long time no write, but I have been reading the posts. I wanted to write really quickly to say thanks for the nitty gritty message Deanna! I have been sharing with our women the last 6 weeks about servanthood. Sadly, it's an unpopular topic in church circles though there have been great responses from several of the women.
talking about people who lose sight of this...I just read Francine Rivers "and the Shofar Blew" which tells of a pastor who lost sight of serving & only focused on building an empire for himself.
May we never lose sight of who we work for! leadinglady
It can be an unpopular topic with women. But it is a true priviledge to serve. To serve God, our husbands, our kids, and eachother! Our ladies group did a self-confrontation study a few years back. I wish I could think of the title. But the theme throughout it was being a good servant. Most ladies in my circle do not struggle too much with this, but do you all come across alot of ladies who do when you minister? I am mentoring a young mother right now who struggles with this. She is very self serving, and hard on her DH. She is in counseling and open to the scriptures and has shown quite a bit of improvement in the last few months. Any suggestions? She mostly has problems with running him down in front of the kids and others, and she has him do most of the child care and housework even though he works a full time job and she is not employed. She is also very financially demanding, you know, she wants to live beyond their means. He is kind to her in return, and wants to give her everything she wants, but he has began to gently set Godly limits.
Anyway, yes, thanks Deanna! Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder of who we really work for! You are a great encouragement to all! love, lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
Oh my word...do not get me started on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's too late..................I think I'm going to go on a tangent!!!
Here goes...it really irks me to hear women who are FT housewives or stay at home Moms complain about doing things around the house or how much their dh does not do. When people make the decision to stay home, don't they realize that home IS their full time job? Women talk about how they and their dh sacrifice so they can be home. Okay, so then do the things you're supposed to do when you stay home -- homemaker means, "making the home" - tending to it. Homemakers tend to the home while their dh works outside the home to financially provide. That's how it works. I am probably going to get some tomatoes thrown at me here, but i don't care!!!!!!!! I wondered if it was just me who saw this as a phenomenon among younger women today. Well, it appears by LW's post, it must be a disease that's widespread. Most of these women claim they cannot do anything to serve in the church because it's not their season, after all, they are a FT wife and mother. So, okay -- if that's the case you are expecting to see them actually do this FT, right? But, that's not how it works in many of the cases.
I have seen SAHM after SAHM complain about stuff with the house (or just not do the stuff and leave things in disarray) but they boast about how they are "working at home" and how this "is their full time job." You know what -- it's a shame for those who do that because they make the REAL SAHM's look bad!!!!! I know that a lot of women, including many on this board are true Godly homemakers, wives and mothers, (who work FT in the home) but quite truthfully I see a phemonenon these days that not only puzzles me, it drives me crazy. Lemme tell you some of the things I've seen...just dissect it for yourself...
I've seen one SAHM who truly feels the call to be a full time homemaker and stay home and raise her kids. She does nothing in her church or community because after all -- she's a FT wife and mother. This would all be well and fine except for the fact that she has a full time nanny, and has someone clean her house, but still complains that not only can't she manage her household (even with all this help) and sighs many times that she is "overwhelmed" (I get so sick of hearing that word sometimes - I don't think some ladies know the true definition of overwhelmed - especially if they have been raised a spoiled brat) but...she doesn't serve whatsoever in any capacities outside her home, and...drumroll please...she cries that she needs her dh around all the time. She can't function without him lending a hand to everything. Hello...hello...hello...is anybody seeing the ridiculousness of this situation? I think this is the bible's definition in Timothy when it speaks of "weak willed women." It wouldn't be oh so bad if it were the only situation I've seen.
In another situation there's a woman who is a SAHM, supposedly called to this role and just swears by this mighty FT calling God has put on her life to care for her home and children FT. Her dh works about 80-90 hours outside the home (no kidding or exaggeration) to make it possible for her to stay home and manage the house and raise the kids. But what does she do? On his one day off a week she complains that HE doesn't help her clean. HELLO...HELLO...HELLO...is anybody home here? I am just not getting the picture here.
