I want to get some conversation started on this co-pastoring forum because it's the topic people have asked me about most, although most of the questions have been on the general forum I thought co-pastoring deserved it's very own. So here we are.
I want to ask those of you who serve in the co-pastor role...what is the biggest lesson you have learned so far?
As for me, it's so hard to pick just ONE!
I'll think about mine and come back to post but I want to hear from some of you first...so tell me...
As a staff pastor whose husband is a 100%, equal partner in the ministry (even though he's not credentialed...yet, lol!!), I have learned and am still learning...USE EACH OTHER'S GiFTS!!
Don't let your gender or others' expectations based on the past define what your roles are going to be in your ministry.
Example: It was assumed when I arrived that I would be primarily responsible for running Christmas play rehearsals - because the wife of the last CP was the one who ran them before - I guess that was thought of as a "female" domain. However, athough I've got my theatre degree, I have ZERO experience or knowledge of how to teach people to sing. My husband, however, also has a degree in theatre, AND has been in several choirs and directed music - teaching kids and adults how to make a melodious sound come out of their mouth. He's also got more directing experience than I do, and is definitely the obvious choice for that task.
Also...when you are a husband and wife working together in whatever capacity (my DH and I have ministered together, done theatre together, and even worked at Karmelkorn together - the last one was while we were still dating!), treat each other respectfully and professionally when you're "on the job," but it IS okay to smooch a little bit, lol! - otherwise people are not going to know you're married (true story!). As I learned at a camp I worked at in college: A dating couple engaged in PDA is a distraction to what God is doing in the kids' lives; a married couple engaged in minor PDA (holding hands, a goodnight peck, etc.) is setting a healthy example!
I have learned so much, and I have mainly learned from you gals, because I had no example before me.
The most life changing lesson I have learned is that I am the "lady" of the house. I have learned not to sit back, but step up to my role as spiritual mother in our local house of God.
See, by nature I am very shy, and I am okay in the shadows, even of other strong women. I have begun to see my worth and how my spiritual daughters expect for me to step in that role. They actually pull at the anointing that is on my life for them(not everyone, but those who are really daughters). Early on, I could not even realize this, b/c of my lack of confidence and low-self worth.
Thank you all for helping me become, although there are still areas that are becoming that leading lady I am supposed to be.
I've learned that it's a unique calling that not every PW has and some women cannot embrace it for various reasons. Therefore, one really has to get their gifts/calling in line with what God wants because "people" may not always receive it in the spirit in which you would like. You are set apart and a woman of stature. Some do not like that! Nevertheless, God will literally surround you with people who will hold you up in the place that HE has for you!
Since we've been involved in ministry for many years, we've learned that I'm the preacher and stand in that in the pulpit. He's the pray-er and soul-winner. He stands in his gifts as well.
Though gifted differently, we work together in and out of church.
The biggest lesson that I have learned about SP co-pastoring:
When you meet with the pulpit committee, these things need to be talked about in detail to be sure you are likeminded. If you find you are, when you move and get settled in, definately start out from the beginning "modeling" teamwork. Have your business cards, letter head, and brochures reflect the copastorate. Make sure you are visible and provide a visual of what this "looks like". If you don't start out like this from the start and instead you "evolve", things will be tougher for you. If you have a speaking gift, use it regularly and often. Beware of "instant friendships" ; be loving to all but discerning until God shows you who is assigned to your life to be a loyal friend. Make sure they embrace your call and have the characteristics of a true friend first.
If possible, bring your kids to work or secure safe childcare. This wasn't possible for me due to how close in age my sons are and their activity level. It made things more challenging with no family or friends here. Then staffers would often "copy" and all the kids/spouses would hinder work production. It was best I stayed home. Nevertheless, it made things more difficult on me stepping into a visible position later in the co-pastorate...even with staff pastors. This is just my practical helps to thrive in the ministry together. Lastly, decide what you want to be called (i.e. Title, Sis...) because starting out that way sets a precedence. My personal opinion is that people should not just call you by your first name especially when you copastor.
