I am not sure exactly how to ask this question, so I am just going to ask it.
How do you deal with slack people? I know that there are some people who we just can't afford to trouble ourselves with them, but there are people who are close to us, like family members, who we cannot afford to separate ourselves from them. I have a real hard time dealing with people who never do what they say they are going to do, or you have to remind them 10 times before they do it. This is an example, let's say that no matter how hard I tried to teach my children to be responsible and about setting priorities, they still shoe no signs of responsibility after years and years. Considering my children are only 6 and 8, I am obviously not talking about them, but this an example where you can't just say "Forget it!"
Have you ever had a real slacker that you have had to deal? If so, how did you or how do you do it? I had one girl who talked to me about this issue. She wanted break off her engagement for this very reason. She said that her fiance took forever to do anything that she asked him to do, and he would always say, "I'm sorry, I forgot." After a while she started to feel that she was not a priority to him, or he WOULD remember.
Slackers drive me bonkers. They are the hardest group of people for me to deal with. What's terrible is when you inherit one in the leadership. (Like when you first come to a church, and they are not of your own choosing.) Oh dear Lord...it's almost unbearable!
I feel as though I should be asking all of you ladies the same question. This is one of the things I blow off steam to dh about A LOT. When someone (anyone) is slacking, it almost drives me off a cliff. Part of the thing that is so difficult for me to reconcile is...I don't understand that lifestyle or why one would even want to live that way for a second. It's so foreign to me.
I was reading a book by Zig Ziglar the other day and it has a quote in it..."Service is the price you pay for taking up space on this planet" or something like that. We should all serve, just because it's the right thing to do, and we should not slack. Service is not just for a select few. Striving for excellence is not just for a few.
It's so far out of the realm of the way I live (slacking) that I have to minimize my time with slackers because it's so grating on my nerves. I can't stand being around people who do nothing. Laziness drives me crazy. I have matured in the fact that I can manage to love them and not hold bitterness or anger, but as far as hanging out as friends, it's very difficult for me. None of my friends are the "phlegmatic" personality...all of them are servants, workers, etc. I find that I am at my best when I am surrounded by those people, and aren't we all?
Years ago I found that at times in leadership I would be thrown together with other women, wives, etc. who were not all workers. Some were quite frankly slackers. But because of "who" they were we would sometimes be together. Of course I minister to all of the ladies in our church. Probably only a few in our fellowship would be considered slackers. I love even those who are slackers, but I can't just sit around and do coffee with them while I hear about how they've been laying on the couch and watching Oprah, or whatever else they do while they are wasting their life away.
The best way to deal with slackers in my opinion is to maximize and reward those who are servants, and try to spend as little of your time with slackers who would drag you down even if they are family. Hang around with people who bring you to a greater level and spend their time wisely. The Bible tells you to do that - make the most of every opportunity...be wise...our days are numbered. We don't have time to waste.
This is quite interesting, b/c we have a person I would consider a slacker on our staff, but she is not lazy. This individual just simply cannot complete one task. She will take on so many tasks that nothing can get done in excellence or by deadline. This is what drives me nuts. I can deal with lazy people, b/c I know how far to go with them. But, someone who says they can do something or complete tasks, but never does b/c they are spread so thin, urks me. Have you met this type of person. I think this type of personality tries to please everyone.
I have encountered a few of those but not as many as those who are just lazy. Either personality is hard to deal with. But the person who is overextended is easier for me to deal with because at least they are trying to do something. That's better than someone who just doesn't have an inkling to do anything.
I see a real lack of desire for the things of God in many people, even leaders. I have a desire for God, but also for the things of God - anything to do with God. I just want to be a part of it and do all I can. I like to surround myself with likeminded people. It is difficult to be with people who have their heart and mind on seemingly any other pursuit but those of the Kingdom. And I've been around plenty of those people. My closest friends and associates are those who are on the move.
As far as how to deal with this problem, I say - if they are lazy just minimize your time with them. If they are not lazy but they just take on too much and then let you down -- dont' let them. DO NOT ASSIGN THEM THINGS. When they ask why, point out whatever it was that they let you down with the last time. Document everything in a private notebook so that you know when and what happened. Let them know..."I did not ask you to decorate for the Christmas banquet because last time you were supposed to decorate for the missions banquet you did not fulfill the assignment because you said you were under too much pressure at work. I certainly don't want to put you under any pressure."
I have learned that these kind of people who are over-extenders but keep doing it will ask you in advance, so I try to out-advance them. For instance, plan extra early...who is going to decorate for that banquet? Then ask them...get your ducks in a row. Then when Mrs. Slacker says, "Oh, I've been thinking about the Christmas decorations for this year..." you can say, "Oh, I've already taken care of it. Someone else is assigned to it." Then don't back down. If they ask why not them, tell them, you didn't want to add any more pressure to their schedule.
Deanna, we are so on the same page with this. It is good to know that I am not the only one who is on the edge of a cliff over dealing with slackers. It drives me crazy!
In ministry I have pretty much done as you have said. I thank God that the people we have in out church now are workers! This is such a blessing because there is so much to be done.
First Lady, I think that you are also right in the fact that it is also hard to deal with people who do not complete anything because they take on too much. But like Deanna said, at least they are not sitting around doing nothing! I cannot take it when people just do nothing, when there is so much work to be done in the Kingdom!
