Hello everyone out there ! I have a little dilemma, and i hope that you all can give me some insight and speak some words of life and encouragement to me. I asked my pastor for a recommendation to seminary school. He seemed excited and told me that he will complete the form. He asked me for my resume, application essay, and application - All of which i supplied to him. He spoke to me on a weekly basis and inquired into my personal life - he wanted to know if i was seeing anyone, and if i had any children. Then he told me that the ministry needsme and he wants me to stick around. Then when i asked him about the recommendation he told me that we had to get together to talk or to email him to remind him again. This went on for 6wks. Then i finally gave up, and asked someone else who gave me the recommendation on the spot. I was accepted for this fall and was so excited that i told him. He told me that he knew that i would be accepted. He also told me that he wanted us to get together so that he can go over my classes with me. This pastor is single, and i'm wondering now is he flirting with me? does he have interest in me? Are his intentions pure towards me? or am i just crazy! I don't like these type of games! i am upset because seminary is important to me and if that other person had not given me the recommendation, i would not have been accepted for this semester. I have on more than one occasion seen him looking at me and when i look back at him he averts his eyes into the other direction. What is this?
Let me be sure I am clear - you are single and he is single???
That being said you have two real questions that you are asking - one of which I think you have answered - Is my pastor interested in me and the real question of the day - Am I interested in my pastor?
Pretty much I think we are clear that your pastor is interested in you. Now the whole back and forth thing leads me to believe that your pastor is young... He has probably spent the better part of those six weeks trying to find an "in"... Hence I assume him to be inexperienced with the dating arena... Okay let me (since I am unusually giddy) break down every thing I caught in your post...
Your pastor was excited that you are a person who is interested in ministry - because that is the type of woman he has been praying for. Having this information gives him a clearer sense of who you are and where you have been, the essay will explain your heart for ministry to him, and the other information gives him access to contact you... He seemed excited and told me that he will complete the form. He asked me for my resume, application essay, and application.
However that information did not tell him what he really needed to know so - He spoke to me on a weekly basis and inquired into my personal life - he wanted to know if i was seeing anyone, and if i had any children.
He tried to tell you that he was interested in you, but you either ignored or did not hear the cue... Then he told me that the ministry needs me and he wants me to stick around. Then when i asked him about the recommendation he told me that we had to get together to talk or to email him to remind him again. This went on for 6wks.
Cue #2 - don't blink or you will miss it... He wants to be involved in your spiritual growth... He knew that you would succeed because he is praying for your success... I was accepted for this fall and was so excited that i told him. He told me that he knew that i would be accepted. He also told me that he wanted us to get together so that he can go over my classes with me.
So beloved, the question is are you interested? I realize that this is the 21st Century and so I am of the BSC (Bold Soul Committee), I would ask him are you flirting with me pastor? Of course I would only do that if I was interested in being flirted with... By virtue of your posting on the Pastoring Partners website, I think there is some interest there, but it could be the vacation talking...
Thank you so much for your honesty. You hit the nail right on the head.Your Cue# 2/ I got it Yes, he does show interest in my spiritual groweth because sometimes after his or someone else's sermon he asks -"how was that for you?" or "was there anything that spoke to you?" or he would ask me deep thought provoking questions and he would say - "i want to help you work on this or that," or I'm going to review that in bible study.
Your Cue # 1 I do believe the interest is mutualI guess i've been somewhat in denial about my own feelings. Recently, we shared a "christian hug" that turned into us just standing there and holding each other. And we both enjoyed it. Then after the fact i felt somewhat nervous. And now, he has pulled back a little and this makes me very happy because it shows me that he can exercise self control and wants to honor God in every aspect. I am just loving the beauty of this as it unfolds, and I am remaining more focused on God than ever before.
Thank you so much Sis Flow for your response. You have definitely shed some light on it for me. I especially liked how you "broke it down" for me. I needed that!
The pastor usually tells me to email him if i want to talk, or so he can keep informed about whats going on with me. I don't email him often at all because i don't think its necessary for me to do that. In my last email i told him that i am focused on God and i am submitting myself to God in all things. I also told him that just as soon as i've reaffirmed my committment to God, i am getting job offers for jobs that i have always wanted. Howerver, these jobs will interfere with my service at church, so i am refusing to take these jobs. I told him that i believe that these are tests to see how committed i am to God. I also told him that my spiritual thirst drives me to seek God more. So tell me now WHY on Sunday to my surprise, the Pastors mentor preaches about spiritual thirst andsubmitting to GOD - using direct words from my email to him and she also said "instead of contacting the pastor because you have acrush on him you need to go to God." I was astonished - like what is she talking about? What did he tell her to warrent her making such a statement from the pulpit? Does this seem like he has painted a picture to his mentor like this woman has a crush on me? or is this his mentors opinion on whatever they discussed? Why was i even a topic for discussion with his mentor? I am upsetbecause he is the one that comes to me, and verbally asks me to contact him. I believe his Mentor was referring to me because she used direct quotes from my email.
