Do any of you ever ask, "Why Lord? Why did you call me in the ministry?" Why can't I just be a teacher somewhere & dh do whatever it is he wants to do (besides pastor), go to church, teach a SS class, pay my tithes, anything but be in the ministry.
I'm sorry, but I'm having a very low moment right now. People have been waging war against us for months now. Why? What have we ever done to them? I know, we wrestle not against flesh & blood..... But it is flesh & blood that is hurting me.
One couple who we thought were on "the same page of the book as we are" has left the church. It's bad enough that we have the former CA out there, still waging war against us, bad mouthing, etc. for what reason that I still do not know. Now we have someone that we thought was "on our side" leaving. It's like the knockout punch or being kicked in the stomach. I have always admired this guy who has appeared to be like a guy's guy, willing to stand up for right, be "out of the box", say what he means & means what he says. His only communication has been by email. Dh emailed & told him that he would like to meet w/ him, but this guy refuses. He doesn't want to talk. This is so unlike him. He says that his feelings weren't hurt. I just don't know.
Why? Why us in the ministry? All I can do right now is cry, sob actually...
I just don't get people. I wasn't raised like these people, I guess. I was raised to be gentle, considerate of others, give you 100% to all that you do, love God, love others, treat others as you would have them treat you, be careful what you say... Why can't others do the same?
Pastor appreciation? I'm not even counting on it. I don't know who out there appreciates us, appeciates all that we have gone through, the sacrifices that we have made, the many sleepless nights & tears that we've shed. Who cares??
I'm sorry if this sounds so bad. But this is honestly how I'm feeling. How much more must we take? How much more is God going to allow? I'm so tired of hurting. I'm tired of my life being so greatly affected by those around me. Someone doesn't get there way, "we're out of here." Preacher doesn't shake my hand, it's too cold, it's too hot... What about faith & commitment? What's wrong w/ people? Christians, or so called Christians??
I know I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I'm just hurting. Really bad. I have no one to talk to. Dh at least has a pastor friend.
I really need your prayers. We know that we know that we know that we are in the Lord's will. But it is sooooo hard right now.
You are not alone. We have all been there - all of us who have been in the ministry five minutes or more! Please know that you have people who understand what you are going through and you can come here and vent, cry, sob, whatever - anytime.
Something to remember is that although you are "human" you are on a higher level than your people in that you are like the parent and they are the child. Your natural kids drive you crazy sometimes. They disobey, they are not considerate, they whine, sometimes they even threaten to run away from home! Although like your kids you are a human being, so you also have more wisdom and maturity than they do. You are the teacher, they are the student.
Your people are just your spiritual kids. And sometimes they literally break your heart and make you want to run away from spiritual motherhood. They can many times be unappreciative and sometimes downright hurtful.
I am not excusing their behavior by any means. But I am simply saying - you are making a comparison between yourself and them, and I'm saying - there is no comparison. God has called you to a higher level, that's why you can't ever imagine doing or saying a lot of the things they do and say.
I know you are mega stressed out right now and probably nothing we can advise you to do would help or sound like a solution (none of us are there going through what you are - although we sympathize - we have faced stuff like this too) but........I will say -- YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF.
I know finances are tight...so, it doesn't have to be something that's a lot of money. Get out - go for a walk. Have dh take the kids for a while and you go take a bath, watch a movie, make a phone call to someone YOU can talk to freely. Dh has his friend - you need yours too. Buy yourself something as simple as some bath gel or a pair of earrings from Walmart. Ask dh to rub some lotion on your feet tonight before you go to bed while you just destress for a few minutes. I know this isn't going to take all the problems away, but at least it soothes you for a few minutes. Trust me, I know - it's what I do! How about this? Get a cup of coffee...lay down on the couch...ask dh to rub your feet while you talk for a while about what you are feeling.
My husband and I have learned that there are 2 types of relationships in life - energy zapping and energy producing. Most of us have nothing but zappers in our lives - including our kids - they all "want" from us. Our marriage is meant to be energy producing. We are there to energize one another, soothe one another, talk things out with one another. Sometimes we are the only support the other has. My dh and I have made our home a refuge...a few times a week we just sit in the tub and talk...with a glass of iced tea or coffee...get out and massage while we talk...rent a funny movie to lift our spirits...etc. If you have little kids you have to do this after you put them to bed so you can get some rest...but make time for you!!!
