Ok - I have a totally new issue. It's similar to my kids in the fishbowl but it's dh and I in the fishbowl. I know it's going to sound petty too - but at the moment I just want to vent too. We've been talking about trading our personal minivan in for a midsize car for me to drive. Why? 1st - better gas milage and my school is on complete opposite side of town - about 20 miles. Second - I'm really sick of mini van and a mid size car would fit our family anyway. Ok - here's the complaint. We go looking and found one I really like. We didn't make offer yet - always sleep on it philosophy dh has. He first mentions it to elders and one remarks that we trade cars alot like another couple in our church. First of all - this couple gets new cars and trades them in every 6 months to a year. When we've traded in the past 4 years - it's been trading down to make money and got cars to get by. I did not like being compared to this couple because they have reputation of being unstable. Well - then after Sunday's light attendance - dh and I both decide that we need tp put it off anyway. but those two reasons make us constantly wait because of fear of closing church down - meaning lack in income. and not wanting to offend people with a purchase. Like I said, I know it sounds petty and all - but I feel like we're being controlled by the church in a way. I know if he wan't a pastor - we'd do wahtever we want if we felt a peace about it.
also - this same elder sorta fussed when dh went car shopping for a vehicle for his use and church use. The elder tried pushing him towards another van or this pricey luxury car. Dh didn't want either one - he found a near little blazer that he really feels good about and got an awesome deal on. I don't know like I said - I feel we are controlled sometimes.
You are right, sometimes in ministry we feel pressure on things like this but clearly WE SHOULDN'T. The more blessed we are, the happier our people should be. If people are desiring their pastor to live a meager existence something is really wrong with them. They should delight in their shepherd being blessed. I think a church should be proud of taking care of their pastor. If they are not then you certainly won't teach them by cowering down to their expectations all the time.
Truthfully you do not owe them any explanation about how you spend your money. Yes, the board has a right to know your salary as a matter of accountability. However they, nor anyone else in the church, has any right to comment or question your purchases. That is your business.
I understand that you are uncomfortable, we have all been there before. But we don't teach God's people anything on this issue but staying in fear and backing away from purchases we feel are the right thing for us to do.
Dh and I lived on the poverty level for many years but now we are at a place in ministry where we are blessed. If someone would complain or approach me about any of our purchases, I would simply (gently) tell them, "I really don't think our personal finances are any of your concern just as yours are not any of my concern. Besides that, you should be happy that I, or anyone for that matter, is blessed." If they got mad and left the church it's probably best, as you don't want someone with that mentality staying in your church.
Funny you should bring this up now...I am coming back from vacation this week. Our van gave us trouble in the mountains of NC. It was getting ready to bite the dust. Dh said, "I'm getting rid of it." He came right here and traded it in for a new one. (We're going home with one...how funny is that?) I'm sure lots of people might ask me about it. (In a curious or good way, I don't think any of our people will in a mean spirited way) I will just say, "Yeah, we got a new one, isn't that great??!!" I was thinking also of all the things I'm coming back with from my vacation. I'm taking back twice as much as I brought because my MIL bought us a lot of things. We are the only kids she has left at this point (my SIL tragically died a few years ago) so she sort of goes a little overboard at times with us because as she says, "we're all she has left." Today she wanted to take me shopping. We were walking through a beautiful store and I saw a tea set that was just stunning. She said, "I want to buy it for you." I said, "Mom, that is just TOO MUCH." She said, "shush, you're the only daughter I have." Then she proceeded to tell them, "pack it up for her, she's taking it back to FL!" It's the most stunning thing you've ever seen. She got me some clothes, shoes, etc. as well. (and the kids too) So, here I am going back with this stuff and I'm sure my closer friends who will notice will say, "Wow, where'd you get that?" I'm not going to shy away from it, I'll just say, "I WAS SO BLESSED ON VACATION...ISN'T THAT GREAT!"
Of course I tend to share my blessings with everyone, as far as...I will have everybody over for tea...I share whatever I have with people, whenever........I'm convinced that's one reason we are so blessed at times.........because we have always been and continue to be givers.
I'm simply not going to cower down and hide the blessings of God in my life. I spent too many years doing that on behalf of UNGODLY people and I'm just not going to live that way anymore.
Well, that was my 10 cents on that, a little more than the usual 2. But let me remind you......I am generous!
I would not feel guilty at all about buying a vehicle if that is what your family needs. Usually the only people who get upset are the ones who will find something to be upset about anyway - the complainers and the CA's.
