Sorry for the last post. I accidentally hit the send button before finishing.
I just wanted to ask how come we as pw's have to be involved with our husbands job(as a pastor)? If he were a doctor or lawyer, we would not be a part of his profession. What makes pastoring so different? I would like to add that I am an active partner with my hubby now, but I struggled with this in the beginning and I meet young minister's wives who are struggling with this now. They feel that it is not their place to get involved in his job.
Next question is: I was approached yesterday about teaching our college girls once a month or twice a month. I know you mentor college girls, can you give me some ideas of what you do with them(teachings, activities, etc...). I am so new at this. I do have experience with being in college; I graduated from college 6 years ago, so I can kinda relate to them. What are some challenges I may encounter?
Thanks in advance for your wisdom on these 2 subjects and please forgive me for the previous post.
Good to hear from you. First, about the involvement with your husband's job. I have two thoughts on this. First, I don't believe most women whose husbands have ANY job are as involved as they should be. What I mean by that is this...though if he were a doctor or lawyer, you could not do his job for him, I believe you should help him all that you can to reach his destiny, and be involved in whatever way you can. If my husband were a doctor or lawyer, and I did not have the calling to be so as an individual, I would partner with him in whatever way I could. First, I would help him in setting up the office to his liking. I would take initiative to meet and know the employees that he hires. I would make myself available to host social things that he may want to have in building his team in this particular profession. (Open houses, employee banquets, meetings, etc.) I would make myself available to help him in whatever way I could to make that business absolutely boom. If my husband did not run the business himself (lets say he was an employee on someone else's staff) then I would get to know as much of his job as possible, and help him to succeed. This could mean everything from preparing his lunch to encouraging him in special projects he is doing (listening to him talk about it at length and really trying to understand it). I would be a part of that business to whatever degree I could - with the goal of being a helpmate to him however I could to see my man go to the heights that God has for him. NOW...I realize that is not how most women in America live today. And, I think that's part of the problem! We have men living in their own worlds with their wives not a part of it. With men, I believe that a good amount of their self esteem comes from their job, what they "do". The other half is wrapped up in their sex life. If their job, and their sex life is going well, pretty much - they believe they have the world by the tail. Okay, so the problem is - most of the women out there don't capitalize on this information and help their husband to soar in these two areas - job & sex. And, we wonder why we have the problems we have today? Many women, even Christian women, are focusing exclusively on their children (they live in and perpetuate child centered homes) and they wonder why there is all this tension and their husband is frustrated. I know this is hard to hear for many but it's just the truth, and if you don't believe me, ask any man. They will be happy to tell you.
Now, as a pastor's wife - our husband is not just working a "job" as a doctor, lawyer or any other sort of employee. They are functioning in a high calling from God - a ministry. Yes, most of them get paid for it - and this also makes it their profession - but first and foremost it's a ministry. One is called to the ministry, they are not a hireling or volunteer. In this, when a man is married - I believe as one flesh his wife is called as well. The two function as one. I believe if he were a doctor or lawyer she should do all she can as a helpmate, but how much MORE as a pastor's wife? Because you see, as a pastor's wife, in general the doors are not only OPEN to be the helpmate that God has called you to be, but most times they are flinging open and the people are BEGGING you to be a helpmate. Problem is, many women have not arisen to that call. They don't want to. They want to live like the 99% of other women in America who are living their own pursuits, and saying, "It's his job, not mine!" We hide behind the whole adage, "they're not getting a two for one!" I believe this hurts the heart of God and it hurts the church.
You mention the college girls and ministry to them. First let me say, this (above) is one thing I have been diligently trying to teach our college girls. I want them to know - whether their husband is a pastor, lawyer, doctor or garbage man - they are called to be involved. This is not a popular message nor one they ar hearing from very many sources. Yet I find my girls eat it up! They love it. Part of the reason, I believe, is that they see how my husband and I function and that is attractive to them. When you see the example it's easier to understand.
I have our Titus Project mentoring group once a month, usually at my home. I set the table (and this is part of the lesson in itself). I have taught them everything from how to set a formal table to how to cook, to how to be organized, table manners, business ettiquette - how to dress, how to interview, ministry protocol, (at least half of my girls are called to FT ministry), and more. Some of the lessons I do on a monthly basis would include topics like commitment, faithfulness, purity, what to seek in a marriage partner, preparing for marriage, how to organize a home, etc. etc. I also hit hard on some topics for ministry leadership like work ethic, the importance of loyalty, what it means to be an armor bearer, etc. Basically I am preparing these girls for life & ministry. I have had a lot of people ask me what curriculum I use. The answer to this is, I don't have one. I write the lessons for each month myself, and I am doing this as I go along. There is no master plan - God is giving it to me monthly. This is a new venture. I've only done it for a year but it's been a big success. We just came back from a 3 day retreat in Cocoa Beach. We love our monthly meetings so much and I proposed to the girls - let's have an extended meeting and go away. They loved it!
If we don't invest in these girls now - the whole idea that you mentioned above (that it's just our husband's job, and we have our "own life") is just going to perpetuate all over and I predict in 10-20 years from now the pastor's wife model as most of us knew it growing up will become completely obsolete. And that's a shame because - the church will be missing out on a great deal. Our people as individuals will be missing out on a lot - because when the mother of the church is not in her place, it's the same as when the mother of the home is not in her place. Most of all, our husbands will miss out on a lot. Because there's nothing a Godly man needs, like a Godly woman!
Okay, I'm done preaching. It's time for me to go shop a while! (JC Penney's is having a 50% off sale today here in town for Labor Day. I'm THERE! I have a special surprise up my sleeve for somebody at church I want to bless!!!)
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! You do not understand how much you have helped me. Thanks for clarifying this for me, b/c so many young wives(MW's) come to me with their own agenda, and they do not like to be involved in their hubbys ministry. They enjoy their careers more. Even I struggled with this, b/c I never had an example of what my role was. I found this in you a few years ago. Thanks so much.
