Today has been a difficult day for me. I have come to the conclusion that people do not really care about one another. I have generally adopted this belief, that people are self centered and could care less about others. They have other things, such as self to think about. Correct me if I am wrong. I DO need an honest assessment on this topic.
I have been down and out of church off and on for about 7 or 8 months. Only a remnant came to see me in the hospital or called. They do not seem the least bit concerned about me. ( I hope I do not come off as self centered). What I mean is that you pour yourself and your life into people and their families when they are going through, but when you need them in return they are not there.
I AM SO TIRED OF THIS!!!
My husband had major surgery 2 years ago. The same thing happened to him. Why do we, as pastors give so much for them, but get little in return? Sometimes I question whether we are good enough pastors. Do we not deserve the same treatment as we have sown to them in time of trouble.
Don't get me wrong, we have our assistants who are there (2 couples), but where is everyone else?
I am tired of being hurt like this. Can anyone help us? How do we separate from the hurt that comes along with ministry? Why do we give and pour into people's lives the way we do, but get little in return? Am I expecting too much? Maybe I am expecting rewards from men and not God. Help me get the balance on this.
When I have these thoughts, I begin to believe that I am being a bit self centered.
Thanks for listening ladies---this is the best board ever.
I understand, Firstlady. I think we have all faced this at one time or another, some more than others.
One thing to remember is...sheep are...sheep. Sheep are different from shepherds. We see things totally different, not so unlike leaders vs. followers or parents vs. children.
As an example, when my kids are sick, I am there night and day for them. I will make homemade soup, run back and forth to get them more juice, pray for them, or whatever. But when I am sick, sometimes I feel alone. They are in their own world. Or worse yet I could be in bed with a headache feeling like I'm going to throw my guts up and my kids will pop their head in the door and say, "uh, Mom, don't forget I need clean gym shorts for tomorrow." At that moment, I really do wonder, "do they have a brain in that head of theirs?" or at least a tad bit of compassion?
Our people do not always think of us as the ones in need. It is not that you are not good pastors. That's not true. Don't believe that lie. That's what the enemy wants you to believe.
You are the spiritual parents of that church and sometimes...face it, your children really act like children.
There have been times whether in need or on special occasion, my church people have forgotten but it is not due to malice or what not, it is just that they...are sheep. Who don't have the same thing on the brain all the time that I do.
You have sown a lot into their lives and I know it hurts.
One thing I have found helpful is to develop some good friends outside the church, particularly pastor friends. They understand. And some of our greatest support has come from other pastors.
When I was a little kid, I once saw my schoolteacher walk out of the bathroom. The Bathroom. Teachers go to the bathroom...just like me! I think your general church attendee is much like I was at 5 years old. They don't get it that pastors can be sick, down, tired (never tired!) or needy. But we can!
My slot has always been staff, not THE pastor. But, I've been on evangelistic trips and left word for the church to pray for us, dropped notes from wherever, and come home to a handshake and a "How are ya," like we'd only been gone since last Sunday. <sigh>
And, like you, I've been ill and had no one visit, call or drop a card--not even the pastor! I think it all has to do with today's busy-craziness. Who has time to think about the preacher, or the preacher's wife? They've got their own stuff. It isn't ideal, but it's a fact of life in the 21st century.
Okay, I am feeling your pain, but the question of the day is how much did they communicate with you when you were well? Sometimes people do not contact you not because you are bad but because they honestly think that you want to be left alone. How much did you interact with the congregation (on your own) before you became ill??? If they did not do much with you in your health, then unfortunately in your absence they will do even less...
Why?! Because they don't know what to say to you... It is like when I get sick and my puppy who normally wants to play all the time just comes to me and looks at me with a pitiful look on her face... She knows that I can not play but she does not quite know what to expect from me, so she just sits there... And then eventually she will walk away and go lay down until I am feeling better... She senses my discomfort but she does not know what I am really needing her to do or what she is allowed to do, so she does nothing...
Now my situation is that I am extremely close to my congregation, so when I am not there I am inundated with calls and contacts... And so I am on the other extreme... Sometimes I would just appreciate it if they let me have a minute to myself... Let me be honest, neither extreme is comfortable...
You all make so much sense. On one hand, the sheep are acting just like my kids at home when I am ill. Then on the other hand, we do not really interact a whole lot when we are well. Only the 2 couples that we interact with on a regular basis, is always there for us.
I really feel so convicted that I do not spend more time with the church. How do we spend more time with them, outside of church, so that they won't be strangers when we are in need?
How do we create this atmosphere without church taking over our personal lives? We already attend church Sunday, Wednesday for bible study, Friday for bible study and Saturday for prayer. Flow, how do you guys do it? How are you so close to your parishoners? How do we find the time, without compromising family time and the other jobs we have outside of church?
