What do you do when the church your husband is pastoring...the longer you stay the more you hate it...you dislike alot of the people (some for very good reasons...not just shallow stuff but true hurtful stuff) how do you keep a stiff upper lip and just tough it out with the right spirit and heart until God releases you? I am trying to not influence my husband to make a decision until GOD tells him...he knows I am very very unhappy....so i am trying to be quiet and let him alone about it....all the while I am growing more and more bitter and distance (cold and indifferent) toward the people that give him grief, distrusting of the ones that liked him at first and now have created their own distance and acted like they dont trust US....and no amount of husband going to them and trying to keep communication open is helping....it feels less and less like a church home and more and more like a prison to me....I am having a harder time going every week.....I really need God to help me.....are there any practical things I can do to help?
Oh I so understand where you are. I have no solutions except concentrate on those that you know are benefiting your husbands preaching and councel. I have to focus on those that we know are truly hungry for more of God and not the ones that are hurtful. I will be praying for you!
I realize that I am offended...and asking God to heal me and help me release folks and keep right heart...will be challenged on this even tonight...got to go and be around lady that snapped at my middle child last sunday and sent her into service (where her daddy was preaching) snubbing and near sob....I had to take her to bathroom to get her composure...I've not said anything...doubt i will (THIS TIME!!) but this child is too tenderhearted and she cant handle sharp mean tones....I dont use them, she is easily disciplined....this lady was mad at someone else (and I feel) took it out on my kid....so gotta go put on a smile tonight....
the rest is not gonna change and I am hopless for it too....our only hope is to outgrow the mean, old (they are long term members as well as up in years) members that have wormed their way on the elder board and making life increasingly difficult...and I am gonna trust my husband to hear God on when we are done here...until then I am gonna manage my stress and trust God because i am tryin to avoid going back on an antidepressent...I've been better for 3 years but i am having more and more symptoms of impending emotional fatigue.....the church split is not even over yet....we had another couple tell my husband last week they will be leaving in a couple weeks (after VBS) so we are having to suffer that knowledge in silence...and I know a few more will follow their lead....so I am offended at people who have not even left yet!! While I think some distance is gonna serve me well, I dont want to become unhealthy in it....trying to navigate the waters of this stuff....my husband and I talked about this last night and I didnt have to deal with this much stuff as an apw....I got to be friends with most of the folks...so this is a first for me, while its not for him. make sense?
Church splits are very painful, and feelings of hurt and bitterness do arise quickly. Apparently this situation is a trigger for your depression, and emotional well-being. You stated that you have no desire to go back on antidepressants. Would it help to take a weekend for yourself, to rest, reflect, and be with the Lord away from the noise? Not so much as running away, but to gain your strength, clairty and focus for this season in your life. Also, is there anyone you can talk to outside of the church about how you are feeling?? The more support you have at this time, the better.
