I'm about to bare my soul here, so please bear with me. Be warned: Long post ahead!
I don't even know where to start! First, our church's annual business meeting is coming up in a week and a half. We have an opening on our board. We have one guy who, at all costs, we NEED to keep from getting back on the board. He had basically been "running" the church for the past 40-50 years, pretty much ignoring the bylaws that said he had to take time off once his term was up. He's part of the handful of legalistic, religious people in our church who are pretty much against everything we're trying to do to change the church and put it on the right track so that we can actually do what we need to do as a church!! Well...a couple of years ago, our SP forced him to end his term and get someone else on. Now that it's been two years, he can technically get back on. He hadn't been nominated at all, until...
...the board member who has, in the past, given all of us on the pastoral staff trouble (she and her husband are best friends with this guy and his wife!), came in and nominated him. Her reason? Basically, she is upset at the fact that she doesn't have as much power as she thinks she should. My DH has taken the administrative job in the church office, and has been remodeling and making it a more professional office. She has been calling him at work, leaving him nasty notes, the whole deal. She is the church treasurer, and has been withholding deposits from both children's and youth ministries and not telling us, thus making the YP and I look like we're mismanaging our accounts. After our confrontation with her last December about her gossiping, she's been sort of laying low, but now the fangs are coming out.
Our SP, our YP, and me are all extremely discouraged by the fact that every little thing we try to do gets opposed. Our pastor's wife flat out told us, "If it's between you and (this person), she can just go take a flying leap!" But it's discouraging, nonetheless. I don't want our team broken up - I love our staff and how well we work together and I have made some of the best friends in my life there. I feel like we're all called by God to be there and to work with each other, but that the church just isn't listening to Him. I am scared to death of what might happen. I know that "friends are friends forever" and blah, blah, blah, but this is the first real friendship I've had...well, ever! I would love it - I have even prayed for this - if we could at least stay remotely in the same geographical vicinity. But I want more than that, truthfully! I want to stay in this church. I love those kids so much! I want to see my Rainbows aged kids graduate from high school. It all comes down to this one person who is giving us so much trouble, we're all about ready to have a nervous breakdown. I've prayed that God will either shut her up or remove her from the church.
To top it all off, my DH feels that I am either clinically depressed or bipolar and need to go to a doctor. I have been unreasonably down and depressed for the past couple of weeks, and show all the symptoms of at least depression...I even took the Mayo Clinic's online assessment. Trouble is, I don't know what to do about it. I can't get in to see my regular doctor for a month, and I need to get a referral in order to see a specialist (ain't insurance grand?). But I don't know what to do then, either. I don't want to take drugs. I've seen what antidepressants and other mood disorder drugs do to people...I'm not suicidal or homicidal -just can't seem to shake the blues and I can't really pinpoint what is wrong. It's like I told DH: if my dog was hit by a car, I'd be sad, but at least I'd know why I was sad. Right now, I don't know why - I'm just sad and crying all the time. And because I can't let down my guard at work or at church, DH gets the brunt of it. Does wonders for our sex life, let me tell you.
Oh, and did I mention I'm getting licensed next Tuesday at District Council?
Please keep me, my DH, and our entire pastoral staff in your prayers in the next week and a half. Thanks!
First let me say that I am praying for you. My prayer in Jesus' name is that God will give you peace and direction in the midst of this situation.
As far as depression goes, there are ways to treat depression other than medication, unless it is severe clinical depression. In that case, the meds would get you to a frame of mind where counseling or therapy would be beneficial. Check to see if your employer has an employee assistance plan. At my job we have a service called Lifeworks. They offer free counseling and other resources over the phone to all our employees, and they will refer you to a local therapist/counselor if needed.
If you do not have that option. I would suggest calling your Dr.'s office and explaining to them that you need to see your Dr. right away, and they either need to work you in or call you the moment that they receive a cancellation. If you had the flu or something they would work you in. To me, this is just as important. I will look up some of the research that I have on depression and send you the ones that I have electronically. This may help in the meantime.
