We're dealing with a nut job in the church right now and I just ask your prayers for this to sail on by just like the C.A. did a few months ago.
With this person (the nut job, hereafter referred to as NJ) it is different than the C.A. because they are not viewed as super spiritual, in fact they are always screwing up publicly big time. However, you know how sometimes people can sympathize with the underdog...
My Dh mentioned to me yesterday, the C.A. was more dangerous because although they were extremely divisive, they were quieter and therefore by simple virtue of being quieter did not affect as many people. The NJ on the other hand barks constantly. They are not spiritual but they talk to everyone within earshot - they tend to be explosive.
I sensed in a short time after coming to our church (probably two months or so) that there were issues in this person's life and it would not be a good idea for me to be up close to them too much, and keep a very strong boundary. So I did. I am not in close relationship with them and this helps the situation. I learned so much about this years ago when I did not recognize the signs of someone who appeared normal on the outside but had serious mental issues on the inside that could really become explosive in my life or the church's life should I get close to them. Back then I got close and almost was destroyed. When the NJ explodes and does something crazy or leaves the church and you are close to them, people's view is, "well if they are so crazy, why were you so close to them?" Admitting to people, "I just didn't know...I was clueless to all that until now..." doesn't get you very far. People tend to question. If anything they question your judgment in choosing close relationships in your life, or selecting those in leadership. And they disrespect you for your lack of judgment. Fortunately I now recognize the signs pretty quickly since we have been through it before, so it spares me of intense involvement in dangerous situations.
Well, I myself have not gotten close to this person because in a short time I recognized it but some others have not. And they are close to some. The NJ is a rather explosive person who knows how to bark, bark, bark all the day long. The good thing in this situation is, they are not spiritual and often blow up, say really inappropriate things, or even do really inappropriate things. It would not be out of their character to get mad at somebody at church and cuss them out or something like that. But when they are not explosive like that, they appear to be a very nice, sweet caring person. I believe strongly that they are manic depressive (bi-polar). In our favor is the fact that they do flambouyant things that show their true colors to everyone. However the flip of this is, you would have people say, "poor so and so is wandering from the faith and we need to go over there are rescue them..." and in the process they are sometimes conflicted by hearing very negative things...which for some who may have never heard the NJ's explosions yet, wonder, "why is this crazy stuff coming from this person who seems so normal when I'm around them?" There are also a lot of spirits operative here control, manipulation, etc.
The truth is the NJ has serious mental issues that they are not willing to take responsibility for. It's always "someone else's fault". They would never tell everyone the mental issues they have (of course other people don't always recognize the signs of mental illness - I didn't used to myself...) I myself know they are under the care of a physician for such, but unsuccessfully treated. You know sometimes it's hard to get things like this balanced out and under control even for a good physician. I realize it is very unfortunate that this person deals with this in their life, however...I also have a church to concern myself with and the protection of it. Also, on top of the mental issues I just see that aside from that, they have a major issue with authority. It's hard when you have somebody who looks normal in the church yet has these serious problems. And sometimes naive people can believe or sympathize with them.
Please pray that the NJ issues would fade just as quickly as the CA issues and that the moving of the Holy Spirit would not be hindered by any divisive assignment.
I know that integrity shines brightly...my dh says that truth stands naked in the street, I'm just wanting it to shine and stand naked sooner rather than later!
Love you all - thanks for listening...I love you and I feel better just when I am able to even write this to you all...(amazing how the burden lifts when you have others to help you lift it.)
Man I wish I would have known what to look for when dealing with our previous house guest! Oye!
I know God will work this out for you! They'll follow that voice that says they need to be somewhere else. Good for you for not getting too close. Another lesson I need to learn too!
I'm dealing w/ a NJ too. She's a nice person & all, but she's lived a hard life & I guess has never really grown up.
One of the things that I have given up at church is my role as Women's Ministries director. I'm still extremely active & in the pw leadership role, I'm just not "director." I've chosen someone else who is spiritually mature & retired, who can put a lot more time & effort into things & who totally respects my position. (Thank you Jesus for giving me that person!)
Anyway, our meeting last Tuesday was the first meeting under the new director. So I was careful to give her the floor & not to take over. Well, our NJ went off on a tangent.... "if you play Christian music in your house & have TBN on your tv all the time, the devil can't come in your house.... and on & on & on." I found myself in a real predicament. This woman needed to shut up, but I felt that I was stepping on the new director's toes. Finally, I was able to get a word in edgewise & say "if we're talking about things to pray for, I have a prayer request." I did talk w/ the new director afterwards & she told me that she kept trying to find a place to jump in, but just couldn't. Total NJ.
Then, during the same meeting, the ladies decided to buy some Bibles for some of the kids in the church. I said that I wanted specific Bibles (kid friendly, easy to read, etc). Anyway, it was decided that I would go get them. I said that it would probably be a couple of weeks before I could get to the larger town near us for the Bibles. My NJ jumped in "Sis. Tracy, this is Tuesday. You have Wednesday, Thurs, Fri, Sat, & then Sunday. You can get them by Sunday." Ok. I about lost it then & there. (Remember my rants about NO TIME & I've got to say no...") I just said "No, I can't. I'm working, have church, have a life, etc. & I can't do it by Sunday" I was firmer than I have ever been. The woman just doesn't get it.
We are blessed that most of the other people get that she's a NJ, too.
Also, use a cordless mic in meetings and move on to another subject or the next person. You have to cut them off before they do to much damage. Sometimes , a tactful private repuke is in order but I would have a witness with me. However, it is good for the church to have insurance on you to protect from legal issues and false accusations.
I hate to say it but, you are the ultimate leader and your WM director needs to answer to you by showing deference to you. She may need coaching on how to handle these public meeting situations.
Ah, yes...NJ's! I think every church has one at one time or another.
My brother dated the daughter of our home church's NJ (after she had left the church and moved on to "greener pastures."). Super sweet young lady - but he just couldn't reconcile the idea that this NJ of a woman would be his mother-in-law, so he broke it off before things got serious. Both of them are now happily married to spouses who are perfect for them, so it's not a sad story or anything, lol!
I agree with TwoAsOne...the SP and his wife need to take authority over people like this - demonstrate their leadership so that their staff and layworkers know that they have their pastor's backing. We had a woman in our last church who was being blatantly unscriptural in praying for someone to receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit. YP and I went to our SP, who agreed with us, but said, "Well, if you have a problem with her, you can go talk to her about it." Like it was a personality conflict or something!
Because he wouldn't take his authority and deal with the issue, the woman basically brushed us off like pesky little flies. And she continued to be a wacky NJ, which resulted in several people leaving the church.
The buck ultimately stops with the senior pastor and his wife! Perhaps you could do a training session for all your ministry leaders and talk about different problems they may encounter and how to deal with it. That way, your WM leader wouldn't feel "singled out," and every leader would receive some extra education as well..
I agree - you have to take authority. The new director needs to understand that you are the ultimate leader - she is under you. If at any time you feel a need to step in you must have complete freedom to do so. While you are doing this it will train her as to how to handle situations when you are not there.
Keep praying with me about my NJ. They get stranger all the time.
