Okay, I am ready to go postal, so I thought I'd better come here and vent.
Last Thursday, we took a youth/kids' trip to Valleyfair, our local amusement park. We had one teenager who repeatedly was seen pairing up with a member of the opposite sex and engaging in public displays of affection, both clear violations of the rules for the day. Two more kids (a brother and sister - ages 15 and 10, respectively) decided to take off without letting me or the YP know about it. They just called their dad, had him pick them up, and they left. To complicate matters, this was the noncustodial parent, who has just recently been released from prison. So, based on what we knew, we followed policy and called the police. Both of us were freaked out, because for all we knew, this could have been a parental kidnapping situation. It was resolved, and it turned out that the kids were just being stupid.
Across the board for both children's and youth ministries, we have a "Three Strikes" policy - that has been in place and clearly communicated for the past 2-3 years. That is, 1.) a warning, 2.) parents are contacted, and 3.) child is not permitted to come back to Wed pm activities without a meeting between ministry leader, child, and parents. The first teenager broke the rules MORE than three times. The other two violated a "zero tolerance" rule, which is an automatic Strike Three (leaving an activity without permission).
YP and I sent letters to the parents of these teenagers and child, explaining the rules and disciplinary procedure and requesting a meeting before they would be allowed to return, and have been met with hostility from both parents. The parent of the brother and sister left a nasty message on the church's answering machine about how she is "angry," and how we are "taking away from her kids the opportunity to learn about God." She is not a Christian herself, nor does she attend our church or any church. The second set of parents (of the PDA girl!) first berated the YP for calling them "too late at night," even though they were obviously still awake. Now the mom called another mom and told her how "hurt" she is over this, and that she doesn't think her daughter did anything wrong, and they may just leave the church over this.
Wah, wah. This family doesn't really do much in the church, anyway, and have hopped back and forth between every church in town. Good riddance.
But seriously. What is it with parents who think their kids can do no wrong? In that situation, my mom would not only have told the youth pastor to punish me as she saw fit, but would have agreed to a meeting, and would have been angry. But not at the YP. At me. For breaking the rules. I would have probably been grounded for a good, long time at home, and been made to apologize to the youth pastor and all the youth leaders who caught me.
What really gets me is that the mother who was so "hurt" called another mother instead of the YP. And then this woman called the church to talk to YP "as a friend" to let her know what was going on. She didn't get YP...she got my DH instead. Who told her that she needs to direct this "angry and hurt" mother back to the YP. You all know I'm not about naming "spirits of this or that," but I am starting to think my church has a demon of gossip lurking about, infecting the minds of everyone. I'm sure our good ol' CA will somehow sniff this one out, and try to cause even more trouble.
I told DH over the phone, "I quit. Tell SP I won't be there on Sunday." So, since SP was just walking in the door, he relayed the message, as in, "Hey, pastor - Leanne says she quits!" SP said he won't let me quit. I asked, "What if I become a Zen Buddhist before Sunday?" He (SP) said, "Then I'll kill you and you'll go to hell. But I love you, anyway!" I'm not really quitting. Like I said, we've all been under some major spiritual attack lately.
God gave me a great verse while I was reading the Bible the other day...Romans 15:20 (I think!)..."The God of peace will crush Satan under your feet very shortly." He made me keep reading until I got to that verse, so I know He meant for me to read it. But this situation is just a small example of the spiritual and emotional havoc that is being wreaked in our church.
I'm glad I am married to the "King of Optimism," because I would seriously be curled up in a ball on the couch right about now if I didn't have him and Jesus (and my best friends!) to keep me going. At church last Sunday, YP gave me a hug and said, "How are you doing?" I said, "I'm okay..."
"You're lying," she said, "Get back over here!" And she prayed for me and told me that I was under attack. That she actually saw darkness perched on my shoulders, attacking me, and reminded me not to listen to lies of the enemy. She is a lot like me, and not all "ookie" and seeing "spirits" wherever she goes, so I paid attention.
And I feel it. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm even sore all over...my back, my shoulders, my neck...trying really hard to stay strong, stay in the Word and prayer, and remember that I am victorious in Jesus. We have all had prophecies about a spiritual explosion in our church and community, and if the devil is attacking this hard, it's probably coming soon...
Wow. I got a little off-topic!! But yeah. Parents who think their kids can do no wrong really bug me. So does the devil. And I'm not really going to quit being a children's pastor and turn to Zen Buddhism. Heck, I'm not even going to leave my church. I'm just feeling a little bit like the whiny Elijah right now (I figure since we've been calling our CA's "Jezebels," the analogy fits!)...
Thanks for being here to listen to me vent, and for all your prayers .
P.S. A dear friend of mine blessed me with a gift card for a spa package for my birthday this week - includes a body scrub or wrap + a 1-hour massage. He said, "I know you need this, and I know you'd never buy it for yourself, so here you go." Yeah, thinking about taking advantage of that VERY soon!!
You are preaching to the choir. I agree with you on all this, unfortunately it's a fact of our day. I just finished mailing something to my ladies in the church (an article I wrote) about this very problem. I am going to send it to you. It's called, "The Parent Trap." E-mail me at PastorDeanna@aol.com and I will send it to you. I am not sure of your e-mail address. This article will give you A LOT to think about and you and your YP will greatly enjoy it, I promise. When I mailed this out, I have gotten a lot of feedback from it, in a positive way.
You can't take this personally as hard as that is. And two things about your post stand out - first, one of these parents was recently released from prison? And others are unsaved? They are not walking in the light and their actions simply reflect it. You are the only Godly example these children have. They are a product of who has raised them. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
You have to keep your standards and I think your policies are great. But hopefully you will still have some contact with these children because quite frankly you and the YP are probably the only hope they have of any kind of future.
Go get your spa treatment - regroup - refresh - and KEEP GOING!
Deanna, I e-mailed you - I'd love to read that article!!
I definitely don't take it personally. The attitude of all of us, including the SP, toward people who threaten to leave the church over petty issues is, "Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"
The one family (with two parents), sad to say, IS saved! And are members of our church...SP said, while rolling his eyes, "I supposed they're going to want to have a 'meeting' with me and the YP to talk about how hurt they are and how I should side with them about how wonderful their daughter is." He has said that if they want to talk, he'll talk, but that he plans to back the YP's decision. And if they leave, they leave.
The other mom - whose ex just got released from prison - has basically used the church as a means to an end for years. She uses "church nights" as an excuse to go partying with her friends because someone else is watching her kids. In other words, we're a free babysitting service for her. She also expects us to foot the bill for every activity her kids go on with us...she waits until the very last minute to pay for anything, like she's hoping we'll just step in and say, "Oh, that's okay - we'll pay for your kids to go."
We care about every single child or teenager who walks through our door, but we also aren't arrogant enough to think we're going to reach every child or family. If they feel that we're not what they need, then maybe they'll find a church that will meet their needs. But we will not bow and scrape to try to please everyone, because frankly, that's not going to happen!!