I have just joined this group and have not introduced myself yet and I am not sure this is the place but here I am. I am a SAHM PW with 4 children; (7, 5 & twin 3yr olds), the 5yr has special needs (sensory processing disorder and although not diagnosed w/ autism borders it). I am never in service at our church. I do participate during worship, a few services a month by never hear the message. My DH, Sean, and I pastor a small country church in southern IL. It has about 25-30 (including the children and our family). He is bivocational, this is the first senior pastor postition that he has held. He has previously been on staff in other churches and was also a Chi Alpha Pastor (college home missions through A/G). I am in charge of the children's ministry. No one else will do it, we moved here a year ago this Dec. and there was no outreach to children other than SS. I do love working with the kids don't get me wrong and I will serve in any manner needed. But this is not how I envisioned ministring with my Hubby. I have always been by his side during Sunday services and working with kids on Wed. I believed and still do believe that I am needed in the service to pray with/for those that come to the alter. The situation with our church board is not the best. We have no family or friends here outside the ministry. Don't get me wrong its a good church and has tons of potential. We see it and have a huge vision for what God can do with it, the people do not and are close minded when it comes to big visions! I am completely discouraged. As is my husband. We have tried for a year to get others involved helping with Children's Church as well as a midweek group for the kids. I have 15-20 kids which has grown from 5 and that included mine. But no helpers! No teens in the church to help as well. Because we barely have attenders on Wed night and no children but our own I decided to start "Adventure Kids" on Sunday nights. Again I do it all. Not that I want to, honestly, we ask and sometimes I feel like I am begging for helpers...never to get them. I need guidance and direction! I have never been a "senior" pastors wife. Nothing was ever expected of me when my dh was on staff at the other churches but I served along side him, ministered in Children's ministry and the nursery( I believe one of the most important areas of the church) and stood in the gap for our pastor and his wife. I know the previous PW was not involved at all with any type of ministry... Sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of. Honestly the attitude from people seems to be "we don't care if you do or don't do it." If it doesn't effect them personally it doesn't matter to them but they want the church to grow ...granted the majority of the church is 65 or older! We have 3 families with children, ours being one of them. Then we have kids who come without their parents as well. Also earlier this summer (Aug) I injured my knee. According to the doc and the MRI I dislocated my knee cap but it went back in place on its own. It's not exactly in the correct place right now. I have been in PT for a few weeks and due to insurance am not longer able to go but am still continuing to do the exercises. I go back to the doc the week after Thanksgiving. I have been on crutches for 12 weeks still in pain. (YES I am still doing everything alone with children's ministry). The PT feels I will probably need surgery to find out exactly what is going on. I need God to step in and heal it! I know He can and I also know sometimes He uses doctors. I believe "By His strips I am healed!" I am a huge believer in prayer and I know regardless what the doctor says, God is working this situation for my good! Please pray for guidance, direction, healing and rest!
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
Wow, you sure have a lot on your shoulders huh? I totally understand! My husband and I pastored a small PFWB church in North Carolina. We had around 80 people, lived in the parsonage, and was there Sunday Morning, Sunday Night, Wednesday night. Sunday school, vbs, etc. We took on ths church right after we got married! This was the first time I became "Senior Pastor's Wife". They always asked to me sing, play the panio, lead worship, head up women's ministry etc. Half of which I cannot do! That being panio playing and singing specials! Yikes! I felt like I lost myself in everyone else's expectations for a while until God zapped me one morning and told me to be who He created me to be. Did I get to preach? No..they would not accept that. I did get to teach an adult Sunday school etc. They expected us to grow the church ourselves as they watched from the pews. A young vibrant couple can do anything! Well, maybe one thing, but not everything. The people in our congergation were mostly widowed women over the age of of 75. They ran the women's ministry and constantly did things behind our backs. We came to church on Sunday night and found that they had set up a "singing" with a group from out of town and had not even asked us! They did ask the deacon board, so that was okay. The deacons called us their"grandchildren" instead of their Senior Pastors and did not respect what we asked, said, or preached. We were there only one year, then God took us a totally different direction! I did children's ministry even when I did not want to.......God honored it at the end by zapping an older woman to switch off Sundays with me.
In the end, I was able to help my husband during the morning service and saw some small, but great changes. We also met anothe couple to whom we are now their spiritual parents.....(a whole other story to that). Since then, that church has gone through 3 more pastors-each facing the same heartache we went through.
So what encouragement can a person find in this??? This is what I learned..