Pastoral ministry is stressful no matter how you slice it. We deal with whiny members, lack of appreciation many times (all year round, not just on Pastor Appreciation month) and unfair treatment. You have to intentionally create times and situations where you can de-stress. Even in my church now - where I am sooooooooooooo happy it's unbelievable, I still face people now and then who become a thorn. (I'm not in an abusive church now, or a "difficult" one, and our board is WONDERFUL.) But every now and again someone might come into the church who is on the troubled side and they try to cause me some grief...in fact one day a lady sent me a fax just lambasting me...it was so crazy. I was so glad my secretary DID NOT receive it and I was the one who found it -- my secretary would have honestly been devastated to read it. I put it in "file 13", went home and took a bath and forgot about it. My point is - every now and again somebody comes along that threatens me, but I have to remember who I am and what I'm here for.
At times, my "kids" will act immature, thoughtless or even mean. But I have to remember my call, who I am and what I'm here for. Remember who you are Trace - you are God's anointed and appointed for that place. Don't give up.
The bible says David encouraged himself in the Lord. Sometimes you have to create that place of encouragement. Nobody is out there doing it for you. Make time to build yourself, encourage yourself, take the time you need.
I remember when I was in 8th grade, and I prayed a prayer of commitment to God, promising Him to live my life as though He had something amazing planned for me - to not compromise, or be a "comfortable," or "casual" Christian...
During this past year, I've thought back to that moment, and asked God, "Why did I do that? Why did I pray that prayer to You?" I could have been a nominal Christian who paid my tithe, went to church, and even got somewhat involved. Did my turn in the nursery, brought the appropriate dish to potlucks, etc...I'd still make it to heaven. Why did I basically challenge God to call me to the ministry?
But now that He's called me and I've answered, I can never go back. As much as it hurts sometimes, as much as I threaten to quit and become a Zen Buddhist (I actually did tell my SP that one day; he said he'd kill me and then I'd go to hell besides ), I know that looking at the kind of life I could have led, I would have slowly suffocated until I either broke out or died spiritually. I was meant for ministry. It's the only thing that really fits.
It's easy to look back on a situation and say, "God had a plan." I look back at this latest hurdle that we've just jumped and NOW I can see God's hand working through it every step of the way. Not so much while I was going through it! But maybe this "on your side" person really wasn't on your side. I know that those of us who have CA's in our church often pray the prayer, "Jesus, change them or remove them." Maybe this person was a CA, and you just didn't know it yet. We had a lady about two months ago who "suddenly" got a job out of the country, and we found out after the fact that this seemingly "sweet" and "supportive" lady had been instrumental in driving out the last two pastors. God pretty much plucked her out so He could move.
Jesus, be with Trace and her family right now. Show your hand in all of this, and help them to make sense of setbacks in their lives and ministry. Confirm to them that this is where you want them to be, or open up another door for them. We know that You have called them, we know that You have amazing plans for them, so I ask for supernatural comfort and encouragement. Let them be flooded with phonecalls from people telling them how much they're appreciated, not just during Pastor's Appreciation Month, but all the time! In your name, we believe that it's done!
Thanks ladies for allowing me to cry on your shoulder. I'm feeling a little better. I just needed to get that out of my system. Began reading in Psalms and found a lot of comfort. (Many people turn first to Psalms for comfort, but that isn't usually the first book in the Bible that I turn to.) I've got a ladies meeting tonight so I can't take the time for myself that I would like. Maybe it won't be too late when I get home.
Deanna, what you mentioned about the energy zapping vs. energy producing relationships... I guess that is what I'm having trouble w/ in this latest family leaving. To me, this couple was very energy producing, never zapping. I'll miss that.
I understand what you are saying about being the spiritual parent. The thing is ... I can discipline my kids when they are out of line. It's harder to bend a 6 foot something man over your knee
I see what you mean, about the member leaving that you enjoyed and thought was on the same page. We have had people like that too throughout our ministry and it's been difficult when it happens. You know, people you've socialized with, worked side by side in the church, and all of a sudden...you find they are not in sync with you. That is VERY hard, especially when you rehearse in your mind all the things you did for those people...all the times they have been in your home or you have helped them in some way. Ughhh!!! It threatens to drive me to the nut house when it happens so I just say, "cancel! cancel! cancel!" when I get those thoughts and stop rehearsing them again because they just tend to fill me with anger. And those type of thoughts were one of the things that USED to lead to me being overweight...now when I think them I just walk until i can't walk anymore!!!
