Hey, its finally me and boy is this post going to be long. I have been reading some of yours from time to time but knew I had to long of a story to go into until we reached a positive point. So finally I feel I can do that. So hear goes...

We moved here to Searcy, AR to take over as pastors of a church. Except it wasnt a normal set up. First you should know we were ready to leave our former church becuase DH was growing weary with being driven (he definately is not lazy) and our family was growing apart. I did not know how much more I could put up with him caring more about what our Pastor thought or said than me).

Anyway, we moved here. The former pastor inhereted the church from his father. The church has been here 20 something years. They just finished building a new building (though it wasnt finished all the way) the old building was ruined in a fire. So Tim (the former pastor) wanted done with it. He was tired (or so he said) The organization we are with (its basically a big fellowship of ministers all over the US and abroad) who meet together for conferences and fellowship and its basically a big ole support group for ministers of all kinds.

The name of this organization is Destiny Ministries. Destiny coaches and counsels hurting ministers as well. Tries to give good sound Biblical counsel. The president is Phil. Phil is taking to Tim (Former Pastor) for a little more than a year. Time keeps insisting he's ready to let it go but he doesnt want his family to be kicked to the curb. He would like to still get to attend and be involved somewhat. So Phil suggests taking over the property by buying it. Bringing in a new pastor and just enveloping the church legally as a campus church for Destiny. Enter us.

We are supposed to be campus pastors. Except that we dont get to make many if any decisions about anything (from stationary to decorations) because it is after all Destiny's image on the line. And I do understand that to a great degree. BUt husband really had limited authority from the get go. Well the business side of the transaction was supposed to take 30 days between phil and tim. Six months down the road Tim has changed things about the deal every week. He even went so far to go to Phil behind our back and ask to take the church back and he and Phil work on it together. Not even considering what we were going to do for a living. (Did I mention Tim is employed by the state of AR and makes great money?) Our only income ended the week of Thanksgiving. We had no job and wondered what in the world we were even doing.

Pastor back home has basically treated us cordial  and did send us some money or our kids would not have had christmas. But it is so clear that we are not wanted back. When I told my dearest friend there (she is just laity in the church) the assistant and his wife found out at the same time (reading an email over bf shoulder) and immediately called our pastor. He immediately calls Barak and freaks out. YOu can tell he was scared that people were going to find out. See, we had people, hundreds of people that begged us to stay and he knows it. He does fight insecurity over dh's relationship with the people. Its just too clear and evident.

Anyway, fast forward to Christmas week. We are home for the holidays and hang out with xome of our church friends (some of our dearest) and they had not even found out yet. They are freaking out and of course super concerned about our finances.  But we have not told them how bad it is but its bad.

Pastor is not telling people and that hurts us. They would want to know and why he wants it hush hush--there's probably many reasons. But I think number one is he knows the people will blame him and be mad that we have been shafted.

Back to Tim. He now has full ownership again. Destiny was advised legally to walk away. He broke the contract and out of the $15,000 he made off the deal (Destiny's money) he paved the parking lot!! Not to mention Destiny had the building finsihed completely too. He was using Destiny to get the financial pressure off but get to eat his cake too. Now he has a whole hunking peice to eat!!ANd I have with held nothing from people who ask me what happened. His character is speaking for itself.

Dh has a job starting next week in Little Rock doing 911 dispatching. Awesome salary and full benefits out the wazoo. He rotates days which means every other week he will only work two days and have the weekend off to travel and evangelize (which is his heart anyway) We have been asked to help our missionary friends in Mexico build the first christian radio station there. SO dh is so very excited. (He has broadcast experience as well). I start assistant teachingat a christian preschool at a nice big methodist church here in town Monday. It is one mile from my house right behind my 8 yr old's school. How awesome. The pay is good. Hours are good. I have not worked outside the home in about 5 years so I am nervous. BUt I know I am supposed to help dh. He was about to snap under the financial pressure. We have had water turned off. They turned it back on when we told them what is going on and everyone is trying to work with us but the gas. They are going to see about qualifying  us for something if we can prove our kids are on Medicaid (which they are thank God) So if everyone will be patient, we are coming out of this big major slump and we are digging our heels in and staying here. We were tempted to run home but though we love our friends both sets of parents told us they see us happier than we have ever been (and we are despite it all) and would rather we stay than get back stressed and depressed like we were. So it was confirmation to stay. DD's both like it here too.

They are doing awana's on wednesdays at a baptist church here in town. We visited First Assembly here (one of our festiny friends works there as Childrens pastors) but it reminds us to much of our church back in MS. We want out of that right now so we are driving to Little Rock to be in a bigger church that is word of faith and we blend in yet are being fed. We also have friends that pastor about 20 minutes from here. They are our age and we really like them and we will visit ther some too but we dont want to get back under any one again. I dont mean being rebelious but Baraks days of slaving for another mans vision are gone. Its time for him to start doing what God has put in HIS heart for HIM to do. Its just hard to be free when you have felt bound for so long. Its almost scary at first but now we are starting to enjoy it.

So in summary, dh and I are no longer pastors. We are forgiving the former pastor. We are still a part of Destiny (though we are done expecting another man to make our ministry a success) and we are pulling together and making a fresh start and we are excited about this new year.

I love my dh and just ask you to say a prayer for him to stay ecouraged. He feels like a different man with me working now too. It was too much to do alone. WE have nice house (the nocest we have ever had in the safest neighborhood around) and we could afford it (barely) on the church salary, with it gone we have fallen behind but we are finding favor with our land lord and its all going to come together. We are doing ok.

Sorry so long. Sorry it had to be a negative post. We know we didnt have a fair shot from the get-go so we are not going to be made to feel like failures. We are moving on ahead.

Love you ladies. Deanna you are looking fabulous.

Cassandra