As you know my Dh and I will be moving to a new place of ministry and I want to do this right. So I would love to have some ideas of how to go into a new place as the first lady and spiritual mother.I don't won't to come off as to strong or to weak . I want to stand with my Dh and lead as God would have me. How did you ,Pr. Deanna and Flow begin your first days where you are?
I'm so excited for you! Well, I can only speak for what worked for me. I'm sure others may have lots of different advice and quite truthfully it's the congregation that also makes all the difference. I have found vastly different responses depending on where we have pastored, what the congregation is used to, what they are open to at the time. Here in Tampa my leadership is readily accepted, and they were ready for the type of partnership we have so it just flows. I'm very blessed in my situation here. Because of the acceptance of the congregation, I just came in and started flying from the very beginning!
I came in from day one as Larry's full partner. This extends from the office, to the platform, to our living room, or whatever. People just know we're a duo, not just in words or on paper, but...we truly work together. We demonstrate this in many different ways. I believe this works itself out differently for we who are in this type of partnership ministry, depending on our gifts. Some co-pastors are not necessarily teachers or preachers, but they lead administratively or in music or what have you. Being that I do teach and preach, people saw me in this role from the beginning. But you do not have to teach or preach to take on the role/ministry that you describe. Your gifts (whatever they may be) will make room for you -- the Bible tells you this! Also, the most important ministry you can do is to be physically with your husband, ministering to the people with him. One of my most important roles is ministering at the altar, greeting at the back doors after service, making hospital visits with Larry when the occasion arises (our other staff also takes care of a lot of the visits for us, which is a blessing), doing training sessions, counseling sessions, etc. etc. as much as possible together. We tag team preach a few times a year.
I think you need to learn to flow in the way that you feel most comfortable. Do what is in your heart to do from the very beginning full blast if you feel the congregation is ready to accept it. If not you may have to go in smaller steps for a while, but do not give up.
One thing I think is crucial is for you to take your place among the women as a leader. Even if they have a women's ministries leader there, you will always have a role in speaking into the women's lives as the first lady of the church. Don't be afraid to speak what the Lord lays on your heart, and above all...LOVE THE PEOPLE!
Let me know if you have further specific questions that I could help you with...it's hard to know exactly where to start as there is so much opportunity and so much possibility in being a pastoring partner!!!
There are many ladies who read this site who I'm sure have a lot of great insight and I hope some others will give you some perspective from other angles that may be helpful.
Whenever you meet someone who is hurting it is your instinct to show them love and care... When you see someone happy it is your instinct to show love and join in the joy... Start at love...
When my husband and I first got to THE HILL, I was commuting on a weekly basis from Baltimore to SC. So relationship building was difficult because although they saw me on Sundays I was not physically there for almost three months during the week, so they did not get to know me...
So my first step is go in loving the people, set the atmosphere for how you want to be treated, if you are not a hugger don't go in trying to hug everybody... BE YOURSELF but show love! Secondly, be available... Let them know that you are interested in them... I know that you are already married to them, but show them that you still want to date! Make time for fellowship...
The other thing that is crucial is let them know as often as possible that you are there to be a supporter of your husband and his ministry. One of the things that my people love to tell is that they KNOW that I love my husband.
But always remember that faithful is He who has called you... Remember God called you the church has only invited you...
Both of you have mentioned loving the people. and I am a hugger Flow :) the neat thing that happened when we started interview with the search commitee is that after the 2nd meeting we were all hugging hello and good-bye. My Dh 's aunt and uncle is an interim at the church now and she said that they told her that the biggest thing that impressed them about us was my Dh was solid in the Word and I hugged. The more I think about it I guess it just goes to show that people need truth,love and simple touch. They also asked us "can you love the people 'cause they will love you back." I just smiled and said if Jesus can love me in all my humanness then I can love people back.
They did ask how I saw myself in the role of Pastor's wife and my Dh and I both answered "Partners".
