The inevitable has happened: I will be doing a wedding ceremony for one of DH's cousins this summer.
Here's the deal: They are actually already married by the state. They have a baby that was born before they were married. So pretty much, it's a done deal. But they want a "real" ceremony, with a pastor, and flowers, and all that.
Trouble is, they're not saved, so they don't know any pastors. They tried randomly calling one that they found in the phone book and he pretty much blew them off. DH's cousin called him in tears - she even asked him if HE would just do the ceremony. He told her that he would feel uncomfortable, not being a pastor and all, but that I would be licensed by then and that he'd ask me.
I agreed, provided that the meet with us on at least three occasions before the ceremony. As a child of divorce, I can't in good conscience perform a ceremony - even one that is more symbolic than actual - without sitting down and talking to them beforehand. The pastor who married us had us fill out a "compatibility" questionaire that highlighted our strengths and weaknesses and how we could complement each other. Possibly the Meyers-Briggs test, because I know that really helped us to understand each other after we'd been married 3 or 4 years! Plus DH and I thought this would be a great way to present salvation to them and encourage them to get involved in a church.
Is there anything else I should know? I mean, I AM married, and have been to many weddings, but it's a little different looking at it from the perspective of the one DOING the ceremony...
Any advice that any of you could give me would be great!!
Due to the fact that they are already married by the state, and that decision has already been made, I would not turn this opportunity down, no matter what the results of your meetings. Reason being -- you can use it as a time to speak into their life. You dont' have to get up there and "sugarcoat" anything or act like they are Christians. If I were you, I would give them a firm "charge" in the ceremony as to what marriage is really all about, what is expected of them, how God sees marriage, what their responsibilities are... etc. etc.
Remember, you don't have to get up there and pretend they are saved, nor fake anything.
We do the same thing with baby dedications. Sometimes people will ask us that we know are not right with God. We don't turn them down, but we also don't make it into something it's not. We get up and say, "Jim, Martha -- this baby dedication is not a formality. It is not for the child as many assume. It's for YOU. This dedication is a firm commitment on your part that you will take responsibility to raise this child in the ways of the Lord. That is a very serious thing and something that should not be done just as a formality. You take these vows before God and man today, and you will be held accountable as to whether you keep these vows."
They have obviously just taken their vows as a legal thing at this point, but they need to know how God sees it, and why it is so important that they keep these vows. And also, the fact that WITHOUT HIM THEY WILL NOT MAKE IT. You are absolutely right - bring the salvation message.
I think if you turn them down they will more than likely just find someone who will sugarcoat it and will not truly charge them with these responsibilities.
what an awesome opportunity! I completely agree with Pastor Deanna that this is a time for you to teach them a little bit about why God created marriage and also present the Gospel message to them . Wouldn't it be great if you led them to Jesus for salvation and then you could perform a wedding ceremony that honored God and their new lives. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it! God Bless!!
