enough $$ in our budget for a camp scholarship for their kid.
DH and I have developed a new theory and a name for this phenomenon. It's called "Camden Syndrome." If you're familiar with the tv show "7th Heaven," their whole concept of a minister's job is that he or she "helps people." It shows all these tertiary characters who come to the Good Rev. Camden for help with a crisis...they need money...they need counseling...they need a minister to straighten out their kid...a hospital visit...whatever. He helps them, sends them on their merry way, and we never hear from them again. In the meantime, the church attendance is always up, the budget is everflowing, and there's even enough $$ to give the pastor an annual raise AND hire an associate!! The church is there when you need it, but you don't have to actually contribute anything - $$ or time - to make it work.
I don't know if that is life imitating art, or art imitating life, but it is frustrating!!!
It's life imitating art. I deal with this too, the "Camden" syndrome as you mention.
I host women's outreaches at our church and hundreds of ladies have attended, many of whom attend the outreach but do not come to church. However, they may consider me "their pastor." When someone dies or their marriage is in trouble, they call me. Many times what they want me to do is save the day, counsel them, console them, etc. and they want to just go on their merry way.
I have made it a general rule that when ladies, even in my church, ask for counseling, they have to be attending the women's class first before I'll do it (or they must start & be faithful for me to continue). This is because all of the problems people come to counseling for - we discuss in the class from the bible's point of view. If they would have just been faithful to class they would have already heard God's answer to whatever thing they are facing.
