This may be something you all have gone through. I never have, though.
How do you handle having a pregnant teenager in your church. I am wondering do we throw a baby shower for her just like the married ladies? I do not want to give the impression that it is okay to engage in premarital sex, get pregnant and we will celebrate it.
I am not condemning her, b/c she has already repented to God for her choice and the baby is blessed , but I have never had this happen in our church. So I don't know how to handle it.
The best thing to do is open your heart and arms to this girl. The fact that she made the choice to keep the baby is wonderful! I deal with 13-19 year olds who are having babies in the inner city. Throw her the biggest shower you can! Do it by theme or color. Celebrate her and this baby's life. Sounds like the father is going to be out of the picture. Even though you may have mixed feelings about responding, this is a common thing to feel. Love her, love her love her. Accept her, shower her with advice, relationship and the Word of God. A great idea is to look up her name and her baby's name in a name book. Write their meaning of their names down in a home made card and let them carry it with them! She needs to be reminded of God's love and Him never leaving or forsaking her, even when others do. The worst thing to do is nothing and let gossip start to spread like a wild fire in a dry woods. Be an example of a Godly woman to her, just by being there for her. Recruit others to help you plan this time in her life. She is a mommy now, and she will need all the love, support and encouragement she can get.
Other ideas:
-Set her up with someone to talk to about health during her 9 months. -Advise her to breast feed for the first 6 months if she is able to do so. It is better for the baby. -Talk about what to expect and the responsiblites for parenthood. -Look up ideas at www.crosswalk.com on how to mentor young women or even teens. -When you don't know somehting, ask, ask and pray! -Maybe get her connected with other people or women who have gone through this as well.
I will pray for you and this girl that: God will give you wisdom and ideas. God will open her heart to people, help, and relationships. This will be a testimony for others!
Love ya and Be Blessed! ~Autumn Rose
Beloved let us love one another, for love is of God and everyone that loveth, is born of God and knows God. He that loves not, knows not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:7-8
Blessing her is not condoning her sin, it is celebrating her life and her baby's life. If anyone asks you about this, use it as an oppertunity to share Christ's redemptive heart with them (yes, even if they are a child of the King, they still can have a judgemental spirit).
Let's face it; the deed is done. No matter how this baby came to be, he or she is a creation of God and is NOT a mistake - and we need to look forward!!
The thing to do is be as affirming as you can of this girl's decision to choose life for her child. And YES...stop the gossip immediately!
My pastor made this statement when dedicating a baby born to a single teen mom (with her permission, obviously!):
"This child was conceived out of wedlock, as most of us know. But that is not a reason for us as her church family to treat her any differently than we treat any other child in this church. Her mom has chosen to bring her up to know Jesus, and we are here today to affirm her and support her. We still choose abstinence as the best way to go, but we also teach Jesus' love and forgiveness, and we rejoice with her decision to choose life for her daughter."
This was proclaimed from the pulpit, and there is now absolutely no question as to where my SP stands on this issue - and he would absolutely back his words up with the appropriate action if anyone were to gossip or treat this young lady badly.
As leaders, we need to respond in the same way - when statistics say that 97% of people who are married engaged in sexual intercourse before marriage, this is going to be an issue that churches are going to face.
And of course you should throw her a shower!!! Didn't the Prodigal son's father throw him the biggest, baddest party anyone had ever seen when he came back home?!?!?!?
I agree with what everyone is saying. You have to remember that God is the creator of life! If He did not want this child to come then He would not allow the conception of the baby. Even if the young girl was married. Make sure no matter what you do that you speak affirmation over her and the baby! God has a specific plan for this baby the baby is not an "accident", the baby is not the sin! Celebrate a new life and make sure you are there to support her. You did not say if the parents are in church, if they are and if if they are not you should also reach out to them. They are probably embarressed about the situation and they will need support as well. About 10 years ago I watch two young teens who both got pregnant. One decided to keep her son the other stared the adoption process. In the end she kept her daughter as well. I watched the families really struggle with the issues at hand. Both came from loving Christian homes but this really tore the families up. The SP and his wife were great! They acknowldged that yes the girls made a mistake and that they had repented for their sins but that the child concieved was not the sin! The made sure to get the girls paired up with strong Christian women (moms) that could pray with, encourage and be that person they could confide in other than their parents. Both had beautiful showers and the child was celebrated. Both also waited until the child was born to do this so that it was truely the child being celebrated. Find keep people that will stand with you to stop the gossiping! That will be a key! Specially in the youth group! Use this as an opportunity for the youth to learn from this. You never know how your reaction to the situation and how your church reacts is going to open wide a new ministry in our church!