1. God honored my heart, prayers, and vision. 2. What trips me up, should trip me foward. 3. I either let the atmosphere define me or I define my atmosphere. 4. Struggle brings birth, but one has to "position" onself for such. 5. Despite the expectatioin of others, what really matters is that you honor God and your husband and do your best with what He has given to you in this season. 6. Learn all you can during your testing times, that way you pass and can go onto a new season. 7. In all you do, do it unto God and not unto man. All the while knowing that He is always preparing us for a greater season in our life.
I belive God will heal you, take away your stress, pain, confusion and heartache. Even though you are far from family and friends, you are never far from God. Suggestion: Tell you husband you need some "God Time", have him watch the kids...drive to a park, etc. And pour your heart out to Him, either through prayers, journaling, or just sitting in His presence. It sounds like to me that you have not had some R&R for youself in a long time. If momma is not happy, neither is the church or your family! I have learned this for myself! And if he cannot watch them or take them out...MAKE YOURSELF have some time...whether it be when they are asleep or watching a movie, etc.
Your heart is in the right place. Only "give up" to your heavenly daddy! An Eagle has to go through the strom to fly above it, and when he does, the storm is what gives him the strenth to soar!!
I would love to talk to you some more sometime! Check out your "private message" system.
Welcome to the boards smkelly!!! I'm not sure if you can do it, but you should try going back & reading some of my posts. I'm sure I've had many that are almost word for word as yours, except for your knee (I'll be praying for your healing.) My husband is also an A/G minister with the same size church, just in Florida. We have 3 children 10, 6, & 3. I also work full-time outside the home. I've gone through all of the emotions, heartaches, etc. that you described. In fact, I still do.
The one thing that I have learned to do is do what you feel the Lord telling you to do, not what people in the church expect you to do. I've learned to say "no." I've learned that I cannot do everything, including all of the children's programs. I had to do this for my own sanity. Just because there is no one willing to step up to the plate does NOT mean that you have to do it. We stopped our children's programs on Wednesday nights because of lack of help. I stopped doing Kids Church on Sunday mornings b/c of lack of help. After about 3 months without Kids Church, I went before the church & asked for 3 two person teams, plus one extra person to be on my team, who would be willing to rotate as teachers for Kids Church. I got my volunteers.
There's probably a lot more I can say, but I've got to get back to work. Do know that I'll be praying for you. I can truly empathize with you. I've made it through the last 2 plus years b/c of my friends on this board & yes, the ladies are truly my friends. Do feel free to p.m. me. And remember, you're not going through this alone.
Thank you both for your encouraging words. I have mentioned not doing Adventure Kids and have asked for volunteers to step up and let me have a break starting in Jan. I am giving them till then to do something. If no one steps up then I will be stopping Adventure Kids for a while. I can not stop Kids Church. I have 4 kids that need it, they do not do well in the main service and I can not control them by myself right now with my knee problem. Another reason I need healing! I can barely keep up with my kids! Thankfully when Sean is home he is a trooper and really does more than his share of helping me with the house chores as well as the kids.
Thanks again for your encouraging words! Melissa
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"How can I keep from Praising Your Name, How can I ever say enough, How amazing is Your Love!"
We're glad you're here. Sounds like youa re going through it! Part of my ministry is to women who are involved in ministry. I'll begin to pray for you.
You'll find this group always encouraging. One of us has been through what you are experiencing and can give direction along with prayer support.
As is my husband. We have tried for a year to get others involved helping with Children's Church as well as a midweek group for the kids. I have 15-20 kids which has grown 
from 5 and that included mine. But no helpers! No teens in the church to help as well. Because we barely have attenders on Wed night and no children but our own I decided to start "Adventure Kids" on Sunday nights. Again I do it all. Not that I want to, honestly, we ask and sometimes I feel like I am begging for helpers...never to get them. I need guidance and direction! I have never been a "senior" pastors wife. Nothing was ever expected of me when my dh was on staff at the other churches but I served along side him, ministered in Children's ministry and the nursery( I believe one of the most important areas of the church) and stood in the gap for our pastor and his wife. I know the previous PW was not involved at all with any type of ministry... Sometimes I feel like I am being taken advantage of. Honestly the attitude from people seems to be "we don't care if you do or don't do it." If it doesn't effect them personally it doesn't matter to them but they want the church to grow 
...granted the majority of the church is 65 or older! We have 3 families with children, ours being one of them. Then we have kids who come without their parents as well.
