Okay, all you senior pastors and senior pastors' wives - I have a question for you:
So, I heard back from the church I interviewed at. This pastor really, really, really wants to bring us on. But he said he just doesn't have "peace in his heart about it." The main source of this non-peace is the fact that his current CP is still there. His original plan was to bring us on in June and move the other guy into a different area of ministry until he left for the mission field in September. But he said he doesn't feel like it would be fair to us or to the congregation to expect them to switch loyalties with the old CP still "in the building." I told him that if that was the case, we'd just start in September. No big deal.
We talked on the phone a little more, prayed, he told me to go ahead and pursue some of the other jobs I've put on hold, and that if God wanted us there, he believed He would hold us for them until September.
As far as I was concerned, it was a no. So I prepared myself to grieve, move on, and start praying for more opportunities to come up...
DH decided to call this guy back, mostly to clarify that some of the things he'd shared in the interview had scared them off (We were asked point blank about anything shady in our past, and DH opened up a little about some of the sexual struggles he'd had in the past - all of them were "thought life" issues that he has since received counseling for, but he just wanted to make sure that that wasn't the reason why).
So DH talked to the SP of this church for awhile, and he said that no, his past struggles weren't even an issue for him, but that he felt that he couldn't ask us to wait until September, and was completely blown away that I'd made that offer. DH said he felt God tell him, "Give the man another week," so he did. And now DH feels all happy and peaceful about it. Apparently, the SP feels better about it, too, and now is going to take yet more time to think and pray about it.
The thing is, we have an apartment already approved for us in that area. They have our deposit check that they are holding until we can actually get there and sign a lease. So we could theoretically just move to the area, which would give DH time to find a job - once we sell our house, there will be plenty of $$ to live on until I actually started.
But I just don't know. I'm having trouble trusting God about this whole deal. Do you all think this guy is really sincere, or am I just being strung along? I'm naturally suspicious when anyone says, "I'll pray about it," because a lot of times, that tends to be Christianese for "No."
I'm spent. DH told me last night, "We're a team, right? So you're tagged out and I'm in the ring. Just trust me."
Trust is not something that comes easily to me - of others, or of God, to be totally honest. I'm just sick of this whole routine. I've been playing this game since October - the applying, interviewing, waiting, being rejected game! To be totally honest, I'm ready to give up. I'm at the end of my rope and I'm starting to wonder if I was ever called in the first place. I feel like God has been dangling all kinds of opportunities in my face, and then snatching them away before any of them become reality. I'm starting to wonder if He even likes me, let alone loves me.
I just don't know anymore. I thought this was it. Maybe it is. I'm just really, really tired of feeling like my life is just one disappointment after another. I need Him to come through for me in a big way, and soon...
Wow, this is really unique. I guess what you have to do is, sa you suggest, figure out whether the guy is sincere. Which is difficult because you don't really know him.
Would another meeting be possible? One where you share your feelings as you have described to us, and tell him your concerns about moving but not definitely having the job? I would say, if he says, "you're hired, but don't officially start until September"...then I would go. However if he says, "We'll talk about it closer to Sept." Or, "we'll see in Sept"...then NO. I would not go in that case. He has to give you something definitive before you make the move. I would not move without a solid job offer. I would go with the understanding that you don't start til' September but I would not move just "hoping" you get offered the position.
Do you know anything of this man other than your interview with him? Have you talked to anyone who would know of his reputation?
I don't know any of the details of this position and I understand you not wanting to share specifics on the board. If you feel comfortable, email me privately, give me more details and I will even CONFIDENTIALLY check with a friend or two to see if they know anything about him. I do have lots of friends in the AG who have been in the fellowship for many years and might be able to find something out for you. Again, I wouldn't do anything to harm you or break your confidence. I have people I can go to who would not breathe a word about it and would just tell me what I needed to know, if they know anything pertinent about it.
This is a tough one. You've been through it, haven't you? My feeling is that you might want to hold off the move until you are sure of the position. It would be really rough to move there....the position fall through...and you find yourself back to square one.
Thanks for sharing. As I was writing this I stopped to pray for you--for wisdom, for favor, for God's intervention.
Rest in him.
RevDell
PS: I'm studying Ecclesiastes. I've always thought of it as a book that just didn't fit with the rest of the Bible. It's so pessimistic! As an optimist, I found Ecc. depressing...make that DEPRESSING! As I study it now, I see that it is Pessimism with a Purpose. It really has some answers to life's problems that are not pat answers. One big question is, "Who is in control?" if the answer is "people." Than people make the rules and life is controlled by the most powerful people. BUT, if we can truly reply that the answer is God is in control, then our circumstances are brought about by divine appointment. Hmmmm. Changed my thinking. I much prefer having a loving God in control and I refuse to allow people to control what I do or what I am.
LOL!!! I love Ecclesiastes! I just read it through again this weekend. I'm the eternal pessimist, though, so I can totally relate. But you're right - it is "pessimism with a purpose," and it not only gives me permission to feel that way, but it gives me hope that God is in control, anyway!!
Feeling much better today - God has been putting appropriate Bible verses in my head today, as well as every other song on the radio being about waiting on God, or on praising Him no matter what...
Tomorrow is "Easter emphasis" chapel at NCU, and all staff are expected to attend. A 2-hour praise and worship service in the middle of my workday. Yay!! I'm beginning to realize that God totally dropped this job in my lap because He knew I'd need it....