Missy
__________________
"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
I beg to differ though, I was a child born out of wedlock 40+ years ago. Of course, I have nothing against the baby being blessed nevertheless, having showers at church for unweds will open a can of worms! (In the long run). Personally, I think it also depends on genuine repentance of the teens (Corinthians says the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God and to expel the immoral brother not throw showers for them). However, the family or a loving friend should intiate a shower at their own expense (not a church sponsored one) and may invite church friends. We have a policy for showers. It's in writing and was developed due to excessive showers being given. We also, as a women's group support the local Christian pregnancy center.
My parents lived together. Back in the day it was taboo even for non-Christians but in our society people living together is acceptable (not according to the Bible) but according to "traditions of men". Sadly, even Christians are under deception regarding this. If we don't draw lines somewhere, we'll be in a mess as a church. I am happy to report that we've had only one teen pregancy in our 13 years here.Her mother is a faithful women worker in the church. But she was fine with our policy/procedure and understands how throwing showers can be a stumbling block to people "watching". I stopped by this teens shower and gave a gift but we valued integrity to God over parishoners. Seek the scriptures/pray about these situations. Get a committee of Godly women/men together and come up with a policy that reflects God's word and morality. He'll lead you. We can set standards and be loving at the same time.
"I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."
I Corinthians 5:9-12
"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
I Corinthians 6:9-11
I'm assuming that these are the passages you are referring to.
Remember, there are a lot of other habitual sins listed in these passages besides sexual immorality. Sexual sin is the easiest to point at, because we can see it most easily. We can look at a pregnant woman with no wedding ring and say, "She is in sin." We can point at two guys walking down the street holding hands and recognize that as sin.
But we don't always know when someone is slandering us or others. We can't always tell if someone has greed in their heart, or if they're putting something in their lives ahead of God (idolatry). Those people, if they are professing to be Christians and continuing to sin in those ways, should be expelled from the church, too (and let's face it: many are!!)
But the best part is the very last verse, "And that is what some of you WERE..." God's grace is radical and amazing, and covers everything.
The young lady referenced in the original post has repented, and therefore, her sin is under the blood of Jesus and remembered no more. Who are we to remember what our heavenly Father has forgotten?
With some people, yes, sexual immorality is a habitual lifestyle, and those people do need to be dealt with in a Biblical manner. But all it takes is one time to make a baby!! I believe that God is going to hold us accountable in a day and age when abortion is so readily available for not doing everything in our power to choose life and encourage others to do so.
I'd rather err on the side of caution and celebrate life - because life is precious to God no matter how it got here! I was part of a shower a few years ago that was thrown for a young lady who had been raped, gotten pregnant, and was choosing to keep the baby. I don't know if I would have the courage to do that - as a married, adult, licensed pastor - I'm being totally honest here!! Were we celebrating rape? Of course not!! But every child deserves a shot at making it in this world and being surrounded by people who are going to love him or her despite the circumstances of their birth.
God forgives us so that we can forgive others (Can you tell that's what I just preached on this morning, or what, LOL?!?!).
Now - a churchwide policy on showers is another matter - they can certainly get out of hand, and it is difficult to keep track and make sure that every single woman - married or not - gets acknowledged so as not to hurt feelings or whatever. I can see the wisdom in leaving it up to family or close friends and not using church $$ or resources (other than perhaps a room in the building if there is nowhere else to have it - I personally think it's cozier to host them in someone's home, anyway!).
But if a church has a policy that a shower is thrown for every firstborn child (and some churches are small enough to be able to do that!), then that policy should cover EVERY child that is born into the church :o).
Wow! This was good. I like the point about slander. Nevertheless, one can "see" many of these habitual sins listed (around us). It's just that a party or celebration would not be given in their honor as in the case of a baby shower. Therefore , genuine repentance is a factor. I haven't read our policy recently but I believe eligible ones are to be regular attenders for a period of at least 1 year and are to be married. We found people would show up at church when they're pregnant (to "be given" a shower) and then you wouldn't see them again. Therefore, a policy by a committee considering all situations and angles was imperative. Teen pregnancy is a tough issue. Many churches no longer give showers due to the complicated situations above. If it were up to me, I'd stop showers given by the church altogether.