Let me ask a few questions...So the mentor (a woman older than the pastor) used direct qoutes from your e-mail message and spoke about it from the pulpit? Does this mentor work at the church? Is she over him in the denomination in any sort of way??
I am just asking because I know a friend of mine who is a Senior pastor has his sectretary read all his e-mail for him and then lets him know who said what. Another thing might be is that your pastor looks up to this woman more than a mentor, maybe an older sister or mom? How much older is this mentor? I also find it weird that a woman is mentoring him and is somehow finding out some very personal issues she should know nothing about. I guess for me, I would think that your pastor would have a male mentor to speak into his life, or even a couple for that matter. Either way it looks like his mentor is upset about this situation and lashed out at you from the pulpit. Which by the way, is the number one NO-NO in preaching! You should never take perosnal issues to the pulpit or use it in any way to get revenge, let out anger or respond to a person's personal matters. She was not a true stewart of the pulpit concerning this and this worries me that she would do so and is your pastor's metor. If they are really concerned about this they and more importantly your pastor will speak to you about it when no one else is around. Pray and ask the Lord to give him and you the oppertunity to speak about this matter at the right time and place. If you feel odd about doing this at a church, ask to met for coffee in a public setting, yet where you feel comfy to be open.
Okay I too am a little concerned about the woman being his mentor - but few things surprise me... I would however assume that he sees her as a spiritual mother and probably was talking to her in a "familiar" way because he thinks (WRONG) that he can tell her anything. The problem seems to be that she is not ready for him to have a relationship outside of the maternal one that she has... That being said your e-mail said that your goal was to be closer to God to redevelop your thirst for Him and that your dedication to the Lord has forced you to decline offers for employment... Now unless I missed something major you did not express a crush, so either she is operating in the pathetic I mean prophetic or she is expressing her own issues...
What is more important to me is what did HE say? Have you talked to him about your concerns? Did you share with him that you felt that a personal message that you sent to him was broadcasted and you were made uncomfortable?
Meanwhile back at the ranch... Realize that you requested a deeper thirst, which means that you are asking for desert conditions. You develop thirst when there is barrenness and a lack of water. You are not thirsty at a full fountain. Perhaps this is indeed the answer to your request. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory
Your words speak to my heart. I have decided to leave the matter at the alter! Through prayer God will show himself mighty and strong!
Yes, you are right - he does seem to regard his older female mentor as a "mother." His mentor often uses the pulpit to speak to the women of the church - "you female ho's leave the married men alone" etc. It is offensive because not every sister in the church falls into that category. Also when she addresses the women of the church in that way, it gives the assumption that the men of the church are innocent. It also suggests that her words may be influenced by her past experiences. It shows her bitterness towards younger women. And i reiterate, I never approached him, he approached me. My contemplative is he initiated, and then chose to hide behind his mentor when he couldn't deal with his feelings towards me, or was this all a game just to boosthis ego for him to see if he could get the attention of a woman like me? Either way now the matter is in the lords hands now. And to answer your question - No i did not speak to him about anything because he is not stupid. Also, when refer to thirst i am talking about just wanting to know more and more about jesus. I've often heard people say that it takes a long time to finish reading the entire bible. When i talk about thirst ai am talking about my enjoyment of bible discussions, explainations, etc which just gets my juices flowing and wanting to go on further.
God is my strong tower - remember me in your prayers! Be blessed.
I pray all is going well with you and you're able to concentrate on your studies. Lord you wish folk would be straight and spit out their intentions. The dating dance can be frustsrating to say the least!
You are on the right track! God knows who He has for you! And whoever that person is will come to you with confidence in himself and persue you the right way. Stay focused on God and He will direct your path! You are in my prayers. Men are silly sometimes, but a real man will approch you when it is time!
Update! There is now a backlash. Now that minister has started a gossip mill in the church. He has been telling other ministers that i am a "seductress." I am so upset because i never made any advances to him, i never even approached him, or flirted with him. He came to me, and he was seeking me out by trying to find out who i am/ personal business etc etc. I am upset because i don't dress provocatively at anytime home or at church. I am upset because he is painting an ugly picture.
He had/has interest in me, and maybe i didn't do what he wanted whatever that may be, i don't know, or maybe i didn't pickup on his cues of persuit. But what i do know is that instead of just letting go and moving on, he is trying his darnest to create an environment in the church to make me feel uncomfortable and hopefully leave the church. This is horrible because he is a minister and he shouldn't be trying to drive anyone out of church. I didn't go there to find a man! I went to church to fellowship and worship God! What makes me even more upset is his mentor is not aware of this, and he knows that she will not believe anything of the sort and will defend his innocence. Ithink he is very much aware of this and is using this to his advantage.Could he have started that rumor about me to cover or validate any ungodly intentions he may have towardsme?Or could it be a case of since i can't eat this cookie then i don't want anyone else to have this cookie? When he sees me at church, he looks at me almost with some sort aggression now. I approached him to speak to him directly about all of this and he told me to make an appointment, and he never responded. Then he went on the pulpit and preached about someone having an assignment to distract him - dangling in front of me like a carrot - "God knows what i like and satan knows what i like and hmmm - i have to stay on my path-it is important to know the difference between lust and love." And then he looks at me in the eyes. It's so crazy because i haven't done anything suggestive etc. So i am thinking that i should stop going to his meetings?
