Let me begin this by saying that I am not licensed, or ordained. My fiance is not licensed or ordained, but we have been serving under our current pastor for 2 years now. He has interned with our current yp for one year.
About a year ago, a new team member came aboard, let's call her Sam. Sam also became employed at the church, just a little while later. We had gotten to know each other, so she recommended me to her former employer, and I was hired. Due to religious reasons about six months later, I left that job. I was angry with her, because I felt like she lead me into it blind, and left out a lot of things that would have made me say no to it. Around this time, we met at a restaurant to talk this out, but I'm non-confrontational, and this just buried it. Later we meet with her significant other, and mine, and they ended up talking more about it than we did. We used to meet together pretty regularly with another couple. After this, the woman from the other couple asked me about a couple of things that Sam had said. They were completely untrue.
What frightens me now is that Sam is still employed at the church, still working in the youth ministry. I am worried that our coolness towards each other has been noticed by our team members, and I assume that if they can see it, our students can too. Our team has become divided over the last couple of months; I believe this is be a result of gossip. (I can't lie, and say that I don't struggle with this, but about this issue, I have been stonefaced, with the exception of my fiance, and my mentor.) I would love to just confront her, and take her out. I won't allow her to slander my fiance, or to hurt our ministry, but I don't know what to do at this point. What do you think?
I would need to know more of the details to give better advice on this but I would say fromwhat you have told me - proceed with caution. It seems that Sam is the type of person who cannot be trusted and you do not know where the YP stands, nor the SP. (At least you haven't said where they stand...maybe you know...) Bottom line is, who has more influence, you or her? These things can be difficult and you don't want to proceed too soon and have it blow up in your face. Probably better that you let others figure out on their own what she's all about especially if you are not sure how what you say will be received.
Whether or not I tell someone how I feel depends on my depth of relationship with them. For instance...
Let's say one of my close friends is headed for a disaster with someone and I have some info that I know will save them...absolutely I go and privately and confidentially share that with them, knowing my influence is far greater than the other person.
However, if the person is not a close friend and I am not sure how they will react or where they stand, I will often just wait and let them discover the information themselves and then stand by them very loyally and take up for them in whatever fallout may occur. Now let me say that if and when she opens her mouth and even begins to cause any damage to your pastor, you MUST speak up at the first moment, however if this is just info you know about her "track record" and it has nothing to do with your staff right now I'd recommend that you keep quiet until she says something that affects them. Reason being, you don't know whether they will believe her or you. Know what I mean?
If the team is divided right now and you have not opened your mouth to anyone except your fiancee, you cannot be blamed for that. Obviously it's what "Sam" is doing or some other factor you're unaware of. But I guarantee the YP and probably the SP are aware. Amazing how much they know but probably can't tell you right now.
Ironic how much church stuff can be like being on "Survivor".
I hope what I've said makes sense. If I'm totally off base here and not seeing something or there's more to the story, fill in the gaps as much as possible so we can help. I'm just trying to understand by what you've told us. I'm sure others will have good input.
