Hi ladies. It has been quite a while since I have logged in and shared a post. I have been reading just not posting. To brief evryone on where things are with me, our girls are now 10, 5 1/2 and 9 months. Our church plant is 8 months old. We started with five adults and that many kids or more. We at one point had forty people in our home. One by one, for this reason or that, we started losing people. We had a great desire for our neighbors and newly made friends to join us. They are "prime material" in that they were good solid couple with kids and good jobs. Sounds carnal but just a fact. They didne seem to have too many issues. But they had been hurt in a church and were not in any hurry to get involved. Well, over time we developed a friendship and they are helping us though they let us know verbally all the time they are not making a commitment. For one: that is starting to hurt our feelings. Don't need reminded on a constant basis that you may leave too. "Just dont know if this church is for them or not" I would almost rather they leave now rather than later. But that isnt this purpose for this post. The real reason is:
We are really really really suffering financially. I choose not to work because daycare expense would cancel out. Already did the math. Its just one of those situations where I am not worth enough to justify it. Sounds horrible but its just the facts.
We are spent emotionally and physically mentally. Any which way. We have never planted before. Dh was a staff assistant pastor. We moved to AR to pastor. That deal got taken away before we even got started. For a whole year we attended a church of our friends and just was "normal". Dh traveled out and preached a few weekends a month. But that got old cause it wasnt including the whole family. So...
Another neighbor of ours that we new first (before this previously mentioned couple) with tears asked us to plant a church. Had no church home. Totally unchurched. What were we to do? We thought about it and say hey why not. We didnt know how to do it. But our non denominational fellowship had several succesful planters in it so we knew we had allies.
Fast forward through the people coming and the people going. Here were are in a building (rented community center) that we didnt want to move into but people were going to leave if we didnt. We (literally dh and I and our kids) haul in everything, set it up, and sing, preach teach ss) the whole shooting match. I have 8 kids at the most. DH preaches to 7 when everyone is there. And now you see why it hurts that we know one of those couples (that claim to be our best friends) say "it may not be for them" and you know. It doesnt feel like it is for us either!!! lol
Its getting harder and harder to put one foot in front of the other with this. We finally faced the music that we NEED to be earning our income in minstry. Dh is at roads end with being bivocational. We (please forgive the upcoming self pity) feel like absolute losers. We only hear what we arent doing and what we dont have. Our church doesnt even own a projector for our words because it uses almost all the tithes to pay our rent (board insist on it and syas to not feel bad about it but we do as bad as we hate it we NEED them to keep doind this til first of the year). So when you feel like a loser at work becuase you cant focus on work and you feel like a loser at church work cause you dont have the time to invest in preparation (dh works 50hrs a week. and shaving any off that is impossible) so its a recipe for feeling like a COMPLETE LOSER.
And it breaks my heart for him. Its not fair. So we put in a resume at a church here in town that needs a pastor (they have about 300+) growing church but no pastor. They are looking at his resume but have not called him in to preach a service yet. I was nervous about this scenario at first (going into the fish bowl you know) but I am just ready for a change. Something has got to give for us. We are near burn out mode with the way we are doing it. Dh says maybe God had us do this so we would appreciate a "typical" church situation. And I can see where he may be right there, though we are not niave and know it brings its own set of problems.
Our few people are going to go there with us if that is what opens up to us. Her eis where I am. I am ready for it to open up YESTERDAY! I am fighting hopelessness with every passing week of trugging on with this plant. With no people to help and no building to "belong" in we have odds against us. With no building there is no people coming. So we just feel like its doomed to fail. Its just a matter of time. If this church tells us no (we did hear from inside source they are looking at us and another one or two though we seem to be best fit) it still isnt for sure and they are for sure in no hurry. What is wrong with us? ARE we complete losers?
We need some prayer for direction. We want the will of God. We need peace in our hearts and minds. It is a constant battle to keep satans fiery darts away from our minds. We feel like we are delaying the inevitable with our plant. We are losing heart by the week. This other church seems like our only option. If it isnt we are looking at another move ... looking for a church job somewhere besides here. And I love it here. My kids love it here. Is there a place for us? Is there a church home where we can be loved and belong to? Not leaving every week like absolute losers. Where our kids can see their mom and dad growing and succeeding not asking every few weeks why another family isnt coming to our church anymore.
Yep. Planting isnt for cowards. And I tell dh all the time. We sure picked a hard thing to jump back into after our last church hurt. We just HAD to pick the thing that has a 80 % failure rate. We feel so stupid and uncapable. Yet we are hanging on to this hope that maybe its just these surroundings and circumstances and it isnt US.
Please keep us in your prayers. Cassandra
Ps any private email advice is welcome too if you dont want to post it.
Cassandra, I am so praying for you girl. We planted a church 9 years ago, and the Lord knows it has not been easy for us. We started with 5 adults and 3 children. We are still less than 50 members. But, we have seen so much growth in our leaders. They are being equipped. There has been many days we have wanted to pack up and move, but we always keep the Word of the Lord before us...the one that He spoke to us. we try not to be move by circumstances or how it looks. But, sometimes, honestly, we are. We are still human. We still question God, WHY? Why aren't we growing, and increasing like WE think we should be.
You are right about it. Church planting is not for wimps. There have been many days I have even thought about packing up and leaving with my children, but I am staying to fulfill the will of God.
Honey, I am praying for you. You all just always pray for direction, and to know the will of God. He knows exactly what you are going through.
You are right in that church planting is not for wimps. Dh and I planted a church 2 years ago. We started with one person and her son. We now have six families and several who visit regularly. We often feel like we should have more, but we see how much growth has taken place. We are truly producing disciples and not just church members. THese people were unchurched, but now some and others will soon be able to disciple the next group of families that God sends us.
I think that the most important thing to keep in mind is God's will. Where God gives a vision, he gives the provision and the grace to carry it out. I know that things can be tight and walking by faith is a must, but God will provide if we stay in His will. Pray and seek God's will for your life and ministry. Make sure that you hear from Him and don't step out on your own.
I will be praying for you. I must echo what Deanna said. I love and support you. I hope that you will continue to come here and feel free to vent as needed. We are here to support you.
Oh Wow! I read your post eagerly as I'm set to begin a home Bible study the first week in November and hope to see it grow into a church.
The town is old, old and after recent revitalizing of the downtown it has begun to grow. (It's amazing what a Dollar Store and an upscale gas station/minimart can do for a community.) Anyway, the town has no Pentecostal church and every time I drive through, I have this tug to start a work. So, here I go. (My husband isn't a minister, but is super supportive and gifted in helps. He's always right with me in ministry.)
We'll continue at our home church where I'm worship leader and womens ministry director. DH handles sound and events for our home church. He's a great organizer and shows a lot of enthusiasm when he's promoting events like Bluegrass Gospel, or Concerts.
So....you're situation really hit me. Now I'm wondering if I'm a wimp? LOL
DH and I believe we are doing the right thing by starting the home study. In November, I plan to teach on praise and thanksgiving in a fresh way for most of these people. Only 4 people have committed to attend so far, but a press release will run next week, and we're putting posters up.
Guess, after reading your post, my heart is going pit-pat-pit-pat. The need is so great in that community.
