Ok ladies, I know many of you have probably encountered this type of conflict and I need some advice.
Let me explain...first off this is our first senior pastorate position and we have NO staff. My dh teases me saying "honey you are my staff!" Anyway that being said, we have a gentleman in the hospital who is in critical condition. He is a new believer and his family does not attend our church. WE are basically waiting for God to step in and perform a miracle...gentleman has had a heart attack and has had to be recessitated 3 times in the last week. The conflict...we are suppose to leave on vacation (our only vacation) and our friends have paid for us to go with them. THe lodging has been paid for and is not refundable. We will be 6 hrs away from home. Not a terrible distance. We are planning to go and if something happens to come back.
Here is where I need advice. Our kids are 8, 6 and twin 4 year olds. How in the world do you explain to them "sorry kids we have to leave"? THey are so looking forward to this as are we. We have had a tough year and a half and we really need this getaway. Our 8 yr old already has issues with sacrificing his dad all the time. He loves the Lord and likes to serve but he states alot "Mom I didnt ask to be apart of the ministry, I just want a normal life." My dh does a great job of putting his family first most of the time.
SO ladies have you dealt with this before and what or how do you explain it to your kids?
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Is there any possible chance that only one of you could return back in the event of an emergency? (i.e. the man's family or the church could fly one back).
Secondly, special time with that particular child and dh is especially important. Example: My dh surprised our middle child and actually skipped a church service to take him to a professional ball game. I held down the fort at church while they did this. This was a rare thing for my dh as he is a workaholic. Little thoughtful things like that help give the pk a balanced picture. There are also pk retreats to help encourage and support them in this unique position.
Thirdly, the 8 year old is old enough to "shadow" dh on pastoral calls and with discretion I would begin to start taking him along so that he can hands-on experience the "feeling" of being a part without feeling like an outsider looking in ("missing" his Dad and recenting the ministry).
How about pre-arranging for another minister friend in town or in your section to handle the emergency in your absence and returning the favor sometime?
Do you have anyone i the church who can serve in visitation even for just this one instance?
I feel the important thing, I feel, is not necessarily for you to "do" the ministry but to make sure it's covered.
I would work it out to not come back if at all possible...line up hospital visitation, some cards, some people to call, in the case of continued illness.
In the case of a funeral this one is tougher, but one time my dh did arrange for another minister to handle a funeral. As long as the person is not on your leadership or board I think you could possibly get away with it for the sake of the family.
Thank you 2as1 and PD! Yes we have people who will go visit this person. He is doing better thankfully! At this point we will only return if he does die. Right now it looks like he is going to pull through despite what the doctors have said! Praise God! Its a HUGE testimony for him and we are seeing his family amazed and awed! His wife has even stated she will come to church with him when he is able! That is huge! Our oldest son does go with us on visitations and loves to help with the food pantry ministry we have. He also enjoys helping ocassionally with puppets in CC. He loves to serve and loves the Lord. I think alot of where that statement came from is from aggravation for the last two months. We had alot of things going on in the church and a lot of people sick so both of us have been going on visitations. We had a long talk last night and he "gets" why we go on visitations and why right now this situation has been a little more stressing. Thanks so much for your advice! I am so glad I have a place to come vent, get advice and have friends here that "get it"! PD thank you for creating Pastoring Partners!
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Just an update....God is awesome, not only is this gentleman at home and healing his family is coming to know our Mighty God in heaven through his testimony. The Doctors were saying he had no chance of living!
We were able to go on vacation, DH and our eldest son were able to spend lots of time together. Check out our family fun times at www.thediaperheads-kellyfamily.blogspot.com
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Ok ladies, I know many of you have probably encountered this type of conflict and I need some advice.
