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Post Info TOPIC: Trouble working with another ministry
LW


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Posts: 178
Date:
Trouble working with another ministry


Hi Ladies, it's like this....sorry, it's wordy.This all happened over several years.


A church about 20 minutes from here has a food pantry and clothing bank.  It is run by a couple, let's call them "Bill" and "Barb".  Bill and Barb each have about a 6th grade education, I am not judging or being mean spirited, but this is an important detail for you to know.  They were unable to get jobs when they moved here, so this church put them in charge of these 2 ministries. They also have NO SOCIAL SKILLS!...as you will see.


The clothing closet used to be in the church basement, unsupervised, and not regulated. It's hours were the same as the church's. And you were just welcome to go in and help yourself. Our homeschool group used to meet there, so I would take a few things, and have my kids help to tidy it up before we left, out of respect, not just so that we could be recognized for doing it.(some people left it a little messy, but not too bad) We also would volunteer alot of time in the donation building.


After a while, the church moved this ministry to an out building, and rules were posted as to how much you can take and how often, and where to leave the empty hangers.....not a problem. I would visit there occasionally, but I would also take ladies there who needed help through my ministry, and Bill and Barb knew that I would stay and help clean up, and my ladies knew to obey the rules......Now we come to the sticky parts!


Over time, Bill and Barb grew increasingly hostile towards me, I am not sure why.  I went to the food side to ask a question of Bill and Barb about the clothing side...In the food side, they often have donated old toys and books(some from us), as we talked, the kids, my sick one included, looked through some things and asked to have something, I said.."sure".  Barb said, "NO!, those are for people getting bags of food!Put that down!", she shouted.  Since I did not need food, it would have been dishonest to accept it, just so the little ones could choose a stuffed toy. I was angry at them, and D.J. cried all the way home. Her mental capacity does not match her age. I expressed to Barb that her reaction was unessesary, and we left on somewhat cordial terms.


I was also there once to see Bill yell at a 3 year old for sitting where his Mommy told him to sit. Bill shouted" I run this place, not your Mommy, and I said move, NOW!" He cried and his mother took him and left, I never saw her again.  He then asked me if the empty hanger on the floor was from us, I said, "No Bill, But I will be glad to put it away.", He said, "if you can't follow the rules, I will cut you off from here, end of story, understand?".


Several weeks later, I was passing by on an errand, and I had donations for the clothing ministry to drop off. (I donate alot more than I take) Bill and Barb were outside telling the man delivering the new shed where to put it.  Barb approached my car and began yelling at me in front of my kids about how the hours were changed and when I got my food bag, I was given a sheet that explained it.  I fired back that I do not hardly ever visit the food side, I am in ministry, not a client, and I only rarely use the clothing ministry in the first place. I also said I was here to donate some very nice, expensive clothes and where should I leave them? She told me she will not take any donations today, only on the days they are open to clients,(she knew where I lived, and the gas and time that would be wasted) and to turn around, and pull out of the way!


Needless to say, I donated to the Goodwill that day.


Now, I went to the junior pastor, and explained everything here, and gave him a letter stating my concern for our ministries abilities to work in harmony together. I told him that I do use the clothing ministry myself some, but it's because we have spent so much of our own money on our ministry trying to help others.  I told him that I felt Bill and Barb are responding, in my opinion, to power hunger, and I was very worried about how I had seen them treat people who truley are not "working the system.". About  how as Christians, we need to treat people who come to us kindly, especially when they are not taking advantage and are being always respectful to us.


I never got a response....I just went back not long ago and found that instead of addressing the 2 people and thier obvious lack of ability to work with people, they gave them even more power.  Now, Barb sits at a desk in the tiny clothing room and watches every move you make. Bill stands in the other end. I tried to put my things on the floor, and Barb shouted at me not to. She said "bad arms or not, hold it or lose it!". I asked if I could place them on an empty table nearby, she said, "That is NOT what it is there for...well just this once but do not ask me again!" I did not, I held them as best I could.Then, you must suffer the indignity of her counting everything you take and bagging it for you, then demanding to see MY I.D. so that I do not cheat the church, then have them explain to us that if we are caught selling these things in a yard sale, they will tell the Pastor!!What??? I reminded them that I have given much more to that ministry than we have ever taken away, and that we have spent long hours volunteering in that church's clothing ministry before they got there! Sorry, but I was pretty mad! That was really insutling!


(The donation building is a large family home, 3 floors and so full you cannot even turn around. There is no shortage.)


Should I go the Pastor, should I assume this behavior is OK with him? Will he be mad if I come again? Would you be? Our ministry needs their ministry, and we need to be able to work together.


Am I angry over nothing? What would you do? HELP! love you guys, lw



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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2


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Posts: 709
Date:

First of all, make an appointment with the senior pastor.  Document every incident that you have had with these people (use dates and times if at all possible!).  Reprimanding people like that is like training a puppy.  You can't just say, "You were rude.  Stop it," because they just don't get it!


Our theatre company had a situation like that a couple of years ago.  We rented a space, and the two janitors (who also managed the space after hours) were absolutely unbearable!  They would come and yell at us over everything.  There was one day in particular - our final dress/tech rehearsal, no less - when they came up and started yelling at us about not being out of the space at 10:00 sharp.  It was, like, 10:10, and we were obviously hurrying to try and clear the stage and get out of there.  I was the production manager, so they came up and targeted me.  I just ignored them and worked on getting props put away, etc., but they kept badgering me about how 'our contract said 10:00 and we needed to learn to read,' etc.  I finally turned and said calmly, "Look, sir, we're doing the best we can.  And the longer I stand here talking to you about it, the longer it will be before we get out of here."  I think they were absolutely astounded that a woman would talk to them that way, and they just walked away. 


Anyway, we documented all of our incidents with these guys and brought it to their supervisor at the end.  She said they had been hearing lots of complaints about these guys and their rudeness, and the fact that we documented specifics really helped in their "case" to get rid of them and hire someone more suited to that job.


The senior pastor of this church definitely needs to be made aware.  If this is a ministry/outreach of the church, then their attitude is affecting how unsaved people see the church, and ultimately, Jesus. 



__________________


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Posts: 1000
Date:

I agree...document it and go to the senior pastor. He definitely needs to be made aware and just because you told the associate doesn't mean the Sr. Pastor will hear about it.

Hope this helps...

Love ya,
Deanna

__________________

Co-Pastor, Celebration Church of Tampa

LW


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Posts: 178
Date:

Thanks a bunch ladies,  when we get back from our Christmas Missions trip to Florida,  I will get some time with him.  I do not have dates, but it was all included in the first letter to him.  I think I have a copy.( an approx. timeline of events)  I hope I can get this all cleared up. Love, Lori

__________________
...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
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