I am losing one of my key workers in the next month or so (she got a job two hours away, and has been commuting, but as soon as she and her husband find a new home, she's gone!). She has been teaching Sunday mornings and Wednesay nights for about 30 years, and is absolutely one of the best Sunday School teachers ever...you know, the kind that you still remember when you're an adult?
I need someone to take her place, and more importantly, I need a strong team of leaders. I'm working on forming a ministry team made up of kids 5th grade and up, but that's not going so well recruitment-wise, either.
I'm also struggling again with my usual "people don't really like me or want to be my friends" paranoia. It's an issue that God is still working on, but it seems that everyone I have really gotten close to - really been myself with - has stabbed me in the back (other than my husband, of course!). I have some amazing friends now, but I can't seem to get it through my thick skull that they are true and genuine, and that God has given them to me - and that they aren't like other people in my past. I know this all in my head...I need it to transfer to my heart. I know it's the "fear demon" that I talked about in a previous post and I need to reduce it to its actual size. But the truth is, I don't know how to even approach a real, God-given friendship. I have had very few. You've got to understand that I have attracted sociopaths - literally - and unfortunately, trusted them with my friendship. And been burned.
I know that I am not fully the person that God wants me to be, or the children's pastor that God wants me to be. It is affecting my marriage, and it is keeping me from truly giving or accepting friendship the way I should be. Since one of these friends is also on staff with me at church, this problem has the potential to affect the ministry (and again, I know that this is probably something that the devil is throwing in the way of a mighty work that God wants to do in our church...it just needs to transfer from my head to my heart!) I know we need to walk wisely in our relationships, but I have moved beyond "wise" to "untrusting." I have prayed about this countless times. I am continuing to pray about it - but I think I need to have some objective people who are unrelated to the situation pray about it, too.
Thanks for letting me rant and share my requests here!!
Let's pray together: Dear Lord, thank you for your wisdom, love and direction. THank you for all of the people that you have allowed in our lives to be a blessing to us. Even the ones who have been instrumental in teaching us some tough life-lessons. We acknowledge that your Word says, that all things work together for our good. Jesus help us to find the good in difficult situations. Help us to be able to model your behavior as you dealt with Judas. Lord you called him friend. As difficult as this might be, Lord, you have also let us know in your Word that we call do all things if we allow you to strengthen us. Help us to learn from our hurts and to trust you the more. In the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
SIster, eventho we don't want to be or don't like to be hurt in our relationships, because of the trusting heart of a "sheep", it will be inevitable that this will occur at some point. Trust God!
I so understand where you are coming from. I get jealous when dh goes & plays basketball w/ his preacher buddy. He tells me, "why don't you go shopping w/ your friends?" And I say, "exactly who am I supposed go shopping with?" I, too, continue to struggle w/ whom to trust. My personality is such that I can do the "pw" thing and shake hands with visitors, get up @ the pulpit and speak, pray, preach, no problem (except a few nerves occasionally), and counsel. But to say "Hi. I am Tracy. Come meet the real me. Care to go shopping?" I just can't get there. I guess where I am confident being pw (I had such a wonderful mom to be a role model), I just am not confident being Tracy.
Last Wednesday, I went to our District Lady's Tea, benefitting Project Rescue (that rescues girls from prostitution in India.) I was glad to help in any way possible:stayed late the night before setting tables, made foods the next day, no problem, until.... about 15 minutes before the tea was to begin, one of the ladies asked the sectional rep who were the hostesses (one hostess per table.) And our wonderful sectional rep said "Tracy." Yes, I about died there on the spot. I didn't mind serving. I could do that. But to play hostess & greet & smile & be open to total strangers in this more formal setting -- my nightmare come true. You see, I wasn't there as the pw, I was there as myself. I made it through by the Lord's help. And learned more about the wonderful work of Project Rescue.
I guess I said all that to emphasize the need for us to be comfortable in who we are as women. (Maybe if I write that 50 times I'll start to take it to heart.) Our district WM director gave in her message that she had to stop trying to be like everyone else and start being the best "me" possible. I'm trying to take that to heart.
While I'm praying for friends and to develop good friendships, I'm praying "Lord, help me to develop the qualities that I'm seeking in a friend." Puppetmaster, you've really made me think & search my heart. I think I'm going be more formal in my prayers & write down those qualities & pray for myself & the friends that He will bring my way (I did that for my husband, why not a friend?)
Puppetmaster, I'll be praying for you. I'm praying that you take your head knowledge (you are so wise by the way) will make its way to your heart & that you can develop some true friends.
Me again. I'll also be praying that the Lord will send you workers.
Someone emailed this to me the other day & I liked it. Thought I would share.
Simple and Real Friends A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine (or a bottle of coke in my case) to your party. A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed. A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems. A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you! Trace
P.S. I signed on as "Trace" because that's what my real friends call me.
Thanks for your post! I know I DO have real friends. And I am a living testimony that praying for them works! Perhaps the only desperate prayer that I ever prayed was for friends. And He answered that prayer, in a way that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was God!
I just need to remember that. I've been afraid to let myself get too close to them because of how I've been hurt in the past. I jokingly call myself a "prickly cactus" because I am not all touchy-feely like a lot of women seem to be - I have personal space issues, and I don't like people just coming up and touching me, other than my husband and a very, very select group of friends. But the truth is, that's what I have been emotionally. A prickly cactus.
And I need to let God work in my life and stop taking back the pain and insecurity that I give to Him to take care of!!