I am praying for deliverance from this dark cloud, for clarity and sweet peace. keep me in your prayers sisters
This pastor has "women issues", and from the looks of it you are not the only one he has had to deal with on this sort of issue. You are not the first woman he has liked, nor will you be the last. This pastor does not know how to relate to women he might be interested in, and his mentor is like a "mom" to him more so than a "mentor" If someone he is intrested in wants to communicate or talk, he pushes them away and calls them a distraction. He is confused and scared and this is his way of dealing with his feelings. He does the same thing his mentor does, use the pulpit to declare his issues and feelings instead of God's Word. My guess is this church is small and has a lot of people over the age of 40?? And maybe a few older couples in their 70's to 80's who like to say their mind as well?
This pastor is not looking for your best interest and is not "feeding his sheep". Weigh your options carefully...
Is there other church's in the area that you feel like you could attend?
Is your hurt feelings and rumors worth staying at the church you are at?
Are you willing to "take it" if you continue staying there?
Do you feel like you are being fed there even with all this heartache?
God can resolve any issue and turn the hearts of men, yet if they are disobediet and listen to the voices around them and not the Holy Spirit, their decesions, comments, and actions affect/effect the whole congergation. I am sure that is not just hurting you, but many others as well.
Actually, the Church I attend is a "mega Church" with 3000 members with live TV cameras. I am not letting anyone take away my peace. I continue to go to that church, but I do not attend that pastor's ministry meetings anymore! So he only sees me on Sundays, and when he looks at me from the pulpit, i just ignore him. He wears an angry look on his face when he sees me. I just ignore him. In the past i had told him that i wanted to speak to him to find out why he was behaving that way, and he told me to make an appointment. I did as he askedand he didn't respond. But he continues to harbor animosity towards me, as visible in his facial expression. I am there to worship God. I am not there for him. This is so ridiculous. He is 36 yrs old.
On Sunday, the senior pastor asked the congregation to greet each other. The pastor of whom I have been speaking of looked me in the eyes, then stretched his arm towards me with the palm of his hand facing up. I was puzzled because how am i supposed to shake a hand in that position with the palms facing upward, sort of like in the position like a beggar holding their hand out. I hope you get the visual image. So i responded by trying to shake his hand in that position, and he pulled his hand away from me. Then leaned his head to the side towards me androlled his eyes. Now i'm beginning to think that he didn't really want me to shake his hand. Maybe he just wanted me to put my hand inside of his palm at which point he probably would have squeezed my hand trying to apply physical pressure to hurt me. The bottom line is this pastor is not acting in a christian way towards me!
What happens when we ignore a problem? It either goes away or gets bigger. Please be very careful and make sure you are sitting with friends or family if this happens again. Do not tolerate it. You are in my prayers.
update: Finally the reason for his awkward behavior:
I was just informed in church that this minister checked my credit report, and he was disappointed with the results, and states that is the reason why he has been rolling his eyes at me in church etc etc.
He doesn't understand why i'm a nurse and yet still has a low credit score "because nurses are supposed to be making money"
What does one thing have to do with the other? I approached him as an active member of his ministry, and asked for a recommendation period to go to seminary.
I did not give him any written or verbal permission to do a credit check on me. Isn't there some type of law agaisnt that? My social security number was on the recommendation form. Instead of filling out the recommendation form, he ran a credit check on me. My question becomes why would he be looking into my financial status?
I will be looking for a new place to worship so that i can be fed spiritually.
That is just stupid!!!!! When I go to buy a car or a large piece of furniture, the people selling me these items are required by law to have 2 signed released forms to even check my credit!! It would also be different if he was part of a credit card business, they check scores monthy to send you those ads in the mail! Anyway, that just irks me to no end. Never in my life have I ever had anyone do that to me! I agree with you. Look for a new place to worship. This pastor has serious issues and you need NO part in it! God will take you to a place where you can grow, use your gifts and serve without having to qualify financially! I will be praying for you!!!
I totally agree!!! That is completely illegal, an invasion of privacy, and extremely spiritually abusive. Get yourself out of that church and find a pastor who is more interested in your spiritual state than your finances!!!
I guess i've been somewhat in denial about my own feelings. Recently, we shared a "christian hug" that turned into us just standing there and holding each other. And we both enjoyed it. Then after the fact i felt somewhat nervous. And now, he has pulled back a little and this makes me very happy because it shows me that he can exercise self control and wants to honor God in every aspect. I am just loving the beauty of this as it unfolds, and I am remaining more focused on God than ever before.
