I'm new to this group. We have moved into a new ministry opportunity because of a serious wounding in our former church. I'm healing slowly and doing much better. I got a lot of relief from venting on paper and God just gave me permission this past week to start writing a book about it. Any input on what a POSITIVE book could address that would really meet a need? So far I'm thinking about ways I was able to survive, ways the Lord provided so that I could keep my sanity through a brutal beating by our church of 15 years. I want a positive book, but I know that it may have to address some negative issues. I could also use some suggestions on ways you've survived similar situations that maybe I haven't thought of that could speed up my healing. I've still got a long way to go. We've been here a year already and I still sometimes stay up late at night crying and dinking around on the computer wasting time, letting my mind go to the bitter party. We are in a good place now, but still not reconciled to those who beat us up, and that really bugs me!
Big hugs to you...I am also a "survivor" of a bad church situation! Slowly but surely (it's been roughly a year for me, too!), I am starting to realize that my new church is NOT the same!
One thing I needed to realize was that the people in my last church may never change. They may never wake up and realize that the way they treated me was wrong. But I don't have to let my life be ruled and shaped by a bunch of people who were being used by the devil! Easier said than done, I know - and I still have my moments. I want justice...I want vindication...lightning bolts from heaven and all that jazz. But it is most likely not going to happen like that.
One psalm that has helped me a lot was Psalm 56 - I'd encourage you to read it! I also received a word from God one night at our church's prayer meeting (current church, lol!). I was struggling with some backlash from my old church - some gossip that was continuing to be spread about my husband and me - and a lady said, "I don't know who this is for, but God gave me this verse for someone here."
It was, "Look up and rejoice, for the Egyptians who pursued you are no more." This meant a lot to me, because I had constantly been comparing my situation to being brought out of Egypt (bad ministry position) and into the "promised land." It was a huge comfort to me...remember, those people cannot hurt you anymore! This is a lesson I'm still learning, day by day. The sad truth is, you may never be reconciled to those people, but as my mom taught me when I was a kid, "Let it be their problem, not yours!" If you've done everything in your power to make it right, and they have not responded correctly, then they're the ones who are going to answer to God for it.
Where are you ministering right now? You can PM me if you don't want to say it here...or if you ever need someone to vent with...if you're close enough to me, maybe we can meet and grab some coffee or something!
P.S. We should talk about that book! I've been throwing around a title, "Pastor: Uncensored," and using some of my journal entries - both positive and negative - from that time in my life, because there really aren't any "real" books out there for people in that type of situation. It may be fun to toss ideas back and forth and collaborate!!
I don't know what you mean by PM you. Private Message? I don't know how to do that through this forum. I would rather do that to let you know where I am. We are still in the Witness Protection Program, if you know what I mean. So much gossip is still at large, and we have had to hide our activities from so many that I just don't want everyone to know who I am and where I am. Of course, our whole last church knows where we are, but they don't know I'm in this forum. I love your potential book title. I haven't titled mine yet. I've thought about "Things I Learned at Church" or "How to Survive a ______Shunning" (don't know what to put in that blank yet). I've written two chapters this week, but have to get back to housework and my home biz and doing my new unpad church secretary's job and working in the yard and yadayadayada, so I don't know when I'll get back to it. I think I'll work on an outline sometime this weekend and go through some of my journal notes and do old-fashioned notecards just to help me get organized. My daughter just wrote a book and that got me going. It's not easy to break into the market. But you are right: not a lot out there for us.
I hope we live close to each other, but it's probably a long shot.
I understand what you are feeling...I think probably everyone on this board does who has been in ministry any length of time. Everyone experiences their "trial by fire" at some point. That's why it's so important that we encourage one another and stick together.
I think your book is a great idea. It helps when we share our stories with one another.
You're welcome anytime here to come and talk, vent or share your experience.
I too feel wounded still. After leaving not only a prominent ministry behind, but an abusive ex-spouse. I struggle with this daily. I feel badly about the fact that several people I left behind have chosen not to reconcile with me as they have chosen to believe idle gossip instead of hearing the real facts from those involved. It's hard not to let Satan get a foothold here. "Pressing on"! Love, Lori
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
You are so right to call this whole thing a place where Satan wants a foothold. And you are so right to talk about the idle gossip. And in most cases, at least in ours, it wasn't "idle"--it was intentional gossip--a smear campaign. And we weren't allowed in on it. No one really asked us for the facts, just believed rumors that were spread all over the church, the community, and even into other states. One person made it his business to try to trash my husband's reputation so that he couldn't have another ministry. That effort failed. It took awhile and some believers who decided to believe the truth instead of gossip to put us back into ministry. Praise the Lord! But,like you, I miss the fellowship I had built over many years with precious women that I now have no contact with because of this unbelievable situation. The thing that the Lord is doing in my life is helping me to use this as a springboard to the cross, to identify with Christ in his sufferings. He, too, was misused by those who knew Him best, not believed in by His own brothers, and put to death by those He came to save. He was despised and rejected by His own. When I get to feeling sorry for myself, I ask the Lord to give me the remembrance of my precious Savior who never did ANYTHING wrong and suffered so much for it--and He suffered for me before I was ever born. Then it helps me to find a blessing amidst the pain, a "working together for good."
