Just needing a safe place to air out some of my thoughts.....mostly that our church is still such a screwed up mess with the school thing and so much negativity that it is depressing me. I literally HATE having to go. Fortunately, the last two weeks I have been able to use sickness as an excuse to stay home. Its only Monday, and already I hate the thoughts of going Wednesday and Sunday. I dont trust hardly anyone there. The few that are truly nice and I think sincere, I still find my self withdrawing from....I dont want to be around a soul from there......I am miserable. its not the kind of church that you can go into the neighborhood with your head held high and say "come to my church! Its great!" I wouldnt invite anyone cause it's on the verge of a split and has so many issues (like past hurts from a dictator like leader that they are now self willed and rebellious to any kind of spiritual authority).......I am just focusing on my family and my house and my school.......I always thought that when we got to pastor, I would be involved and help in areas and that opposite has played out.....i want nothing to do with anything in this church......if its where God has us and He is trying to work a work through my husband there........then I need Him to minister to me....but I dont know how to get thru hating where i am.....I know its partly selfish but its partly their fault to........it is so not a safe place. I dont know who is safe and like I said those that are....I am even withdrawing from. I am truly getting depressed....but only about church (or atleast I think) otherwise....I feel ok. I dont feel any extra anti-social otherwise........how do you survive in a church you dont like??????
Also, I so appreciate having a safe place to vent. I know I usually only check the boards when I am needing to get thigns off my chest. I feel almost like I use you ladies......and if so I am sorry. But, do you know how awesome it is to know where you can turn and scream into your pillow to and know that it will be heard and understood???? This board of ladies has helped me hash things out for years now and it means alot......
I totally understand what you mean. There are plenty of times when Ijust needed to vent and I came here. Other women of God in ministry or married to a pastor who totally understand the hurts and pains we go through. It is tough to be in a place that you hate, even more so when the lashing is on you and you are the only one who feels like they are experiencing it. I have been in places or situations that I do not like, and even though I couldn't change anything..God ended up growing me up and maturing me in the process. I would NEVER put someone in those types of situations either.
As far as depression... from this situation ,have you been feeling this way just at the church you are at now, or has it been at other times during your marriage??
I am praying for you and know we are always here for you to vent to, and you are here for us too!!
I feel like the depression is from this particular situation. I went thru clinical depression a few years back, recieved proper treatment and have been fine since. it's just when i realize its church night or that we have a church function to attend--especially if I know the difficult folks will be there--that I wind up dreading it, and try to find any reason to miss.
oh yeah. Just waiting on God's direction or a breakthrough. He is on the front lines. Most of the mistreatment and anger is at him. I mean...he actually has had to stand there and let people tell him how much his preaching wasnt feeding them and how miserable they are since we came to the church blah blah balh.....
at the same time, there are people coming that never came before and tell him how much his preaching blesses them and feeds them and they are so thankful for God sending us there......
I think a big part of it for me is fear....because i dont know how this is gonna turn out.....I am staying withdrawn so I wont be so hurt. I cant handle knowing what all is going on and how much crap my husband is hearing.....it would cause me to get bitter. I am better off staying out of it and away from it. Knowing these people are so mean to him and dont want us there makes me really hate having to be around them and smile and endure their being nice to me.....I feel like if you dont like my husband....then you dont like me! I see past the two facedness and phoniness but i am having to smile and endure it....or stay home....and here lately staying at home is better.
I can hear in your words how hurt you are by these people's words. It must be tough. When my hubby and I were pastoring there were four church members who always told me how upset they were with my husband's preaching,and he should do this, and say that. etc.
What matters the most is hearing the voice of God in this matter above all the noise and chattering of disgruntled sheep. You are there to shepherd them, and yet they disobey. Its' funny, because when a sheep runs around and doesn't listen to the shepherd, the shepherd usually would take his staff and break the leg of the sheep. Thus why you always see pictures of a shepherd carrying a lamb, or sheep. Now i am not saying to go break some people's legs, but I would be willing to help you if need be!
Just know that Iam praying for you and that God is bigger than people's false expectations and disgruntled hearts. Keep on standing, raise your rod, and let God move the waters for you!
Just want you to know I understand what you are going through. We are struggling with things here too. Not to the extent you are. You and your husband should try to think of things this way....God placed you there despite the people, we had to get to a place that we are here for the ones that really want to know more about God and grow in Him not the ones that want to complain. Every church has its complainers not much you can do about them. As for the elders leading or the pastor leading it sounds like they just want control. We have the same situation here, except that they dont want pulpit time. But the behind the scenes control is undermining my husbands authority. We are seeking God about what His plans are for us and this church. WE will continue to pray for you and your husband. I don't blame you for wanting to hide and shield yourself. Try to remember every time you don't go means your husband is bearing the front of the battle and he may NEED you to be there for the support he needs right now. It's not fun but I am learning to put his needs way before my feelings. It stinks and it hurts. IF you want message me on facebook and I will share what we are going through nothing like what you are but we are struggling as well and I personally am being slammed no tht ein your face kind of ways but it still hurts. I am at the point that I am not planning r doing anything for these people I am doing it only for God and if they want to grow so be it and if not so be it. I am tired of adults acting like children. They need to grow up and stop being babies. I could understand it if they were babies in Christ but our congregation is not in thei catagory unless they never grew up which may be the whole reason we are dealing iwth the pettiness and yuck we are facing. Praying for you!
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Just found out that some of the folks who have left in the past year planted some seeds in folks before they left that my husband is a "wolf in sheeps clothing"....WOW!! That explains alot.....how much more obsurd can this thing get....
If it makes you feel better...according to our last church, my husband was the source of all evil and I was a witch (makes sense that we'd be married, I guess!)...
(((hugs))) Been there, done that, and praying and believing that God has something better just around the bend for your family. Read Psalm 56 (I know I say this a lot, but it's a great chapter!).
To update you all...the elders and my husband voted to ask the school to relocate after this school year finishes. It is for the best. We are sure to lose a few families, but are praying for the Lord to ahve mercy on the innocent families caught in the middle and help open the eyes of those who, due to their limited knowledge of all the facts that the elders cannot rightfully disclose) that the Lord will give these people trust in the leadership of the church and that they will not continue the trend of bucking rightfull spiritual authority.
I think the final straw was just sitting and going over everything one last time in a meeting with our oversight and accountability...hashing out all the things that has transpired before we came and sense...realizing that many of the families that are connected with the school left the church and took their tithe and started putting their tithes in the school....but still wanted the church to foot the bills...and some of the families that havent left the church yet have quit tithing and have been putting it in the school....there was no doubt left when we wrote it all out so to speak and counted all the negatives versus all the positives....it had to go....
while we are apprehensive about the next few months until the transition takes place and the likely split happens and is over....but we feel a great sense of hope when we think of the future...with our property back and unity on the premises....
