I know it's been awhile since I've posted! I have been lurking and keeping up with the posts! Tonight, I am soliciting your prayers.
What I know for sure, is that God has charged our ministry to minister to the hurting, the wounded. He has anointed me to preach the gospel, bind up...heal...etc.
I am being tested. And I fear flunking miserably.
Really, really emotionally needy people get under my skin. I keep thinking I've got so much on my plate, plus my own family to tend too and now a really, really emotionally needy person has come to us and is temporarily living in our home.
This person has been abused by family, ministries, the list could go on. So much so, this person has not matured at all. Instead of behaving like a young adult, they behave more like a young child which irritates my teenager!
I know God has sent this person.
But I miss the sanctity of my home.
I'm expected to be on call for personal ministry anytime. My home is where I have my down time and that hasn't been the case. I don't want to entertain after a long day at work. I want to come home, maybe do a workout, feed the family and relax a bit.
I fear that if I explain this to the person, they may see me as someone else who will wound in ministry. And that's not my intent.
I work full time and this person is still looking for me to cook when I get home. They are home all day! I still had to come home and do laundry! We've had extended house guest in the past and these people would help with chores and cook.
This person has a very child like mind set in that they want things done for them.
We didn't really know what we were up against until we actually spent some time together. I know I need to set some boundaries and make known our expectations.
I'm frustrated. This is such a hard thing. God knows me. He knows my patience levels. I'm assuming that's why this person is here! LOL!
My own children don't require this much attention. They are well-adjusted. My teen is at that stage where they shy away from physical contact. My house guest on the other hand seems as though they may have missed out on a lot of love and nurturing growing up.
wow, I really feel for you...it must be so hard. how long is this person staying with you? unfortunatley i really don't know what to say in the way of advice but i will be praying for you. Thank God for his grace eh? - that's my Canadian accent coming out, sorry Is this person able or willing to work? I do agree with you that you need to set out expectations for them because your home should be a haven of rest, not just for the hurting and wounded but also for yourself...
My suggestion would be to call a "family meeting." You could say something "now that so & so has joined our family temporarily, it's time that we meet together as a family. We're all so busy that we need to sit & discuss what each of us needs & how each of us can contribute to the family. Personally, I need some time to come home & relax. How can you guys help me out on this? "Teen" on Mondays & Wednesdays, I need you to wash the dishes. So & so, it is going to be your responsiblity to do the dishes on Tuesdays & Thursdays. " If you do it in "family meeting," maybe you can say what you need to without hurting feelings.
Absolutely - I would do as Trace has suggested. First, you can't allow this person to do this anymore. Your home has to be a refuge. They have to gain understanding of this.
We have had people stay with us before, most recently a young woman who moved here from Maryland stayed with us for five months before she married. It worked out great for us...she was not high maintenance and understood boundaries, was very appreciative of our having her stay here.
We have had a few people stay with us (a previous YP, and this young lady, a relative on one occasion for a very short time...but you have to lay the boundaries out. They have to have understanding of the pastoral home. It's the only place you have to let down. They have to understand, you are not going to wait on them, and you may come out in your flannel jammies and watch a lifetime movie in your living room if you want to! The next time they expect you to wait on them and ask you to get them something, simply say, "Betty Sue...(or whatever her name is)...I need you to understand that my role is very demanding and when I come home I cannot take up the job of doing things for you. I have a long day at work and when I come I cannot take care of all this. You are going to have to help us carry the load around here...we live a pastoral lifestyle and it is not easy. We need your help to be able to have our home as a refuge."
How long will this person be there? Has a limit been set on how long they will stay?
I'll be praying for you...you have to take up for yourself...nobody else is going to do this, you have to speak up. I'll pray that God will give you strength and boldness to stand up for yourself. You are worthy of respect and she needs to give it to you.
Things are much better in my home. Our house guest will be leaving next week. This person has helped around the house. I really have to interact as if child/parent relationship. The weekend was rough though but we made it through. There was some sulking and pouting but its better.
This has been a learning experience to say the least.
Is this person able or willing to work? I do agree with you that you need to set out expectations for them because your home should be a haven of rest, not just for the hurting and wounded but also for yourself...
