Dh and I were having this conversation the other night and I thought I would get your opinion. I brought it up a while back but here I am re-gurgitating it, as I usually do when I'm still brooding over something.
How do you decipher when someone is in rebellion, has a disability of sorts or is just plain dense? Remember when I asked you guys about someone who has to be told the same thing over and over again. Well it really has never stopped. I was watching a show last night on NBC called, "FIRE ME, PLEASE!" and it just brought all my frustration to the surface because I witnessed people being fired (rightfully so) for the thing I go through, and hate! Basically when the manager had to keep telling someone something over and over (don't talk on the phone... don't sneeze in the food...don't lounge around...don't do this or that...) they were ultimately let go. AND the thing is...they were all FIRED by 3 pm the first day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My dh is so darn compassionate. One of my things is, I hate to repeat the same expectation over and over. If I say, "don't make copies on that machine" then darn it, I don't want copies being made on that machine. So, what do you do when somebody keeps making them. (Illustration only - that's not the real problem) But the thing is, let's say using the same illustration that the person makes the copy AGAIN...dh says, "oh, I think they just keep forgetting not to use that copier." So finally I tell dh, "you'd better be careful not to hire such stupid people that they can't tell one copier from another especially after being told 20 times." I'm the type that then gets so mad about that kind of stuff that if someone continued to do that, I would unplug the thing and remove for a few days just to send a message. Then dh would say, "I think you should have gone in and talked to him/her about it before removing the copier." Uh, how much MORE than 20 times does a person need to be told?
Do you think there are people out there who are really THAT dense? Dh is convinced with certain people it is not a rebellious heart, but just "dense-ness". So.......my question.........what do you do about dense people and.........how do you keep from hiring a dense person? I am finding out that you cannot really tell to the extent that a person struggles with "dense-ness" (is that a word) til' you start working with them. They can appear really sharp.
So what...do you sit them down in the interview and say, "Now, just making sure...if I hire you, and tell you not to use this copier, will you come back and use it tomorrow?" Ha! Ha!
I say things like this in talking to dh and he thinks I'm just funny. He doesn't take it serious all the time and thereby sometimes I think I need to just call my Dr. and say...will you please prescribe me a bottle of Xanax for when one of our staff members decides to get dense again?
Please just at least sympathize with my vent today. All I need if nothing else is to hear you say, "WE HEAR YOU, DEANNA."
I have put most things in writing. But I have found that most times people who do these things don't think it applies to them. For some reason they feel it is there for other staffers. Or, again, they are just too plain dense to realize it.
Until I saw that show the other night I thought, "maybe I'm just too detailed about these things" but I don't know.......if a coffee or a pizza shop is THAT particular, how much more so should we be for the house of God?
I love the show "Fire Me, Please"!! DH and I spent time working in the "food service industry" in college, and I also worked internally for a temp agency...so we always get a good laugh. Sad to say, we have run across people who really ARE as clueless as the people who are trying to get themselves fired!!
Currently, we have a fabulous office administrator/manager at our church (my husband ), but we had one a few years ago who was the sweetest lady in the world...leaving little encouraging notes in my mailbox about how happy she was that I was there working with the kids, etc...she was the one who started the Wednesday night meal ministry, just because she felt that the kids deserved at least one hot meal a week...that was just the kind of person she was, and we all loved her!! She was also dying of cancer. Unfortunately, she made a complete mess of the books, which she was in charge of at the time. She was nice about it; she just really didn't have a head for bookkeeping [although, in retrospect, I'd rather have her than the CA, who is currently doing that job! But I digress...].
That was the big question: How do you fire a sweet lady who is dying of cancer? Or explain to her that she's not doing a good enough job and that some of her responsibilities will be taken away because of it? This particular lady is now in heaven, so that's not an issue anymore - but it does raise an interesting question...
It does annoy me that people feel they can slack off because it's "just" the church. JUST the church? "Just" ministry? That's an oxymoron, as far as I'm concerned! My DH and I have a strict rule whenever we do any kind of church drama...from a full length musical to a human video - No one, and I mean no one, is allowed to use the words, "It's only church drama," or any variation of that sentence. If they do, and they're 'caught,' it is their job to bring treats for the whole cast to the next rehearsal. It works like a charm! It makes a point, it is a non-threatening confrontation, and then we all get a treat the next time we meet together!
I hear you. I cannot understand how it can occur, but sometimes I am almost convinced that some people are that dense. Otherwise, I don't know how to account for their behavior. My dh says that sometimes I am too hard on people. That may be the case, but I think that sometimes he is too easy on people. As you said, it gets very frustrating when you have to repeat the same thing over and over again to an adult!
Could it be that we are "harder" on people because we expect that kind of rightness and excellence form ourselves? I mean, am I alone, or do we as women, add to it women in ministry, have such high expectations of ourselves, that we expect alot of others? Maybe it isnt bad to expect more but something we dont do on purpose it just happens becuase of how we are on ourselves. Just a thought. I think some people are that dense but very few. I think alot of times, it is pride. Its pride in that they hear the statement you make. They heard you SAY not make copies on that machine. But they HEARD "I dont want anyone to make copies on that machine, but that doesnt go for you." It is a form of pride to think the rules dont apply to you. Perfect illustration. Other church we just moved from, literally had 4 State Highway Patrol officers in it who considered my DH one of their best friends. Plus dh worked for the county and city for years as a dispatcher at the jail. Do you think he ever worried about a traffic ticket in the state of Mississippi? NO! He knew the rules wouldnt apply to him becuase of who he knew. It can be a form of pride becuase well Deanna isnt going to fire ME! I mean, its me! It is familiarity and an inflated sense of self that manifest itself as stupidity sometimes. It is about that person. I would garauntee it 95% of the time it is due to a persons thought about themselves. IN some way, shape, form or fashion. May seem like a wierd of explanation but I've seen it and even been guilty of not doing things I was asked to do because I didnt think the leader would get to mad becuase they loved me. But it didnt negate the fact of what I was asked to do. (and it seemed trivial at the time) But again, that was MY opinion. See how it is wrapped up inthe "ME" package?
I want dh to fire our church secretary because she is totally rebellious. He will state his preferences and ask her to do certain things a certain way - and she just flat out won't do it. She says "you can't fire me - I'm a volunteer AND I'm your mother." Fun eh!! The only thing he's been able to do it cut her hours back --wayyyyy back to once a week.
I relate to everything you are saying, especially Cassandra. I agree with you that I think it's pride. It's "I'm so and so and this is what I'm going to do..." I feel sometimes that it's almost a "dare" to do something about it.
Do you ever just get in the mood sometimes that the next time it happens you fantasize over just how hard you'll come down on them about it? I hate to do that, but sometimes I just get so mad.
), but we had one a few years ago who was the sweetest lady in the world...leaving little encouraging notes in my mailbox about how happy she was that I was there working with the kids, etc...she was the one who started the Wednesday night meal ministry, just because she felt that the kids deserved at least one hot meal a week...that was just the kind of person she was, and we all loved her!! She was also dying of cancer. Unfortunately, she made a complete mess of the books, which she was in charge of at the time. She was nice about it; she just really didn't have a head for bookkeeping [although, in retrospect, I'd rather have her than the CA, who is currently doing that job! But I digress...].