I agree with Deanna. It drives me crazy to see churches who want their Pastors to barely make it. That is so backwards. Dh used to be a YP at another church before he became a SP. That church had many members who were upper-middle class to upper-class, but they did not want the church staff to be paid well at all. That used to make me so mad. You would think that people who are blessed to live well would want nothing less for their Pastor. If you are blessed with a new vehicle, your members should praise God with you!
BTW Pastor Deanna, I collect tea cups from all over the world. I will look forward to one day having tea at your house with your new tea set!
People are so silly. When I got my "new" Suburban 1999 model . Some said we are paying you to much .Others said you need the room with 5 children. 'I didn't care I just climbed in and grinned because I had been waiting 3 years for this baby. I love it. It makes me feel tough. LOL People can't stand for others to prosper. I don't get it. I like to celebrate people's accomplishments. I think you should just live the life God created you for and have fun doing it. God wants His children to have nice things because He loves us. tell them all "bbbbbblll" and have a fun. They are just selfish. Pr. Deanna, put a picture of your tea set on the site. I love tea sets.
Great idea, Ralinda. When I get home (we're staying in Stony Creek, VA tonight) I will take a pic of it and put it on the site. You'll love it! It's got light pink roses on it. I am crazy about it.
Ralinda, we went through the same thing you did with your Suburban. People are so fickle. In our previous church there were a few people that complained about the condition of our van. It was old (10 years)...it ran rough, lots of times the inside was messy because we had three kids. (You know, happy meal toys strung all over, a fry here and there and all kinds of stuff for school, etc. WELL.......... the same people who complained, "our pastor's van is an embarrassment" are the same people who neglected to pay us properly. GO FIGURE. Um, you can't have a good vehicle if people aren't paying you a decent wage. When we got a new van, some people talked behind our backs that it was too extravagant. You can't please them all that's for sure. Nor should it really be any of their business.
Now I drive a 2004 Mustang Convertible and my church here just could not be happier for me. I actually think if I drove in there in a Mercedes or BMW this week they would probably go, "way to go!" Nobody would care beyond being really happy for me. (Actually one of our former pastors did have a BMW and nobody said a thing or gave a rip. It's so refreshing to be in a place where God's people aren't really concerned about this stuff beyond just making sure their pastor is being taken care of.)
I have met a lot of pastors who have told me that some of their church people have actually said to them, "We'll keep them poor and God will keep them humble." How sick!!!!!
I have met a lot of pastors who have told me that some of their church people have actually said to them, "We'll keep them poor and God will keep them humble." How sick!!!!!
I have heard that too. You are right Deanna that is sick. I have not ever read in the Bible that the congregation is supposed to keep the Pastor poor. The same people who say that usually do not want anybody to keep them poor.
Before we pastored, we loved to see our Pastor be blessed. We still make sure that we send him love gifts for his anniversary and his birthday, because he is still our Pastor. Thank God we now have people who feel the same way!
Ralinda I love what you said. I am going to live out my destiny and enjoy the journey!
Ok - now I'm rightouely "jealouse" of Deanna's mustang! I had a new one a few years ago - for two months before I had a head on collision with a wreckless driver. Since - then it's been strictly family type vehicles. I'd love to have another Mustang - someday when i don't have a family of 5 to haul around! ha. But - in about a year and half - the 14 year old will need a car. no - not a mustang - but maybe with him in a car - I can get one??? who knows. Right - now stuck in the green mom-mobile.
LOL! When I started reading Nancy Drew books as a kid, my dream car was a red Mustang convertible - just like Nancy's .
Now it's a lime green VW Beetle, which it has been since I was about 13. I tell you, if I get the opportunity to obtain one, no church person is going to say a word about it!!! And if they do, I'll be too busy happily driving my bug to hear them, lol .
I know we drove those kinds of cars that were embarassments and our pastor was like man cant you guys afford a nicer vehicle. But we honestly couldnt on the very small salary he paid us. The board paid us less, he did extra out of his own salary (which is generous -- very generous). So he wanted to do that. Now we took over payments on a 2001 Minivan that is the newest thing I've ever had and I dont know how to feel. People that get mad just dont take into consideration that maybe the pastor has learned to manage money and it isnt straining the church budget for him to have a good ride. Maybe he actually can afford it free and clear. People are crazy! lol They just dont think fair.
Great idea, Ralinda. When I get home (we're staying in Stony Creek, VA tonight) I will take a pic of it and put it on the site. You'll love it! It's got light pink roses on it. I am crazy about it.
and all kinds of stuff for school, etc. WELL.......... the same people who complained, "our pastor's van is an embarrassment" are the same people who neglected to pay us properly. GO FIGURE. Um, you can't have a good vehicle if people aren't paying you a decent wage. When we got a new van, some people talked behind our backs that it was too extravagant. You can't please them all that's for sure. Nor should it really be any of their business.