Back to a point that I did not really expound upon in my first comments. What about someone who is married to or engaged to a slacker. What advice would you give them? When I was asked this some time ago, I just advised the person to pray about it. Now, I don't think that I could do that. I am in a different position and in a different place. I am not trying to minimize prayer by any means of course. I strongly believe in the power of prayer. I am just saying that sometimes we say that because we don't know what else to say. (Hopefully you get mu point despite my rambling here) Yet, I still have no clue what to tell someone in this situation. What do you do if you are married to a slacker, and your spouse it driving you crazy because of it? They could be a nice person. They could love you and love God, but they are lazy and slack and very nonchalant about it.
Wow, that is a hard one. I think it requires a change of heart. You can't really force someone to change in this regard, but you can be a good example...keep doing what you are doing and don't let their behavior cause you to slack off. If it was my spouse I would definitely try to bring up the conversation though not beat them over the head with it. There is a lot of scripture about it -- you could share what it says or even choose those chapters if you do devotions together and discuss them. I know for some this might drive them away but for others with a different personality they may really be open to discussing it.
I have had this a lot, in regards to people coming to me with exactly what you mention. Sometimes I hear from women whose husbands don't want to hold down a job. They keep quitting for whatever reason. But a lot of times men will contact me and want advice because they know I minister to their wives. Two situations that stand out that are becoming more common are these...
A man in our church who was holding down 2 jobs and going to school while his wife stayed home with their child was very frustrated. The wife really felt strongly about being a SAHM. So he thought, okay, I'll do whatever it takes for her to do that. He worked night and day and went to school to try to further himself even more to get a better job so she could continue to do so. Only...this woman expected him to split the housework with her!!! She would start crying and get irate because "he never helps with anything..." She would do the bare minimum in taking care of the child and the rest of her time she just watched TV, movies, took walks outside their development with the baby in the stroller, etc. She did not grasp that when she made this decision, "homemaking" WAS her job.
Another lady had several kids all in school. But she too felt directed to be a SAHM. Fine. But the problem is, she got them off to school and then for 7-8 hours just did her own thing. (Not the house). Her husband works one job, for long hours to they can make ends meet. She refuses to get a job...wants to be a "homemaker/SAHM. Well fine, then -- HOME-MAKE!!!! But she doesn't. The house is not up to par, and she complains that everybody needs to pitch in more and they don't have more money. They would have more money if she worked while the kids were in school. But she doesn't for some spiritual reason of which I don't understand. If your kids are in school, you aren't with them...so what is the point? If she had a job outside the home during school hours then when everybody got home it would make sense for everyone including the dh to pitch in. But with her home all day 24/7, why can't she keep the house going, after all, that is what a homemaker is supposed to do, right?
Basically these husbands come to me upset that their wives have these lazy streaks, and they are tired of it...don't know what to do. And it's difficult because the women spiritualize it with, "I'm staying home because God called me to..." but the thing is...these particular women don't do anything. I tried to speak to some of this by teaching a series where I shared that no matter where you are at in life (working in or outside the home) you have a job description and you should have certain tasks that you accomplish every day. Nobody is called to just lay on the couch. It's very difficult to get this through though to people who are determined to lay on a couch!
The worst are the ones who not only WON'T do anything, but then come up to me and tell me how I "should" be doing things.
This one lady at my old church came up to me when DH and I were up to our eyeballs planning a community-wide Halloween outreach. She started telling me about a game that "I" should include in the outreach (on top of the thousand plus things I was running around trying to organize for the event, my full time job, AND my responsibilities as a Wednesday night leader and Sunday morning drama/puppet coach!!). I said, "Great! Do you want to be in charge of it?" She stumbled and sort of backtracked - she definitely wasn't expecting that!!
I have been ministering to kids "unofficially" since I was 12 years old, and have professional, real-world experience besides that, but I think (and I guess it's sort of a compliment , since I am one year away from the dreaded 3-0!) that people assume I'm younger and more naive than I really am...because I just got my ministerial license a few months ago, they assume that I am some young "fresh out of college" punk who can be pushed around. So I think they're sort of taken by surprise when I call them on their laziness!!
My policy is that if a person isn't willing to invest any of their lives in "my" kids, or talk to me directly about a problem/issue/suggestion, then they're not worth my time. Sounds harsh, but as you all know pastors and their spouses are bombarded with "helpful" suggestions by lazy people who just want us to add another thing to our plate. The lady who sits in the pew on Sunday mornings and doesn't do anything else, and comes to me with something I "should" be doing? Sorry...not interested. The sweet grandma who has invested 40 years of her life into teaching the preschoolers and has a suggestion? I am more likely to listen to her opinion!!
Puppetmaster, we're definitely on the same page. I hate it, hate it, hate it when people do that.
Most often I have had it with people who are married to people who are involved, but they are not. They always want to stick their two cents in like they are part of the "team" but they don't contribute anything but their opinion. THAT drives me crazy.
, since I am one year away from the dreaded 3-0!) that people assume I'm younger and more naive than I really am...because I just got my ministerial license a few months ago, they assume that I am some young "fresh out of college" punk who can be pushed around. So I think they're sort of taken by surprise when I call them on their laziness!!