Don't worry about the church situation, just pray and let God handle it. I know that this is easier said than done, but I don't think that this is going to end up in your entire staff being disassembled. God put you together for a reason. I know how hard it is to be in a place where you are not appreciated and it seems like there is so much fallow ground that needs to be broken up. It can wear you down on every front if you let it. Sometimes you are not even aware of it until significant damage has occured.
Continue to seek the Lord and delight in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
It's easier said than done, but do not stress over the church situation as far as thinking you are going to be split up. The staff answers to the pastor - period. If this person somehow ousts your pastor - then you would have that possibility, but if that doesn't happen I can't imagine your pastor letting you or the YP go, as good a relationship as you have with he and his wife and as well as things are going. Basically you just have to deal with the fact that this woman is a royal pain in the neck.
As a friend of mine says, let your prayer be, "melt her (by the Holy Spirit), or let her leave." Either she will repent or leave. Unless she somehow has the influence to cause your pastor's departure. Do you think that is a possibility?
In any event, RELAX. God is in control. I believe this is a distraction. This should be a happy time for you - you are being credentialed. It's an important moment for you. Don't let this church lady steal your joy.
Perhaps you could speak to a Christian psychologist about this before going on medication. If you need to go on medication there is nothing wrong with it. If you had a broken arm you would get it fixed. With some there is a stigma about medication but there should not be. Take your time and seek a solution that will take care of your depression but not affect your sex life, etc. You may just need some vitamins, such as an herbal treatment, perhaps daily walking for 30 minutes will help (that always helps me!), make sure you are exercising. Use that Curves membership of yours!!!
Don't let the church kill you. It's not worth it. You are there to serve them but not die for them. Jesus already did that.
I'm feeling much better today. DH has talked to both our YP and SP, and both of them really like this area and don't want to leave. We've even tossed around the idea of a church plant (someday!) that caters to the artistic community and their families (Minneapolis is a HUGE theatre area - rivaled only by New York and maybe Chicago!). For example, maybe holding services on Mondays instead of Sundays, since Mondays are the traditional "day off" for professional actors and most of them can't get to church on Sundays due to afternoon matinees.
Regardless, point is, we have all been dreaming, and our dreams include both Minneapolis and each other. We all realize that there are very few teams that work together as well as we do, and we know a good thing when we see it! Also, our YP's husband is a police officer in the area, and he's not really keen on the idea of bouncing from town to town, police force to police force. It just plain doesn't work that way for cops!
I just really want to stay where we are for awhile so that we can really build something that lasts. Right now if we were to leave, that church would die, and the majority of the people who attend there are very "real," very loving and caring people.
On the plus side, we just started the Alpha course on Wednesday night, and that brought in a whole crew of new people...new people with children...in grades 1-3 (where we have been seriously lacking!). They all loved it and plan to come back and bring more friends, too. Maybe God is just in the process of pruning the "dead" fruit from the church so that we can grow.
As far as the whole depression (or bipolar, or whatever!) thing goes...I am definitely not "hyper-faith" about the whole deal. I believe wholeheartedly in the use of medication for illness (Heck, I probably keep the cold medicine industry in business singlehandedly with all my sinus/allergy issues !). I am just uneasy about mood disorder drugs because of the effects I've seen on other people who take them. They became complete zombies without an ounce of personality. I definitely want to start out with a Christian counselor - do any of you know of any in the Twin Cities area? Thought I'd ask, the A/G being such a small, inbred world!!
Anyway, I know that my problems are not "solved" yet, but I have determined to hold onto "feeling good" and just enjoy this weekend, getting licensed, and seeing my mom .
-just can't seem to shake the blues and I can't really pinpoint what is wrong. It's like I told DH: if my dog was hit by a car, I'd be sad, but at least I'd know why I was sad. Right now, I don't know why - I'm just sad and crying all the time. And because I can't let down my guard at work or at church, DH gets the brunt of it. Does wonders for our sex life, let me tell you
.
!). I am just uneasy about mood disorder drugs because of the effects I've seen on other people who take them. They became complete zombies without an ounce of personality. I definitely want to start out with a Christian counselor - do any of you know of any in the Twin Cities area? Thought I'd ask, the A/G being such a small, inbred world!!
