When people decide to leave the church, how exactly do you want them to leave?
I'm really not sure what's worse -- people just dropping off the scene and not returning, or when they make an appointment and come in to waste your time just to tell you they are leaving (when you could be doing other productive things rather than having to act like it's okay.)
I'm not okay with it no matter what they do, I guess. Thanks for listening (in advance) to my rant today, guys.
So earlier this week and lady emails me and says she wants to come talk to me and she says, "don't worry, everything's fine...I just wanted to come and talk to you rather than put it in an email."
Well that right there tells me that she's leaving.
And here's the truth...what's "fine"with others doesn't always mean it's "fine" with us. Know what I mean? It's "fine" to her because she's happy about her decision but although I can't control or change it, it's not fine with me. But I can't tell her that because...like all of you...I should win an academy award for all the times I have to act like I'm okay with people's decisions.
I realize as soon as she emails me that what I have ahead of me is that she is going to come in to my office, sit down and tell me that she is leaving and expect me to be perfectly happy about it. And...............that's exactly what happened.
When people call/email me about stuff like this that I think is going to happen in a meeting I automatically schedule it for 15-30 minutes and tell them I'm on a tight schedule so that hopefully it takes as short a time as possible and I am not stuck trying to fake it for any longer than I have to. This time lasted about 15 minutes...
Sure enough she came in and gave me a bunch of overspiritualized gobbledeegook and told me she was moving on. And expected me to sit there and dish out the same kind of overspiritualized gobbledeegook and tell her I was thrilled for her. Which brings me to...
Catch 22 -- we are darned if we do, and darned if we don't. Think about it -- people would think badly of us if we acted upset, or thrilled! So we are really just left with a whole bunch of uncomfortableness in the room when they sit and go on and on whether it be that they are unhappy about something in the church and leaving or whether they are overspiritualizing everything.
One thing I do wish is that people would stop saying things like, "I need to meet with you and DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING'S FINE" when really to me, it's not fine.
What I wanted to say to her right before she left my office was, "okay so you said in your email that everything was fine...I just want to encourage you not to tell your next pastor that if you are going to be meeting with them to tell them you're leaving, because to a pastor, that is not fine, although it may be to you. And in doing so you have set them at ease when really...you are getting ready to tell them something that will be upsettting."
Here for you! Honestly if someone is going to leave my thoughts are "GO". Unless they are leaving to go into ministry themselves and I mean a real ministry not just joining another church I would rather have those in our church that are with us and not against us. I am tired of people saying all kinds of things against the pastors and the church itself and won't take responsibility for being the "rotten apple". I don't want people to leave but if they have made up their mind to go I am not about to plead for them to stay! But I surely don't want to meet with them to listen to their reasons for me to be excited for them. Just like you stated if we act excited for them then we must not care that they are leaving...its just a mean cycle. of events.
Honestly in this case they were not "against us". They were just among the huge group of Christians out there who over spiritualize things. Know what I mean? They were very positive when they were here and I believe they will be positive even now when they leave. They had no complaints.
They are in that category you just mentioned of leaving and saying it's for ministry but not a real ministry. And everything is "God said this" and "God said that" and you know there are some people who give that kind of thing a real bad name...when God says a lot of things you really doubt He ever really said.
I say that as a person who fully believes in the supernatural, flows in the gifts and greatly believe that God speaks!!! However I think a lot of people use Him as a convenient excuse to do what their flesh wants to do. But how can others argue when they said, "God said?"
I think that's one of Christian's greatest weapons at times that they use when they just want to do their own thing -- tack God onto it and do whatever. Know what I mean?
I'm not brokenhearted about this departure, just disappointed in them and in so many others who do this kind of thing. We all have 'em. And they just keep shuffling around.
I have to join this conversation, because we had so many people leave us in '09. I heard all kinds of reasons or excuses. I was especially taken when one lady said, oh the Lord is taking me to my next level. What? You did nothing when you were with us. She talked so much about what God was telling her to do in her new ministry. I was thinking...what did you w/us!! I am sorry. This frustrates me, but it is so real and it happens.
You did nothing when you were with us. She talked so much about what God was telling her to do in her new ministry. I was thinking...what did you w/us!! I am sorry. This frustrates me, but it is so real and it happens.
