These are the main issues I've come up with as far as my working in the church I interviewed for (No, I haven't gotten a call for a second interview yet - but I have, of course, been thinking about it nonstop!).
1. The current CP isn't actually leaving. One of the big ministries of the church is a Christian school, and she is moving over to run the school instead. So...there could be some issues there. I guess I'd have to meet her to find out if it would really be a problem, but it is a concern, nonetheless. Lots of comparing; people running to her with problems with me; the inevitable conflict that results from space-sharing; etc.
2. Relationship-building. How on earth do you build relationships with kids when you have 300 of them?
3. DH and I are a team - always have been. But this would be a whole new dynamic for us - it wouldn't just be "us against the world," and it would thrust both of us into a whole new comfort zone - complete with about 30+ volunteers!! He says he's cool with that, and that he plans to "lay low" for about 6 months if I get the job so that I am established as the children's pastor...part of my problem in our current church is that the people just sort of assumed that he was the leader basically because he's male (Not sure why that is, considering they already had a female YP, but anyway...), and his extremely outgoing personality just solidified that in their minds. He doesn't want that to be a problem the next place we go. On the other hand, I don't want him to feel pushed aside. He is the only reason I've been able to do children's ministry for the past 2.5 years (other than my awesome early childhood leaders, he has been my only consistent team member!), and I don't want him to feel like he's being brushed aside and "replaced."
Anyway, those are the main concerns. I'm probably jumping the gun a little, since, as I said, I haven't even gotten a call back yet. But that's me - psychoanalyzing everything to death and looking at it from every angle...
1) Your first concern is the only one that held any concern for me at all. I think as the interview process became more serious, you would address this with the staff, as in...a question... "how do you think the children and their parents will handle the transition with the former children's pastor still here?" I would keep in mind, if she were that great of a CP - they would not be moving her. CP's (good ones) are NOT a dime a dozen. They are very hard to find. If they are moving her, they are looking for something more. If you do go there, honor her with your words but if there is a conflict in doing something you would just say, "Well, I recognize that Pastor so and so did it that way, and that was appropriate then - but this is now and we are going forth with a new vision..."
2) Regarding relationship building...how does a SP go in to a church of 300 and build relationships? They just go in and start doing it person by person. It takes time. Keep in mind just like an adult congregation, you will have "core" kids who are more faithful and then fringe kids who are only Sunday Am attenders...you will develop more of a relationship with your core kids.
3) Regarding DH, I would not have him lay low if I was you. In a larger church I believe the climate is different. it will be communicated - YOU are the CP. I believe the congregation will understand this. They have a larger mentality than your current church. In a smaller more back woods environment, of course it's assumed the man is in charge. You will be at a larger metropolitan like church if you take this position, I assume. The whole mindset is different. They have a greater understanding of women in leadership. Don't let your dh slip from being your right hand person. You need him as your partner in this position just as much as in your smaller church. Yes you'll have more workers and more kids however the challenge will be even greater and nobody is a partner like your DH!!!
I agree w/ what Deanna said, especially about your dh. I believe that he should be able "just to be himself" & your partner from the beginning. I think people would accept him easier. If I saw a change in him after 6 months, the analyzer in me would be saying "What's going on? Why is he all of a sudden doing such & such?" And if you gave him more resposibility, I'd be saying "what was wrong w/ me? Did I not do such & such good enough?" Plus, he will also be a great asset in your #2 concern. He can help you establish relationships w/ the kids & your volunteers.
Trace is EXACTLY right. I think it's a big problem when you go into a church and "evolve" as a spouse. Every time I've done that, it's been my nightmare. For instance, in previous situations, I evolved as co-pastor. I was still learning about our leadership style and the workings out of it. As a result, people would say exactly what Trace mentioned. Okay...what's going on here? But when you go in as something and you remain as such, there is not that issue. I came to Tampa as exactly what I am now and there has been no evolving, so therefore it's been much smoother.
I would recommend that however you want your dh to end up is how you start out. Note: this doesn't mean that we are not still learning and growing. Obviously, I'm still learning and growing! What I mean is, that you decide up front his role and involvement and then you grow from there. The "level" of involvement is there from the beginning, in other words. If not, you will have conflict when he either steps up and becomes more involved, or when he steps back and gets less involved.
I think that with the current CP leaving, it wasn't so much that she has been a BAD children's pastor (she's been there for over 20 years!) - it's just that her heart and her vision have been drawn more and more to the Christian school. I think that, with a few "ground rules" set by the SP, that she and I could peacefully coexist.
As far as my DH goes...this is just potentially (assuming they call me back...tearing my hair out in frustration right now because they haven't!!) a whole different ball game with a whole different set of rules for us. Our life together has not really taken a typical path from the beginning - we didn't start out as a "ministry couple," and in a lot of ways, we're still fumbling and trying to figure out our roles. Like, he's the head of our household, but I'm the head of our ministry...yet we're partners, because he is definitely my "rock." I could not, I repeat COULD NOT do this without him. So it's sort of a delicate balance. Our YP and her husband, although they're younger than us and have been married fewer years, have actually really been a great example and source of help as far as that whole thing goes - She was already a YP when they started dating, so their marriage started out the way ours has just recently become - a female licensed pastor with a godly husband who has no intention or calling to be a pastor!
But yeah, it makes sense to establish right away how things are going to be. Which is why DH and I need to talk some more. I know he feels like he's been giving way too much of his time to the church right now (even with his job as church administrator, he still goes WAY above and beyond the hours he's paid for!), and would like to start fresh wherever we end up and be able to concentrate on his own dreams and callings...
I guess we're still working on that ever-present issue of "balance." Wait until we throw kids into the mix, lol!
