i know it's been a long time, but things are going pretty well, praise God! Although i do have some questions on how to council (is that right??) a young lady at our church. she has come to me and shared some information which she says she's told no-one. so to protect her, i won't use her name. soooo....she has a very best "girl" friend that she has been friends with for 3 yrs. the last 6mo.- a year, she says she's started having lesbian feelings for her, but she's never acted on them nor has she ever felt this way before. -also this girl has been through a whole lot in her young 20 yrs from sexual abuse by former foster parents son who claim to be Christians to now living with other foster parents who love her but don't really believe in healing which is important b/c she just got healed from MS this past summer, the most deteriorating kind. She told me that she doesn't want to feel this way towards her friend b/c she knows it's wrong scripturally and morally and she wants to get married some day and have children. But how does she handle this.
i know i just gave a whole lot of info in a nutshell, and i hope it makes some kind of sense but i was wondering if you ladies have dealt with this before or if you know of some really good reading material i could read to help council her or i could give to her to read. i've looked for stuff on the internet but it's not from a godly perspective.
thanks ladies. i don't post much, but i love and really enjoy reading your posts. thank you for being real.
Hey revswfe, sure is good to hear from you! Thanks for stopping by today.
Okay, honestly - I don't do too much counseling anymore. I get out of it whenever I can because I have learned that first of all, most of the issues are either beyond pastoral counseling (they need a professional Christian counselor and need to go for at least a few months) or...they are so "minute" that just attending church regularly and applying everything will solve it. Counseling has proven so unproductive for me and many of the people you counsel will leave the church because once they have told you something so personal, even when they get beyond it, they can't handle that you know it. Larry and I got tired of losing people from the church once they were healed. So, we send them to counseling at a center in the area (not affiliated w/a church) and then they keep attending our church. But anyway, I digress...
I would recommend that you refer this girl first and foremost. If you can possibly give her a referral to a local counseling center in my opinion that would be best. If you are intent on counseling her, I would suggest you keep it very basic and let her know if she needs more - a referral is the way to go. Spiritually - as her pastor, I would advise her to let go of this friendship if she can. It is necessary for her spiritual health, to move on. She has feelings for this woman and if a man & woman had that kind of feeling for one another (like an "emotional affair") we would counsel them to discontinue their relationship. It would be the only way they could move on to wholeness and healing. I think you indicated only one person is feeling this way at this time. However, I believe we need to take the high road and be cautious. We have to avoid sin. Her friend is not sinful. However, she is having sinful thoughts about her. We have to be careful what we put ourselves around if we know it is a temptation for us. This is why I don't keep potato chips in my house anymore, nor do I watch Michael Douglas movies. Potato chips are not evil nor is Michael Douglas (well, his ex-wife might disagree with that), however...the fact is, I can't handle either one of them and still live like God wants me to. So, I avoid them. Does that make sense? I strongly believe, "never put in front of you what shouldn't be inside you." That means a food, a drink, a drug, a person, etc. The bible tells us to flee immorality.
After minimizing her relationship with this friend, she needs to have some counseling/ministry from somewhere that deals exclusively with the issue of homosexuality. This will not go away if she simply lets go of the relationship because there will be somebody else she is attracted to. There are ministries like "Exodus" that deal with this and they are very successful. Although she is not acting on it, she has the thoughts and it would be good for her to nip this in the bud while it's still a thought. Our thoughts become our actions if we dwell on them. The sooner she deals with this the better.
These are just my two cents...I'm sure others may have differing views on what you should do...pray about it above all else.
Hi, RevsWife: It is nice to hear from you. Hope all is well.
Just a few thoughts:
1. I agree w/ Deanna. This girl needs to stop contact w/ her friend.
2. This may sound silly, but if you continue to counsel her, I would suggest doing so w/ your dh. We've all heard that men should not counsel women alone for several reasons i.e. protection for the man. We know that women are known to develop feelings for their male counselor. Considering this girl is having lesbian feelings, she could easily turn her affections to you. Sounds silly, but you can never be too careful when it comes to counseling.
3. If you do refer outside, by all means know the person to whom you are referring. Homosexuality is a controversial topic today in Christian circles (though when the Bible says it is wrong, I'm not sure how people can argue.) There are many "Christians" who are accepting the behavior. I would make sure that if you refer outside, that you know the beliefs/practices of the Christian counselor.
In addition to breaking things off with the friend, I'd have her monitor what she's taking in by way of TV/Radio/Videos.
I certainly agree with Deanne about referring out. We're a firm believer in that. Some things really go beyond pastoral counseling and should be seen by a Christian professional.
thanks everyone. I appreciate all your words of wisdom and fortunately we do have a Christian professional who we've referred people to before. so i agree that it is probably wise to have her see someone else who has the skills to deal with this. Trace, your point is well taken, i really never thought of that before, probably b/c i've never dealt with this type of situation before.
oh and just as a side note...remember the CA i told you ladies about a few months ago who caused me soooooo much stress? well she did initially leave the church...for a time...can you believe she's back again!!! i'm thinking God, what didn't i get the first time around that this one is back again.... anyway, my dh and I are courteous to her but as far as her getting into any leadership position, it's out of the question. i just can't believe the audacity of some people, it just blows my mind.
thanks again ladies, as always it's wonderful to talk to you....really missing reading Cassandra's posts...
Potato chips are not evil nor is Michael Douglas (well, his ex-wife might disagree with that), however...the fact is, I can't handle either one of them and still live like God wants me to. So, I avoid them. Does that make sense? I strongly believe, "never put in front of you what shouldn't be inside you." That means a food, a drink, a drug, a person, etc. The bible tells us to flee immorality. 
i'm thinking God, what didn't i get the first time around that this one is back again....
anyway, my dh and I are courteous to her but as far as her getting into any leadership position, it's out of the question. i just can't believe the audacity of some people, it just blows my mind.
