Hi ladies. Yes it is me. It has beed a while. Business is busy and I have been a little under the weather. I have been having alot of pelvic pain and pressure. Went to the FNP (last Wednesday) in our church who ordered an ultrasound and sonogram which found an endometrioma (chocolate cyst)4.7 cm with no sign of fluid. First thing I did was hit the internet. Alot of what I read was educating and actually very encouraging. Fast forward to Sunday Evening. I am in the ER hurling everwhere and doubled over with cramoing shooting pain. I am thinking the cysdt is rupturing or something. They did a ct scan and said it was smaller (2.5cm)and must be leaking . And he said that wasnt large enough to be causing the pressure (think baby bearing down on your bones) that I was complaining about. So I need to follow up with an ob/gyn which I will just be getting to do tomorrow. I am just upset about the conflicting reports (solid or fluid) and I found on the internet that ct scan are poor indicators of cyst anyway? poor images of them that mri or ultrasounds are more trustworthy. So now I am kind of aggravated at the well intentioned friends who have insisted that I stay off the internet and quit worrying. I have learned alot to ask my doc in the morning!
Has any of you had this female problem? I know this is not ministry related but it is aggravating (wrong on my part I'm sure) but I am being totally honest , to have people know what's going on (due to prayer request from the pulpit) people even came the ER to see me (me doped on pain killer and phenergan) and unable to carry on conversation, while they meant well. Now In retrospect, I am a little miffed. That is kind of a private thing. And people were in my ER room! With me hurling and braless in an open backed gown. So now when I returned to church , still hurting some, people are like "how are you doing?" and when I say better they are all like well we knew God would heal you! And I appreciate their prayers, I really really do. But I want to tell them I dont even know what is going on wth me yet! And better does not mean back to perfect! Its a little embarrassing. I am touched that people cared so much. It is just a little embarrassing. And I am afraid some may be hurt at me because I did not say much to them in the ER but I was doped up. WHat was I supposed to do?
So I am told not to worry. Which I know I shouldnt. And I am probably wrong for wanting to know what is going on before I pray and ask God's help with it. Probably a serious lack of faith on my part. But I am going through the study of Beth Moore's Believing God and is really convicting me that I have let my faith grow idle and dormant. Is it aggravating for people to know your health concerns?
Do you fight wanting to keep things hush hush? Now I understand why our pastor does keep so many aches and pains (serious at times too) to himself or close associates. It has kind of embarrassed me.
Am I being a total jerk? (Probably am but I am in a cramping funk today and it is hindering me getting work done and PMS is kicking in too. So I am a force to be reckoned with I guess.)
How do I be nice without giving people a full print out of my chart or explain my ovarian function to everyone. (see I told you, I feel mean today and I hope God will understand and overlook me)
Am I the only mean one that wants a little privacy about such things?
Second, you have a right to keep anything private that you want to keep private. I understand that's not easy to do. In fact, it takes work! But if you want to keep your health concerns completely private, it's perfectly okay.
I understand where you are coming from. I have been in the hospital since I've been here in Tampa. My dh told the nurses in no uncertain terms that any visitors had to be cleared through him. We let very few people through. I realize it can ruffle some feathers when folks show up at the hospital and get turned away, but you have to let the medical staff take care of that. My dh just asked them to tell certain people that I would not be taking any visitors at the time.
When you are sick, the last thing you should have to worry about it entertaining church members or making "them" feel right. Being in the hospital is a time to focus only on yourself and getting better. Please don't worry one whit about who you might have offended by being "out of it" in the hospital. If they have a problem with that, they need to leave your church -- they won't do you or your church a bit of good if that's their attitude, that they "expected" something out of you at that moment. As far as I'm concerned if somebody's showing up at the hospital and I'm the one in the hospital, they are there to serve me, not the other way around. RELAX!!!
You are not wrong to feel this way, it's difficult to go through these things and keep going in ministry. You shouldn't have the added pressure of explaining to people. Just confide in your closest friends.
Just want to let everyone know that my exam turned out good. They scheduled another ultrasound in a few weeks to make sure everything is gone and started powerful antibiotics to head off infection from the rupture. Much of the pain is now explained by endometreosis even the irritable bowel I have suffered with for the past few years. So I am relieved. They are still alittle concerned that there was a functional cyst in the first place, becuase when you are on BC pills it aint supposed to happen so if reoccurs it will warrant some investigation. But for now all is well and I am feeling better. I told my dh about my privacy frustration and he was totally understanding and said he would not let it happen again. SO that made me feel better too. Just thought Id let you know. Thanks for being there when a soul needs to vent.
I am, and I know everyone here is ssssssssssssoooooooooooo glad to praise God with you Cassandra! I hope you continue to feel well. love, lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
Cassandra - I am praying with and for you and I understand. I have suffered for years with polycystic ovaries and have had cysts to rupture and I have had a cystectomy, the last cyst I had removed was the size of a grapefruit on a body part the size of a walnut. The pain is unlike anything that has words attached to it and I know how you feel about being private and concerned....
Admittedly for me when I went through my last surgery I was so doped up I did not realize that people had come in there and I am sure that I looked a hot mess! But when people mentioned having visited me I had to laugh about it and say oh no you have seen me without a hat on....
I understand your struggle with privacy... I have learned sometimes it is easier to suffer in silence than have to make explanations to the crowds... A few years ago when I went through an ovarian cancer scare (which was really nothing more than the insensitivity of my gynecologist) I told no one but the Lord and my husband, so when we missed service for my surgery all he said was that my wife is not doing well and I am going to take her to the doctor. My biopsy was an in and out thing, so we did not tell them until after it was over... Now the struggle for us is do we tell them so that they can pray or do we tell them so they can praise... We opted for the latter.
At any rate, just know that I am praying with you and I feel your pain... God be praised for his manifold blessings and for prescriptions. Between the prescriptions and the pre-scriptures may you find healing, health and wholeness.