Both women (and most I've seen in these situations) are high maintenance and financially demanding. No surprise there. I'm telling you, these are Christian women who have been saved for years and years but they just don't get the picture that basically this is crazy.
You know, ladies, I've done it all in this regard. I was a FT SAHM for my children's younger years and I worked out of the home as far as church stuff and free lance writing. Even with working in the church (from home) and writing, and speaking, I was able to keep my home and the kids. I just realized that was my job. I realize every woman doesn't have the ability to do all that at once...many could handle the home, the kids, but nothing else. I can deal with that -- I can understand if they are truly making the home and kids the focus and keeping it in order. There are women who do it with passion and purpose every day. But I cannot handle someone who claims that that is their FT purpose in life...that's what they "do" so this is the reason they can't do anything else (in serving other people)...yet...they cannot even keep the home and kids together! You know, the ladies who have gone before us in yesteryear would have laughed at all this. Our grandmother's generation and even our mother's generation wouldn't understand it.
I have a dear friend who used to work at a law firm. She loved working FT and was in a very high powered job. When she had her kids, God told her to stay home, be a FT homemaker, and homeschool them. All the same "passion" she put into that law firm job, she now puts into her home and kids. She runs it with as much energy and enthusiasm as she did when she worked outside the home. She considers her home & kids to be her "job description" and she makes sure her objectives are reached. Her husband has a very good job and works A LOT of hours a week to make it possible for her to stay home. She understands -- that is her FT job. She doesn't ask him to do anything other than be a good father to the kids and spend time with them. She realizes she chose the home as her FT job...it is not his job to do the housework. I don't understand why this is such a difficult thing for ladies to understand this concept. We all have a job in life. We all have responsibilities. For some it is FT in the home, for some it is FT out of the home, but nevertheless, WE ALL HAVE A JOB. Nobody gets a free ride. So you feel tired -- deal with it. Everybody who's pulling their share of the load is tired at times (or even a lot of the time) if they are serving. I imagine my two grandma's were tired after working the fields and tending to 5 & 7 kids respectively, and a house, and a husband, and their serving in the community and church. I suppose they were real tired, but that generation just didn't pine away about it like this one does.
With those who work FT outside the home, I believe they do need everyone to pitch in together to make it work. Larry and I both work FT at the church, now that all our kids are in school. Everyone in our household has to pitch in to keep the house in order. Everyone needs to have responsibilities - everybody needs to serve.
I am seeing a new phenomenon of women who want to stay home with their kids, but don't want the responsibility of the home. I think June Cleaver would roll over in her grave.
You've got to so know I am going to get in on this one! I have been a SAHM FT for 7 years and I love it. The first few years I was like the ladies you mentioned. I was not serving my home. I was a MARTYR! I saw no purpose in what I was doing. I knew I didn't want to part with my daughter but I didn't see the Godly purpose in it. Here's MY sermon. It wasn't until God showed me a passage in scripture that I saw it. I mean REALLY got it. It says women are to "keep" the home. It is a powerful word in the Strongs greek dictionary. It means to guide, direct, as a captain guides a ship, to protect. TO MANAGE! I realized not only was it my duty to clean (I must admit I still let this one slip now with business at home) but it was my GOD GIVEN position as a manager of my home. That gave me such an empowerment. It became my "garden" and I started getting organized (THANKYOU FLYLADY!!!!!) and all her sermons have helped so much. I started taking control of how our schedule went and the going on's of our home. I became active instead of being so REACTIVE. I don't complain to dh anymore. Another problem is women is putting kids before dh. We feel like time with them is why we are at home FT. But that is only part of it. Here's another chapter and verse we all know and love (and yes sigh at sometimes) ITS PROVERBS 31!!!!!!! This lady was a full time homemaker , business owner who considered what all she was doing before she took on something else. SO that lets me know she used her muscle, brain, creativity and all of her being to run her home in such a way that her husband and