Hey everybody...just want to know if I'm the only one this ever happens to. I'm dealing with a situation right now that is like this -- have faced it before and just wonder how often any of you have it happen.
When someone steps down from a ministry, do you ever have the case where they try to appoint someone to lead it, instead of just leaving the decision to you, the pastor? Or perhaps they do not tell them, "you have the job" but, they go around telling everyone including that person that they should have the job, thereby causing a problem for you when you put someone else in it? We have had this happen a few times down through the years, and it ain't fun! And I'm going through it right now.
Sometimes there are those in the body who just feel so strongly about a certain someone following them, and they try to press that will upon you as the pastor, or the church. Then when you do as God is leading you and appoint the person you feel led to, it causes an issue.
If people only realize how they cause problems when they do this. The thing is, they have no idea spiritually what they are causing.
Due to the fact that anyone can read this site, I'd rather not put the absolute specifics of my situation but I will share with you one that happened to a friend of mine years ago. Her WM director was resigning. She and her husband had someone else in mind to take the WM leadership. One night at a WM committee meeting, (the PW was on the committee though not the leader) a committee member said, "Mary...who on earth is going to fill your shoes when you leave? What will we do?" And "Mary" the leader who was exiting said, "YOU ARE!!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE NEXT WM LEADER!" This caused the pastor's wife and her husband untold grief. The lady in question got all excited, and felt that she was appointed to this position. It was NOT God. It was a terrible choice. In that case the pastor felt he had to go ahead and just allow it because he feared what would happen if he didn't. Well, fear of man will always prove to be a snare. That woman blew up that church.
Larry and I don't operate by the fear of man, we do as God says. But sometimes you can just be in uncomfortable situations because someone who has no authority to appoint does so.
I will not go into deep detail but suffice it to say, a beloved member of our church needed to step down for good reasons (not anything scandalous or anything like that) but when they did, they said as they were out-going that God had raised up a certain person to take their position and really encouraged them that they were here for such a time as this and all that kind of stuff. Well, that does not bear witness with my dh and I. So, we have taken a different route. But here I sit under the umbrella of criticism for it.
I think I'll go read Jeremiah 1 again myself!
Sometimes it's difficult to be the man and woman of God. Pastoring is not for sissies!
Well if you can help me to get some people step down I would appreciate it, but of course they would probably only recommend their cousins to take over their foolishness... So we beat them - we stepped down... But they are launching a campaign to bring us back... As Michael said in Godfather III - Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...
Seriously, I have had it happen to me on both sides of the conversation, well actually all three sides... And it is not fun any way you look at it... Especially if you know that you are not really the one who should step up to the plate and you are being publically pushed... And then how do you deal with the whole I should have gotten it but they didn't want me stress...
We have been in this position before. We had a children's sunday school teacher who before she even told us that she was stepping down had already talked to someone else to ask them if they were interested in doing the job. Well when the person said that she would love to teach, she told them that they could start right away. Well, this caused major issues, because dh would have NEVER chosen this person. At the time she very rarely came to Bible Study(and not due to work conflicts either), she had a bad attitude, and she was shacking up. The only reason the other person chose her is because they were related and she gave in to pressure from her family. DH never mentioned her shacking during all this but, he did stop her from teaching. He explained that we have a process to select and train new teachers, and that she must go through the process. She of course disqualified herself. This issue was a thorn in our side until the day we left.
The nerve that people have amazes me. I don't understand why people don't get it that there is a process for putting people in positions, especially leadership positions.
I have also been in situations like Flow described where people would not ask me to do things because I am the Pastor's wife. It had nothing to do withthe job at hand. They only made the decision based upon their own personal issues.
Deanna you are right. Pastoring is not for sissies.
We just had a situation last month...AFTER the deadline had passed for nominating board members, no less...where this lady marches in after the church service and tells another woman, "The Holy Spirit told me that you are the person who is supposed to be on the board."
Well...the "would-be" board member has been nominated several times, and has declined each time. Her reason? She tried to say quietly, "I can't be on the board," trying not to make a big deal out of it. When asked why, she said, again very quietly, "Because I don't have the baptism in the Holy Spirit."
The hyper-spiritual lady went into overdrive at that point. "What? You've never spoken in tongues?!?! We're going to take care of this right now!"
She and one of her cronies proceded to start praying for this poor woman (one of MY most faithful CM workers, I might add!). They decided that they didn't need to do any praise and worship or anything - they were just going to make this happen. So they started praying, and at that point, my DH and YP figured out what was going on. A few moments later, I walked in (looking for my DH), and I ended up getting pulled into this little prayer meeting of theirs.
All three of us (DH, YP, and me) kept trying to push our way in - and we are not exactly timid people - and we were practically head-butted out of the way!!
Then...the clincher: this lady said the "Holy Spirit" had told her that she was to impart HER gift to the other woman, who was bawling by this point, and not tears of joy...she did the whole "Repeat after me," thing and her "victim" finally repeated it, just to get her off her back. Then the hyper-spiritual people had the nerve to say THAT was her baptism.
By this time, SP had come in and he told them (a lot more gently than I would have - but then that's why he's the SP ) that they needed to stop and let the Holy Spirit give her the impartation, and encouraged her to go home and just put on some praise and worship music and spend time loving Jesus. DH pulled her aside and talked to her about how he had gotten baptized in the Holy Spirit, and YP and I walked away to cool off!!
Believe it or not, that wasn't the worst part of it! As a pastoral staff, the three of us walked back in to talk to the woman who had incorrectly "imparted" her gift or whatever. We tried to pull her aside privately, but she wouldn't leave. YP and SP spoke softly and said that what she had done was not biblical or right, and she just said, "Well, thank you for your words, but the Holy Spirit told me to do that."
Yeah, like you can really argue with the Holy Spirit!
Since there was still a group of people around, SP decided not to press the issue right then and there, but said that he'd give her a call later in the week.
That really, really, really annoys me! That people would use the Holy Spirit that way. The woman who had been prayed for knew that that wasn't the baptism she's waited for for so long. And the nominations for the board were closed anyway, so she wouldn't have been on the ballot even if she had received the Holy Spirit that day.
YP and I pretty much lost any respect we had for that woman, and decided that she was staying far, far away from our kids during altar time!!!
I echo that...pastoring is not for sissies!! And I'm only a children's pastor .
To date, this particular situation has not happened to us, but I could definitely see it happen.
We are having our first official "SS Teacher & Children's/Youth Worker" Meeting on Saturday. This is going to be totally new for our church. We are going to make things more official i.e. having an application to minister, having guidelines in place, etc. I'll talk to dh & I think we'll add this to our procedures & guidelines. Hopefully, this will help prevent the situation from happening at our church or at least give us an official "way out."
Deanna, I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm thankful that I can learn from your experience.
Ours is not in the position, but just greatly wants to be. However, our leadership is on the same page across the board and will not make a move that way, at least not until we feel led of God. Which would be a while as this person lacks the seasoning needed for the position.
Thanks for listening, guys. Good to know I'm not alone, though none of us relishes this happening to us, or a friend.
) that they needed to stop and let the Holy Spirit give her the impartation, and encouraged her to go home and just put on some praise and worship music and spend time loving Jesus. DH pulled her aside and talked to her about how he had gotten baptized in the Holy Spirit, and YP and I walked away to cool off!!
