Hi yall, I am new to this site, and as you can even tell from my typing I am from the south, Alabama to be exact.
My question is I need advice, I have 4 kids. 12, 11, 7, and 6. ( b, g, b, g) My 12 yr old ds is, well to put it bluntly, a walking erection, (more emotionaly than actual physical) and he doesn't know how to handle it, and control his emotions. Of course we don't allow porn in our house, but in this day of porn everywhere, how do I protect him? Any advice?
Thanksgiving to Christmas was SO BUSY for all of us, I believe this was an overlooked post. For starters, I have a 15, 13 and 8 year old. I am facing some of the same issues. My dh and I got radically saved as teens and here are some things that helped us stay pure after we found out that premarital sex is not to be in the Christian's lifestyle:
Firstly,not being alone too much helped (i.e. group dating, Christian activities, friends with the same convictions, etc). Too much time on our hands (alone especially) left open doors to heavy petting. Secondly, the type of entertainment that we were involved in needed adjusted. This was totally a work of the Holy Spirit. We would feel conviction in the movie theaters and actually have to walk out. We would hear very suggestive songs (i.e. Prince, Dazz Band and Modonna, etc.) We felt convicted once we started to really focus on lyrics and the sexually suggestive words. We then started listening to Christian music only. Lastly, I had a tiny body and large bust. The Lord began convicting me on clothes and how suggestive they can be (or lack thereof). All of these changes were a work in progress! Even at Bible college, administration had to walk over to the married couples dorms to tell me I could not sunbathe in a bikini on campus.
Now, I am a parent raising teens with hormones raging. I really try to keep communication mutual and I'm open so they can talk to me about anything. Sometimes they get frustrated by our personal standards and peer pressure gets to them. Nevertheless, we keep our rules and standards: Christian music only, G or PG movies, modesty and privacy is respected in our home (i.e. knock wait for an answer before entering a room), no sexy posters on walls, Dad monitors the TV making them change the station when it gets too seductive and we have a filter on our computer that promises that even the most computer savvy child cannot go around it. There's also a book called Kids Online by Donna Rice Hughes that can help parents whom are not computer savvy. Lastly, there's a series of books that I have not done called: EVERY YOUNG MANS BATTLE that is supposed to deal with the issue at hand. Hope this helps. Bless you for caring and being intuitive!
Hey TwoAsOne, this is great advice. So far I have 3 boys who are only 1, 3, and 4 years old. I am learning all that I can from seasoned moms on how to deal with them.
The most important thing that I have heard is to always keep open communication with them.
I like those other tips you gave.
Did you ever participate in extracurricular activities at school? I know some parents who get soooo spiritual that their kids can not do anything fun. I want to be sure that I am not that legalistic with them, but keep the proper balance.
I too have not dealt with this yet. My boys are 4, 5 and 7 and have one little girl 4. I have dealt with little boy issues from when they realize that things change when they touch themselves. Sometimes I am just at a lost on how to deal with stuff like that. TwoasONe had some great advice! I think communication is a huge deal with pre teens and teens in general. You have to be willing to listen not just talk. That is something I am learning in all avenues of life.
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Thanks ladies. I'm not the expert! But people often comment on how open my boys are with me. I do try to make them feel like we could discuss any issue.
On another note: Be careful who they spend the night with. Try to find out from the parents if there's a lights out time as opposed to the parents falling asleep and kids are up doing "whatever". Try to find out if they have a filter for www or if the parent take the mouse or keyboard to their room. Honestly, I have had friends who had no idea their small child or pre-teen was seeing porn until it was too late. With these type of things, we have to be proactive. It is a big help if you're computer savvy!
To answer First Lady: I am one Mama that puts lots of focus on fun and giving my kids a fun childhood. I totally agree with sports, music ability, etc. based on each child's individual bent! I had one son that's a total jock and the other into technology. Both, do them with excellence! Recently, they both have had an interest in skateboarding - which has given them something in common again (not usually that many girls there). So far!
. So far!