We are also running into problems re: baby dedications while the couple's are living together without a legal marriage but want to stand in front of the church and dedicate their babies to the Lord. Which is essentially saying they will train them in the ways of the Lord and live an exemplary life. I still stand by the convictions of my first post. And remember: I was born out of wedlock. It's nothing against the unborn...I think they should still be provided for but in another way other than a BIG church shower that gives mixed messages and could be a stumbling block to other teens. Final answer
I am all for celebrating the life of the baby and helping unwed mothers (I think we are kind of hypocritical as Christians many times to be so radically anti-abortion as we are (myself included) and then when a young girl gets pregnant, not reach out to help her. If Christians are going to value life and pound the pavement against abortion we better be ready to help people who find themselves pregnant and decide to have the baby rather than abort it. (I was born out of wedlock too, btw)
However my personal take on showers is that although I don't feel it's wrong for a church to do showers per se, I think it's unwise unless you plan to do this even when your church is 1,000 people. With larger churches, "church sponsored" showers could get totally out of hand. The reason I say this is because a growing ministry can't possibly keep up with it. In every church I came to as pastor/pastor's wife they were doing showers which were thrown by the women's ministries and this not only sucked a major amount of money out of the WM fund all the time but it required a tremendous amount of work and stress to put it together. I have never personally felt the "call" to the ministry of baby showers (or wedding showers or any kind of shower). And I had a lot of dreams for the women's ministries...that had nothing to do with showers. I quickly began to see that especially in a young growing church showers could consume a women's ministries. So I decided we would not do them as a women's group or as a church, but would simply make our faciility available to whoever wanted to have one.
Our church policy is that while our women's ministries or church does not sponsor showers (for ANYONE - married, unmarried, regardless of circumstances) a member or regular attenders personal friends or family can use our fellowship hall to have the shower. However it is made clear that this is not sponsored by the church, funded by the church, announced by the church, etc. It is up to the friends/family to handle all expenses, invitations, announcements, set up, clean up, etc. We simply provide the room to hold it in.
As co-pastor/pastor's wife my personal policy is that I generally attend showers that I receive invitations for, for our leaders. Those are the only ones I make a priority at this point to go to. Most times I'm away on ministry or involved in another aspect of ministry on the days these are held so it's hard for me to make it. Although I usually only go to showers for the leaders, I do make a point to send a gift to every shower of any member or attender. I generally give this to the host ahead of time to present at the shower and give my personal greetings to the one receiving the shower.
We have had out of wedlock pregnancies and such however the church has never come under fire for having showers or anything like that because although many showers are hosted in our facility, it isn't "the church" hosting them, it's personal individuals. And if someone were to ask, we would just say, "the church didn't host a shower. So and so did..." It's clearly in our policy manual that showers are hosted individually so people know this. We didn't make this policy because of sin or how having showers would look to people, but just for the simple factor of church finances (paying for all of the showers and having this burden on the church is very costly especially in a church with many young families) and it's very time consuming and we didn't want our staff or WM's responsible for this.
However ours is a very accepting and loving church - doing everything from feeding and clothing 100 or more homeless people a weekend to helping people get off of drugs, and giving a gift to an unmarried pregnant woman wouldn't cause anyone to blink an eye - not because they are desensitized to sin somehow,but because they simply want to reach out in love to a person who is obviously in need...
I'm pretty sure my church has the same policy...if, for no other reason that the fact that my PW, who is the head of our women's ministries, is insanely busy without having to plan a shower for every woman in our church who has a baby! Also, we've had dozens of babies born in the year and a half that I've been here, and I haven't seen any announcements about a church-sponsored shower for any of them :o).
Thanks for this discussion, though - it reminded me that I need to go do some baby gift shopping (for a young unwed mom in my church, as a matter of fact...AND for my brother and sister-in-law, who are expecting their first baby in June...what can I say? Any excuse to shop, LOL!!!!)....
JCP here is having a huge sale in the baby department ...I got 12 outfits at $2 a set! We are having a baby boom at church and it's my staple to give leopard print . But I also got 3 piece boy sets in ranger or boy themes.
Lastly, another thing about having a policy in writing is for when the homosexual couples expect a church shower (not too far off). For unweds, our policy has a clause for home showers to be given by a friend or family member and that we support the Christian pregnancy center where other supplies may be obtained. An appeal is sometimes made to the SP's and adjustments may be made case by case. We are not legalists about it. It just depends on all the facts and the circumstances.
Thanks for all the great insights. Blessings as we co-labor in difficult times. We see through a glass dimly but the Holy Spirit will shed light . I appreciate your insights as well. Love you gals!
as a mother of a teenager pregnant out ot wedlock, I must say in the time when they need the support of the local body of believers, I must say sadly people are so quick to judge! I agree with Deanna be loving and give that shower. The baby that is about arrive is not the one that has committed sin, and there is only one jugde and that is Jesus Christ not us. let us rather win this girl over by the love of Christ then condemnation of man.
There's no right or wrong solution to this problem. It takes spiritual discernment case by case. My friend has a son whom she believes is being "trapped" by a girlfriend. The girl is wild and my friend's not even sure it's her son's baby. On top of it, the teen is only weeks pregnant and has registered for a shower already. We can't judge by our own little world or circumstances there's too many variables and factors. There's no "pat" answer.We're not to judge in the flesh...only the spirit based on God's word...and then we'll make right judgments.
God knows which approach is needed for each situation.
