...I'm not sure if we are, but there is a very good possibility that we are. Our church is so small that anyone & everyone notices when something is amiss. We had suspicions in the past & dh called the person in & spoke w/ him. Now more has come out, but nothing concrete. So dh is really between a rock & a hard place, not wanting to remove a possibly innocent man from his position & not wanting to keep a possible adulterer in his leadership position. Dh is really in need of wisdom. We are praying that God will bring everything out in the open & that God's truth will reign.
On top of it all, dh is exhausted. He's tired of the same ol' same ol'... asking for help in the various ministries & no one willing to jump in. You know the drill, the same people doing most of the work. And now "this", whatever exactly "this" is.... but our town is so small & gossip runs rampant that "this" will greatly affect us.
We're in need of your prayers & I would love it if you have any personal insight.
Yes, we've dealt with this several times before. Always a challenge.
In our previous church there was a person we were sure was having an affair, of all things, with a family member. They were caught in compromising situations alone (in the sanctuary alone with no one else up at the church...during odd hours, then someone would walk in - but they were not doing anything such as hugging, kissing or more...so what do you do?) Once they were also sitting in a car by a pond alone, but again - no one saw them do anything such as hug/kiss or more, so again, what do you do, penalize them for sitting alone in the car in the dark? Especially when they are related? They could say it was just a family related chat but everybody knew it was more though they never would have admitted it. The husband and other family member went out alone all the time without his wife present. It was almost like they went on "dates" all the time, but what do you do? They are "family." Another time the woman admitted to another woman in the church that "something happened" with the man, but wouldn't elaborate on what it was enough for something to be done. And the person she told would not come forward and stand up for what was right because they claimed they wanted to have "confidentiality no matter what" so therefore...they would not expound upon what the person told them. It's hard when you don't have people who will come forward with what they know.
When we got there the person was in much leadership - even revered... but we prayed them out of leadership. They still stayed in the church but by the time we left they had no ministry or authority whatsoever.
Confirmations from God came at every turn. We would have an evangelist in to preach and not tell them anything. After the service the evangelists would say things to us like,"as soon as I saw this one guy I knew something wasn't right"... and it would always be him. One time a guy, just a church person - not pastor/evangelist - who was really sensitive with the word of wisdom/knowledge visited our church. He asked to speak to my husband and I afterwards. At the time this guy was still in a certain position in our church. The visiting man said that when this man walked onto the platform, "alarm bells" went off within him and he knew something was not right. He said, "I don't know you and you might think I'm a flake, but I felt I wanted to come tell you what God showed me confidentially..." He told us and we just kept it in our hearts, knowing it was a confirmation from God that things weren't right. Unfortunately many others wouldn't have ever seen this and revered this person as someone very special in the church.
We prayed about it HARD and my dh didn't make things easy on him. He couldn't ask him to step down b/c he didnt have proof and with the way he was revered it would have been difficult. We fasted, prayed, and my dh didn't let the guy get away with one little thing in other areas of the church. He held his feet to the fire. For instance, if the guy was supposed to show up to lead something at 9:30 and he got there at 9:32 he would have been called on the carpet big time.
Combo of holding his feet to the fire, fasting and prayer got him out of everything within a few months. He resigned everything of his own accord. Sadly enough every pastor doesn't look at it the same way, and I think once again he is pretty much revered...
When you have someone who admits it and you can deal with it (and hopefully restore them - that has always been our goal) it is much easier of course. We have had that a few times. Sometimes they have submitted and been restored, sometimes not. But if you have no proof and the person is a thorn in the flesh I think you need to pray them out of leadership although not necessarily out of the church. If they are in the church but just sitting there (not leading) at least you don't have to have the angst that they are in leadership.
My dh and I have someone now who is pretty close to us that we restored back in ministry from one of these situations and they listened, submitted and are doing great. That is such a joy when it works out that way.
Thanks Deanna for your prayers. We are praying that God will openly reveal whatever is going on. The one lady in question has already left the church (as of last Sunday) & told someone in the church that she was asked to leave by another member but did not give a name ( but we do know it is the man in question.) It was the person she told that called dh & let him know that the woman was not coming back. That alone is enough to cause questions / problems in the church. Dh is really concerned that this could cause a church split (and we area the first pastors after a split 3 years ago.) So, we truly appreciate your prayers on our behalf.
Well, the gossip has started. Dh got a phone call yesterday afternoon from a lady in the church who said "this is what is being said... "Bro So & So" & "Sis. What's her name" had an affair. Now it's a whole new ball game. Dh spoke to the man in question yesterday & told him that he needed to meet with him tonight. The man was expecting it. He sounded very broken & not at all like the angry man he was when dh spoke to him several months ago. We're just continuing to pray for guidance, wisdom, & truth.
