Building a home that you own is definately the way to go! Now 18 years down the road of ministry, we do not own a home or have the new cars either. It is barely furnished the way we would like it. We have lived in a parsonage the last 13 years. While it is a very nice one with an entire neighborhood that is Christian , we somewhat regret not ever buying a home years ago and NOW it's almost impossible with one income (and inflation that has occured from a building boom in our area.) My dh is very distressed over this and says parsonages are no longer the 'way to go' ; it's an old-fashioned concept. I have a little different take that I will share later.
Cons: Living in a parsonage is literally living in a glass house! Especially if you are next to people from your church or right beside the church, people do watch you and make assessments.Their kids may even look in the window from time to time. My dh is so modest and private & when he found out the neighbor boy saw him in his underwear - he felt embarrassed. They also can see who you associate with and become jealous .People pop in when they feel like it and whenever something is needed at the church, they do not hesitate to knock and ask the pastor. Whenever the alarm system goes off, you're tending to it at all hours. If you want to sell your books/tapes, you cannot do it from the parsonage or church address because it's non-profit org. (if you are getting the finances).
Pros: (my opinion not dh's) - Depending on a policy if a repair over a certain dollar amount is needed, the church pays for it. This is a huge blessing because it leaves more money for you to "decorate" because you do not have a house payment /repairs/remodeling expenses (living from pay check to pay check). My Christian neighborhood is priceless. We all look out for eachother's kids and see things from a biblical world view. My kids have always had someone to play with (from a very nice family) in a country setting (now turning city). This is a pretty parsonage...nicer than we could afford. Kids say we look "rich" and that makes my kids feel proud. Hope this helps.
PS Living a few miles away would limit some of the "stopping by" visits and set good boundaries from the get go (i.e. call before stopping by, etc)
We live in the parsonage of our church. IT is wonderful and it does help us out financially. Although in the beginning it was hard because some families would show up at the most stressed times of the day. I mentioned very discreetly to a deacons wife about the situation and asked her advice. She took care of it for me very politely. She struck up a conversation and made sure it was loud enough that others heard that she just hates it when people just stop by by without calling. She went on saying how difficult it must be for the pastors (us) to have that happen when we have 4 kids that need our attention. She really helped the situation and I said nothing and did nothing and was as far away from the conversation as I could get. Had I known she would do it that way I may not have talked to her that day. But it helped a great deal and now we have people who call first specially if its like early evening, dinner time bed time for the kids. We still have people who stop by and I really dont mind it. As long as they know we have 4 kids, my house although clean is not a picture perfect house and that at and after dinner is just not a good time if they want me to sit and talk. We have an open house policy but ask that they respect the time unles sits an emergency. So far we havent had any problems. Make sure you set boundaries. It helps! melissa
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Melissa, you sound like a hospitable person. Is your dh outgoing too? Mine is very private and never really liked alot of activities at home. But now he's seeing the importance of small group meetings. We had an awesome water balloon fight with the deacons and their families! We do volleyball and the kids have a pool. We had a go cart and have had lots of parties with it. I do formal dinner parties. I love entertaining. I have to admit unannounced guests have been a rare event over out 13 years as SP's. Clear boundaries help. And many sweet people are very considerate and just leave surprises at our doorstep. I think that is pretty considerate; I like that they did not want to impose.
But a few times they have come at a bad time for us. Once I was totally maxed with stress as a stay at home Mom and was having a melt-down. I screamed from another room as loud as I could and the door bell ran afterwards. I felt so embarrassed. But it was a very Godly, non-judgmental woman and she never said a word. Another time the neighbor girl asked her Mom (my friend) ... Do all Pastor's yell at their kids? Dh is a very meek mild-mannered man but his active boys 2 years apart can push his buttons. He will yell occasionally. Then someone shared a Mark Lowry tape with me and some of his stories about growing up in church and "his" MaMa really helped me see that as long as it's not a habit or regular pattern yelling is somewhat normal for extroverted PA's especially. When you don't get adequate breaks, melt-downs happen. Mark Lowry described his Mom having a melt-down and the phone rings: She changes instantly to her really sweet voice and says "Hello". LOL
Lastly, just last week a drug addict knocked at our door at mid-night wanting money. But really these things haven't been so bad. It's a good idea to be close to the church but not right at it. You'll have fun building because you get to pick out what you like and repairs won't be needed for years. Good for you! I am happy for you.
My husband and I lived in the parsonage at our first church.
We had people stopping in at all times and calling our home line. This is good sometimes to be available, but we were right next to the church and EVERYONE knew we were home.
Next time, we will own our home home a few miles away...that way we can still be close, but able to decorate it and paint it how we would like.
We lived in a parsonage when we first started out in ministry. It can be difficult for all of the aforementioned reasons.
Larry and I are the type of people that if we don't go out with people after service for lunch, we typically come home, eat Sunday dinner and go to sleep before evening church activities if we have them. Many times we'd be awakened from our nap by somebody banging on the door saying, "I forgot my umbrella - it's in the sanctuary, can you come unlock the doors?" Or the same would happen about a bible, a purse, a jacket, etc. We'd have to wake up, get dressed, come over and let them in the church, etc.
On the other hand it's very convenient for family purposes. We had a little baby and one car. We both worked in the ministry. (We were youth pastors/music pastor) Our offices were literally just a few feet away. We did everything together and lived on the church campus so it made it easy.
At this point in our ministry we live about 15-20 minutes from the church. When we first moved here we lived about 5-10 min. away. I do miss that. I think 5 minutes away is about perfect. Nobody really stopped by unannounced when we were 5 minutes away. At least that was our experience.
I have found a method that works for me on this issue of people stopping by unannounced or such. I have always been one to flow in hospitality. We have people over often. We invite all the first times guests to our home for a newcomer's night. And we have our leaders meetings at our home and such. Every time I have opportunity we have people over. So, I do not feel bad to tell people the following...I simply say:
"As you folks know, we are pastors who open our home very often. All of you are invited over when you are newcomers, to our home for an evening of fellowship. We have our leaders meetings and many other things such as small groups, Bible studies, trainings, prayer meetings, etc. at our home. We do open our home and we want you here, however we do ask that you do not drop by unannounced and respect our family time and our privacy. We are people just like you and we have a private life and we need time with our family. We love you and want to spend time with you but please give us the respect of waiting for an invitation."
I have not had many cross those boundaries - very rarely. Once in the past few years someone stopped by and my kids unfortunately opened the door and let them in without thinking and I was in my 'scrubbies" (old t-shirt, shorts, barefeet, no makeup,hair undone) and I was scrubbing the kitchen floor. (It was my day to clean and I had been doing bathrooms and floors) It was very embarrassing for me that they stopped by and the kids let them in and I did speak to the situation and I said my aforementioned speech. It worked.
