My DH and I have been having a really hard time "connecting" lately. By the time our weekly "date night" rolls around, we are both so exhausted, we have about enough energy to throw in a movie and try to stay awake for it.
We just feel like we've let everything and everyone take priority over "us." I love him, but I'm feeling really disconnected from him, just because this summer has been so busy for us. I know it's wrong, but that's the way it's been.
Oh, and going somewhere together is out of the question - he just got a new job and gets NO vacation for 6 months.
Anyone else have this issue - in the past or presently? What have you done or what are you doing about it?
What is your schedule? Are your hours compatible? Perhaps you have said this before and I have just forgotten. Anyway, specifically I'm asking what time do you get home from work? What time does your husband get home from work?
Part of the key I think for you would be to at least on one night a week, don't work again when you come home (clean house, cook, etc.) I'm not suggesting you have to go out to eat, but maybe do something the night before to prepare like the crock pot or pre-make something and put in the oven. Start your special time as soon as you get home from work. Take a shower/bath, enjoy dinner that you already pre-made. Enjoy some intimate time together...before your movie. That's one thing I do realize is a factor - if you wait...often sleep does take over especially at the end of a long work day.
The main thing I'm saying is, your house is not going to fall apart because you don't come home and do anything but relax one night. Make a point - both of you - to get home at a "normal" hour one night, and dedicate that time to one another.
I hope this helps but without maybe knowing a little more detail as far as your schedule it's hard to be more specific.
Love you...hope things improve real soon...I know you love your dh so much and he feels likewise and I'm sure you will work it out to do this.
Well...DH just got a 2nd shift job, and of course, my church office hours are 1st shift!
But...miracle of miracles...we had a really good talk last night about our lives, and how we have been letting everyone and everything take priority over "us." It started with me exploding into tears when he informed me that a friend of ours from Minneapolis said he wants to come and see us in December. December. Only one of the busiest months of the year for people in the ministry. All my frustrations sort of came out.
But the good news is, we came up with a plan. He had been feeling bad about not doing his part to take care of the house - our belief as a couple has always been that "everyone who lives in the house makes the mess, so everyone who lives there has a part in cleaning up the mess," but he, being a guy, has sort of let his part slide. He apologized for that, and now we have a definite plan as to who is going to do what so we can keep up with that part of it and not be overwhelmed.
...AND he has given up his "Thursday gaming night" because that will be the only evening we can really spend together now that he's got a new job. I've got Fridays off, so we'll be able to do some fun overnight "quick trips" into the city. We've also got Friday and Saturday mornings together, which have much potential!
Thanks for listening and for the advice!! Apparently DH and I were on the same wavelength while we were apart for a few days, because he already had a plan...
Oh, and he's going to tell our friend that December is NOT a good month to come see us :o).
I actually went thru a time where I wasn't intrested, just not into it. Not at all. And I didn't know why. I prayed, and waded thru it. It was a time of TREMENDOUS stress, at our first senior pastorate. Blessedly for me, an older lady in the church when I first got married, took me under her wing, and advised me "A husband needs physical love. It doesn't matter if you are in the mood or not, he needs it." As old fashioned as that may sound, it probably saved my marriage, because he was under alot of stress, and he needed that reassurance from me. So, I didn't initiate, but I didn't say no, and it passed after about 6 mos... a long 6 mos... lol But PRAISE GOD it passed.
There are so many good Christian books out there: Intimate Issues, Restoring the Pleasure, PD's book, Intended for Pleasure, Etc. Do you have any of these? The Penner's have been on Dobson's program and they are sex therapists (huband/wife). In general my advice is say "yes" as often as you can and aim for 1-2 times a week or more (for fun:) Keep romance alive! Wear what he seems to like and his favorite perfume. Sex is a small thing... but so is the key to your car!
That's one thing I do realize is a factor - if you wait...often sleep does take over especially at the end of a long work day.