Revisiting this because I'm curious what you decided to do
I hold to my original point of view of: "It depends" (case by case). What are church leaders going to do when people whom live the alternate lifestyle and adopt babies , want a church- sponsored shower? Or professing Christians whom "live together" want one? It will go on and on where lines of purity are extremely blurred and people are dong what they think is right in their own eyes not according to a Biblical world-view.
The Corinthians culture was extreme wild living very much like our culture today. However, it seemed worse because there were actual temple prostitutes doing this service as an act of worship to their God and it was affecting the church that Paul originally (Acts 18:1-8) set up. At one point he writes: with such persons (i.e. the list) do not eveneat (1Cor 5:11). Those would be people whom profess Christ, are "professing Christians", however, they continue in habitual sin patterns, without shame & unrepentently. Paul even goes as far to say "mark" people whom are troublemakers, those in habitual sexual immorality,etc. Therefore, there is some judging that is permited. There is a separation that is visible while we live in our culture we are not living like them. We are to reach out to be a witness but not hang around them and I believe having parties in their honor would be a big mistake TO START. This really takes discernment that is why I strongly believe this is a matter of case by case genuine repentance.
I know we don't know eachother. These scriptures really impacted my life as a teen. It helped me to pick the right kind of professing Christian friends whom I have been friends with well over 20 years. At first when I got saved , I hung around anyone who professed Christ but when I saw any of these patterns of sin in their life I felt confused. I asked the missionary who witnessed to me about it and he gave me a tape called: From Whom Do We Separate? (1 Cor 5,6 II Cor. 6:14-20. It was a life changing message for me . Most people consider me a woman of grace and one of the most loving people they have known (so I am told). Yet, I still speak truth and have a biblical world view on cultural issues. I don't let habitual sinners take advantage of my good graces. We are called to love with discernment too.
Do you give every "sad story" that knocks at the church doors exactly what they want? No, anyone in ministry long enough realizes people manipulate and even use us. We , sadly, cannot believe everything we hear even from our congregants. We really need discerning of the spirits, word of knowledge, words of wisdom and clear direction from God's word. Let us know how the input of each lady on here helped or didn't help you decide what to do in the situation that is before you.
I am doing a project for my English 104 class about teen pregnancy. And while this post is several years old it is was I came upon when I search for teen pregnancy in the church. Let me just point out a few things that have come to my attention after reading this entire forum:
It gives me hope to see how many people I read that said to support this young lady, whom I'm sure is actually older than me since I was in jr high in 2008. When I started to look into this I expected find that people in the churches still turned away from the unwed mother, becuase I've seen it happen, but a large majority of you said to embrace and love her, this fills me with so much joy.
Secondly, I feel that if a shower is given to other mothers then there is no reason to turn your back on a mother, even one so young, especially if she has repented. (I am was not born out of wedlock, but my parents were still teens none-the less). Teen pregnancy is a problem, but Post Pardom Depression in teens is an even bigger problem than the pregnancy itself. Girls get pregnant at a young age and suddenly their entire lives change. Their friends don't really stick around, their family is disappointed, often times the father leaves, never should the church congrigation leave them as well. These girls need hope, love, and a hand to hold onto. They need guidence. They need Christ.
I was a little let down by how many times I saw something about others being scared or unknowing of what to do in this kind of situation. As a Christian is the answer not always LOVE? No matter the sin committed, is it not the true answer to love the one who has committed said sin? How is one who is sinning to know the truth of what they do without our love to show them the way? How can we call ourselves workers of the Lord and not do his work? God has called us to care for those who are lost and to bring them back to him, this includes the young mothers, the homosexuals, idiolitures, and the adultures. These people will never know truth if we do not gather the courage to show it to them. No one should ever be afraid of what to do in these situations because the answer is obvious and simple. You are to love, support, and help these people find truth. If your image as a "Christian" can not allow you to handle that, then how are you Christian at all? Why should it matter what the rest of the congrigation sees when they see you speaking with the gay man in the back pew, or the young girl who's in her third trimester, or the one who's left their spouse for another?
Do I think it's okay to sin? No, never. But who here can honestly say they've never sinned? Who can tell me that their have lived a clean life? NO ONE! That is my point. We are all sinners. I was a cutter for almost five years, I've had premarital sex, I've drank under age, and I'm sure that there's much more that I've done wrong. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even a part of the church until high school. We are all sinners, but who can condem one for their sins without considering their own? Again I say, no one. Do not judge one before considering what you can be judged for, and do not try to say there is nothing you could be judged for, because I promise you there is. Let the Holy Trinity handle our judgement, we should only remember to love one another and try to live the best we can.
On a less preach-like note, thank you all so much for unknowingly helping me with my English project. The information I have gathered here has been truly helpful.
. But I also got 3 piece boy sets in ranger or boy themes.