GROWN children (according to amplified study) praise her. I think we forget the benefit of a little hard work. Ladies used to never complain. And some SAHM get on this trip at womens lib. I think they take that same thing and use it to milk the "sacrifice" they are making. I tell my dh OFTEN how much i APPRECIATE him doing what he does so I can stay home and not have some boss over me and all. I therefore want to do my job well and make my contribution something dh is proud of. I don't think it is old fashioned at all (though some would accuse me of such). Society breeds such selfishness in people that we don't realize we are called to complement and complete our dh and that includes running our home in a way that he feels confident in your ability. Even when I feel like I am falling behind (usually a mismanagemnt of time on my part) I know it is MY job and if dh pitches in (he does now that he sees the effect on our home that putting in time in my WAHM business does.) And I say thank you everytime. And I may sound stupid. But so be it. But when I really think about it, I have the best job. I wouldn't want his responsibity. I coulnd't imagine what he goes through. I feel the pressure of a home and kids. He feels the pressure of his ministry, destiny, a wife, a home payment, bills, kids, school tuition, food. And not just the physically needs but emotional and spiritual needs too. I mean, I can sit on my BUM on the couch and watch Trading Spaces and the worst thing that happens is the kids having baby powder all over the bathroom adnd look like ghost and the laundry is a mountain and supper STILL isn't done (yes this happened not too long ago) but if he sits and doesn't work we are evicted and hungry. Like I said I have the good end of the deal and God equips us for our calling. So if ladies want to boast on this high calling they should boast in the high equipping for the job. And ther is an anointing for it. I'll end with my all time favorite story. Lisa Bevere tells the story of the woman who saved the tribe of Isreal. She was a SAHM who invited the enemy leader in for a drink and put a tent spike through his head and saved Isreal. She says this lady didn't run though the camp looking for a fight. She was at home doing her duties and God let her enemy to het tent door and let her defeat him in her own sphere of influence. THat is powerful. If noone has senn that video "The power of a woman's influence" you should see it. I think I will watch it again tonight while my dh is at work. Even if society or other people don't honor what a woman does (not just at home but through all the encouraging things she is) we must know God does. We'll never BE responsible until we know it is 1) our responsibility and that means the ability to respond(action) 2)we have a personal revelation of how God sees our LABOR. We work and God blesses what we set our hands to DO.
One more thought. This is about serving our husbands. I think I sahred this one time on our other board. But washing feet was a servents act or the person's job to was their own feet. When we iron a shirt or fix a meal or anything dh could do himself we have just washed his feet. It then moves from just a physical act to a SPIRITUAL act and a form of worship unto GOd. That makes laundry not so bad. Could it be we categorize things too much..spiritual things and unspiritual things when we should really do all things with a spiritual understanding and knowing God is with as much washingdishes and scraping macaroni and cheese out of our new walmart clearance rug ( yes that happened this week too) as well as when we are praying our heart out. And a date with our husband means more than to them than hours of cleaning house. There are times my husband says sit down and spend time with me. BALANCE.
GOd touch the hearts of your women to be honorable and hard working diligent. Out of a pure heart and as unto you. Let us use all our modern conveniences to free us up to love , to play, to enjoy our homes and our families and our friends. Not be martyrs but servants. And may everyone know how great FLYLADY is !!! lol And crock pots---thank you Jesus for crock pots! They are of GOd I tell ya !
SOrry for the spelling. One more thing. Think about where it said women were to keep their home, love their husband and kids so that the word of GOd wouldn't be blasphemed. WE could actually, by not doing our duties and service to our home and family, cause someone to say God's Word is a joke or not true. I can't imagine that. We want to point the way not discourage people and cause them to mock the Word of GOd! That puts a great deal of weight on a wife's responsibility and lets me know there is more to laundry than clean clothes. Outsiders are watching the church and if we are no differnet than worldly women (selfish and self centered and idle) then we could send a wrong impression. God sets us free to serve.
