Hey - my oldest daughter made the comment about why is everyone sooo interested in her life? We watch Seventh Heaven all the time (about a pastor and family) and she can identify with how some of their congregation treats this family. We haven't ( as far as I know) had people over that go through our closets and kitchen cabinets. Or have we?? Anyway, Beth got frustrated ecause she wore some shoes that we new and that suddently became the topic of conversation: "oh you have new shoes. when did you get them? where did you get them?, etc." Beth wasn't made - but just overwhelmed to the point of saying aloud to us "Gee - maybe I should have told them I also have on new underwear!" But there are days we feel like the church knows more about us than we do.
Oh, the wondrous life of the pk. I was a pk. I heard it all the time... "pk's are the worst." Perhaps many pk's get in trouble because they see this as a self-fulfilling prophesy. Anyway, I was always the "good pk." I was also the oldest. I am thankful for this, because my parents were the most strict w/ me. And thankfully, I was saved at an early age & my parents allowed me to be part of the ministry.
I must say, there were many times I hated being a pk due to the fishbowl. It's hard as an adult trying to please people. But as a kid... it's next to impossible. I remember one time that I was trying to be thoughtful & sweet, telling my S.S. teacher that I missed her the week before & that she was the best (she & I were extremely close.) The next thing I knew, I was chewed out by an adult, the sister to the substitute teacher, who said I was being disrespectful to her brother. I was about 13 or 14. I quickly learned to keep my mouth shut & it took me until my last semester at college to be comfortable asking a question in class.
I'm also a first class perfectionist, which I contribute to being raised as a pk. Having to dress right, talk right, behave right, be right - all of the time. If not, people talked. At least, that is how I perceived things growing up.
So, now, I am very protective of my kids. I try to tell my oldest son (who I can see already has perfectionistic qualities) that he does not have to be perfect. That he is able to make mistakes. And I am ready to defend my kids should the need arise. (I guess I should say, defend them from the idea that they must be perfect.)
But as the pw, it is also hard. We do not have a full time church nursery. I have a 3 year old, who is jealous of mommy spending time w/ others, including his baby sister. He wants to be 3 in church, run around, laugh, cut up, hang on to mommy, etc. while I'm trying to hold a baby. I feel so conspicuous, knowing everyone is watching. People volunteer to help w/ the baby - she's so good natured. I do worry about what people think -- p.w. can't control her own kids. So, I teach Kids church on Sunday a.m., Rainbows on Wed. p.m., & I end up taking my kids to the nursery on Sunday p.m. because of behavior. (Baby is 11 mos old now & she has a hard time making it through service.) I ask myself all the time... "Am I ever going to hear a sermon again?"
Does anyone else go through this? I know I can use some advice. I don't want my kids to feel the way I did growing up, but is there anyway to prevent it? Any ideas for my 3 year old? Does anyone else have to deal w/ this? (I do feel bad for my kids because they are at church early & stay late. They can only "be good" for so long.)
POW... thanks for starting this thread. I've been wanting to seek advice for a while.
Yes!! Keep the advice coming...I don't have kids of my own yet, but I am terrified at the prospect of my kids being PKs!
[My dog is the perfect pastor's dog, though - she is very friendly and accepting of everyone, and is always ready with a kiss and a greeting for them, lol! Except one of our youth leaders, for some reason...maybe she has a discerning spirit that we need to pay more attention to .]
All joking aside (my dog is my only "baby" right now!) - I'm really interested in hearing what some of you who are parents have to say!!
I''m glad I started it too. My kids know Mom and Dad are not perfect - boy do they know. but I just pray it never turns them away from God. They know it's a job - but we are christians and christians are not perfect. We don't expect them to be perfect. We set our standards for them based on who we are as a family - not our profession. so once I overheard son tell someone "I'd be like this whether my dad was a plumber or a preacher - I'm a Christian and that's it." Anyway - for the most part mine really don't care anymore what people think. Raise them to be your family and God's family.
i notice my kids struggle with it somewhat, my dh and i really try hard to keep our Mondays sacred with them. -and i allow them some freedom within boundaries at church, so as not to centre them out too much especially now that they are 10 & 12. we don't make them go to every service now that my oldest is able to babysit and they are allowed to sit with their friends as long as they stand for the worship part of the service. they are really good girls and we pray and fast for them b/c it is hard for them being pk's. i was one myself too, but like Tracy, i would never do anything rebellious. i was a pleaser...
i heard some really great advice from another pw who has been in the ministry 57yrs. she said in her family, when her kids would want to do something or wear something inappropriate or whatever, she would remind them that were "LaHayes" and "LaHayes" don't do those things, rather than "You're a Christian, you can't do that" because she didn't want her kids to associate Christianity and God as never being able to anything and that God was mean or boring...we started applying this to our lives b/c we were guilty of saying "no, you're a Christian." - and i really got what she was saying. - still no one knows what lay ahead so must pray and fast, and ask God for wisdom....and i read lots of books
We tell our kids that very thing...it's great advice.
We tell them, "We do/or don't do this because Dad & Mom are pastors...we do this/don't do this BECAUSE WE ARE CHRISTIANS." I tell them, "if Dad and I worked in a bank, we'd still do things this way..." or "if we were teachers, this is still what we'd do." They are like, "really?" And we say, "yep!" Finally they "get it."
It's difficult being a pk...in some places more than others. it's much easier for my kids here than our previous church. We had some wonderful, wonderful, wonderful people there who we are still just dear friends with. Actually this was a great amount of people. But there were about 10 people who tried to make their lives hell. You know just a handful of people in a church can drive the pk (or the pastor!) nutty. Unfortunately my kids have some scars on them from just a few. I try to rub away the emotional scars and just love them through it and also really emphasize those who were good to them in the past...and those who are good to them in the present.
You know...I say it all the time...there really is a "Christian Papparazzi"! They are nosy church people running after the pastor, or their kids!
My senior pastor growing up would not even refer to his kids as "PKs." He felt that they were kids, period, and like with Deanna's family, the standards of behavior that were expected of them would be the same no matter what his father's occupation happened to be!
His youngest son got really annoyed when he came to NCU and someone referred to him as a PK, as though it was some sort of mental disorder! They told him that "PKs are the most rebellious kids, yada, yada, yada..."
My current SP's kids are still pretty young, and they get a kick out of the fact that when people talk about the pastor, they're talking about Dad! Last year on Pastor's Appreciation Day, I told the kids at the end of Kids' Church, "Make sure you go give the pastor a hug before you leave and tell him how much you appreciate him and what a great guy he is," and his daughter (age 6), giggled and said, "That won't be too hard for ME to do!"
But I hold them to the same behavior standards as the other kids - I am very careful as their children's pastor not to be more strict OR more lenient with them than I would be with Joe Schmoe's kids from down the block. It is really important for them to feel like they're part of the group...so when they're in my kids' church or Wednesday night program, they are not the PKs; they are just two more kids that I get to minister to!!
.]
