...and I'm once again locked in my office so I don't hear YP and Secretary sniping about how they could run the church so much better, and how SP doesn't do this, that, or the other thing right! If I'm in the room, they preface it with, "Nothing against Pastor, but..." or "I love our church, but..." and then proceed to talk about how our church isn't marketed well, SP needs to do x or y better...they only do this on days that they know SP and PW aren't going to be working in the office, so I'm assuming that they haven't taken any of their concerns or suggestions to them...
I've called them on it several times, and I'm now at the point where I walk away from any such conversations, because if SP or PW walks in unexpectedly and hear them talking like this, I don't want it to look like I was part of the conversation!
I'm really torn - I don't want to be one of those people who says to SP and PW, "So and so was talking about you, but I defended you..." It hasn't exactly gotten vicious (just annoying and unnecessary!), and I am also trying to evaluate whether this is really a problem, or if I'm just being hyper-sensitive because of my last church. I feel like what I need to do right now is run the children's ministry and give YP and Secretary enough rope to hang themselves...SP has not been the pastor here for 16 years (and the youth pastor for four years before that!) and grown the church to almost 400 people by being a dummy...
On the other hand, I don't want to appear disloyal, either! Is my silence implying my acceptance, or do I bide my time and just let things run their course? I'm not intimidated by any means...but I also want to walk wisely! Advice, anyone?
First may I say what a GEM you are. Any SP would be very blessed to have you. I appreciate so much the attitude that you display and the way in which you lead.
Second...I believe keeping your heart right, either course of action is appropriate WITHIN REASON. If you know they are putting the SP in imminent danger (telling ANYONE off of the staff these type of comments would qualify) then privately go to SP and tell him/her. If these comments are between these two staffers, you are doing the right thing to distance yourself from them, definitely. You don't want to be guilty by association. I would defend your SP to the nth degree anytime they say anything directly to you. If you know they are doing it just between themselves, let them hang themselves. Meanwhile pray your guts out. Ask the Lord to change them or remove them.
By your distance your SP will know you are not with them. You will be spared if a confrontation occurs or this goes far enough for them to be disciplined or dismissed.
At the same time keep being the armor bearer to your SP in word and in deed. Build them up, speak well of them, encourage, be the team player they have always dreamed of. Sounds like you are well on your way!!!
It's amazing to me (as you point out) how they think your SP'S are so inept when they have obviously been effective there. This sounds like an Absalom attitude for sure... "if I were in charge..." ("if i were the king...) I would do it differently. They are CLUELESS.
With everything you have told me about your YP he sounds like a young punk who thinks he knows it all. What he just may need is to get out on his own and be an SP and fall flat on his face. With some that is what it takes to see that they are not quite as bright or anointed as they thought they were.
Keep going Puppetmaster...you're doing right and God will bless.
Be careful...in my opinion it is a tough place to be in! We are very careful about gossip and accusation. We have each others backs here with our staff, but it something needs to be confronted, we do it...with love and confidence and authority.
We follow these 10 Rules for respect and healthy relationships: Not sure where we picked these up...) 1. If you havea problem with me, come to me - privately. 2. if I have a problem with you, i'll com to you - privately. 3. If someone has a problem with me and comes to you, send them to me - and I'll do the same for you. 4. If someone sonsistently will not come to me, tell them, "Lets go to the Pastor together. I'm sure he'ss see us about this." I'll do the same for you. 5. Be careful howyou interpret me - I'd rather do that. On matters that are unlcear, do not feel pressured to interpret my feelings or thoughts. It is easy to misinterpret intentions. 6. I will be careful how I interpret you. 7. If it's confidentia, don't tell. I fyou or anyone comes to me in confidence, I won't tell unless: the person is going to harm himself/herself the person is going to physically harm someone else a child has been physically or sexually abused 8. I do not read unsigned letters or notes. 9. I do not manipulate - I will not be manipulated - do not let others manipulate you! Do not let others try to manipulate me through you. 10. When in doubt, just say it. The only dumb question are those that don't get asked.