Thanks ladies! As a SAHM who runs 2 ministries, it is always so nice to hear an encouraging testimony like yours Cassandra! And I have leaned on ALL of Proverbs since I became a Mom! When I was young, I too whined about my calling, as this young mother I am ministering to. And I am trying to help her not waste this precious time with her little ones. The work all seems overwhelming until you get through it then you find out that it was not so bad after all. Deanna is right, it seems to be an unfortunate epidemic of the younger generation.(I can not believe I am refering to a younger generation) They have been brought up to think that this is a lesser calling to serve your husband and family and most of all, our Lord. It is very sad. I have watched this family struggle needlesly due to her selfishness. I have started bringing her to my group of Titus 2 ladies on Thursday nights for supper. We are all SAHM and homeschoolers. There are usually about 8 mommies and 25-30 kids!(large families) I spoke with the group leader privately about this girl's issues so occasionaly, we can , through topic of discussion, encourage her to enjoy her calling! We do not chastise her, we just point out the scriptures to her and give her the benefit of years of wisdom and experience. She is a babe in Christ, a few months old, so we are trying to very gentle in our guidence. Thank you again Deanna for being so very forthright!!!! No tomatoes here! And Thanks Cassandra for sharing. We put the kids to bed early tonight and spent quality time alone! It was great! Thanks for saying what you've said about putting kids above DH, I have to be truthful, I struggle with this as I have a very ill child who needs me around the clock. He often feels neglected, tonight, he did not and he expressed how much he appreciated it. My evening housework is not done, but he does not care! I am going back to give him another hug now! love to all! lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
All I have to say is...YES, YES, YES!!! I WISH EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA COULD REALIZE WHAT CASSANDRA & LW SAID ABOVE.
Wow, I am still digesting it, and it's powerful.
I must say one more thing (you're not surprised!) Sometimes it is difficult to bring this message as a pastor's wife because the pull of this attitude (above) is so strong. I believe there is a great divide where this issue is concerned. I find that about 2/3 of Christian women would probably agree with us on the above. But 1/3 probably don't and are living as LW described. Part of the problem is...sometimes they influence other women in the church, although they are not leaders in the church...(women like this tend to be the couch potatoes who don't do anything in the church), but...they get together for coffee, play times, shopping, etc. And the attitude spreads.
You know, I had a situation where that attitude was pretty pervasive and my dear friend Pastor Tara Sloan (who's spoken up on this board many times) basically told me that the best way I could combat it was to teach very, very strongly along the lines of what Cassandra said, above. Basically the women who had this lame lifestyle were influencing others just by bad example and sharing one on one about being "overwhelmed" and the above attitudes I described. So, I taught on it. I mean, I came out like a bull out of a stall teaching about it and speaking out. I find that when the 2/3 hear it and are energized through hearing it again, they "talk it up" and it sort of quiets the 1/3. They either just get quiet and don't spread their views (because the 2/3 are talking up so strongly everything you're teaching and they feel outnumbered) or they feel convicted and they change.
Cassandra, I think this would be a very, very good topic for you to preach on. Your church is not open to it at this point, BUT - when the door opens for you and Barak -- this could be your opening series that you would bring forth. Just think about it.
Love ya, gotta get some sleep. I just finished several hours of cleaning and I'm still not done! Much more tomorrow. BTW, before I sign off, that brings me to another point, but I'll start a new thread on it.
I just have to say that, Cassandra, thanks for sharing your heart. You have truly encouraged me today. I too have put together my control journal and am working towards becoming better organized. (not easy, but trying) I'm going to look for that video you mentioned by Lisa Bevere b/c I think that would be good to show to our ladies ministries. Boy, how we need to hear more of this stuff!
Deanna and LW, I love reading your posts and feel uplifted when i come to this site.