We are here for you, Trace. Please do something very, very nice for yourself tonight. If I were closer to you in proximity I would invite you over for a cup of tea and cookies. ((((((Trace)))))))
Oh, Big, major "ouch!" Lots of pain in your words.
You know one of the things I've learned about ministry is that no one knows exactly how to do it, but everyone can let you know when you don't do it right (or at least right to their way of thinking).
When I first stepped out into the evangelistic field, another woman minister told me that after every revival she preaches, and every Bible study she conducts, she spends time with the Lord in prayer. She'd pray something like this: "Lord, so-and-so said I was preaching heresy. Here it is, Lord. It's yours." On the other side, she might pray, "Lord, people were so blessed tonight. Several people told me they loved that message. Here is it, Lord. It's yours."
Get it? Let criticism and praise roll off you onto the Lord.
That doesn't change the way you feel right now, I know. But, Dear One, know that there are people right here who are praying for you today and will continue to hold you up as you work for the Lord.
Emotionally, I'm doing better today. Of course, I've only been up for an hour or two. We had WM's last night, so I wasn't able to take the bubble bath that I had wanted. With our schedule, that it will probably have to wait until Friday. I did get to finish up a novel that I'd been reading this morning. I was encouraged last night at WM's though. A lady that had been missing church for several months due to severe depression totally surprised me by being at WM's last night. She has NEVER come to WM's before. God used her to remind me that He will build the church w/ the people that He wants there.
I've been comparing the ministry to my other secular jobs I've had. Though I enjoyed my jobs, I could take them or leave them. They were just jobs. I wasn't so emotionally attached as to the ministry. There was a separation to some degree for me, especially when I worked w/ state positions. God is the foundation of my life. Ministry is entwined to the very core of me. I guess that is what is so hard for me. Ministering is a call of God & yet it is the way that God provides for our family.
I've been comparing the ministry to my other secular jobs I've had. Though I enjoyed my jobs, I could take them or leave them. They were just jobs. I wasn't so emotionally attached as to the ministry. There was a separation to some degree for me, especially when I worked w/ state positions. God is the foundation of my life. Ministry is entwined to the very core of me. I guess that is what is so hard for me. Ministering is a call of God & yet it is the way that God provides for our family. Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Love ya, Trace
Exactly...When YP and I were talking a couple of weeks ago about church people and dealing with them, she said, "And just think - we have to do this for the rest of our lives!"
I answered, "No, we don't." But as soon as I said that, I said, "Well, yes, we do." Because the thought of giving up on ministry and going back to how things used to be absolutely KILLS me.
But I know how stressful it is at the same time...I'm thinking bubble baths, manicures, and floofy coffee drinks at you right now!!! I'm not going to say, "Keep on keeping on," because I know how annoying words like that sound at times like these. Glad to hear that you had some encouragement last night...
You know Puppetmaster you are right, words like that may sound trite, but really it's true and still what we need to hear. What's painful is when somebody outside the context of ministry that doesn't know their head from a hole in the ground says, "keep your chin up" and you are thinking, "you have no concept of what I'm going through!" (And they truly don't.) But you know when a sister in ministry tells you that, they have been through the fire and they know how hot it gets!
I agree that baths and floofy coffee drinks are sometimes our sanity. I treat myself to something all the time because quite honestly perks I give myself like that keep me motivated and going. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others.
Things are going well here, but I have to tell you today I'm so tired it's incredible. If I could do anything right now it would be get under a blanket and go to sleep but I've got church tonight so of course just like you all...I'll be there with bells on! For me to miss church somebody might as well call 911 because trust me it would be a life threatening emergency. I can't wait til about 10 pm tonight when my head can hit the pillow..........
Oh yes! Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, the shot glass, and the dish set! It saddens me to say this, but there are people right now in the ministry I was forced to leave behind that have taken up arms against me due to ugly remarks and rumors started by my ex-husband who has just been forced out of the ministry last month due to immoral conduct. People have chosen camps, and sadly have found themselves bitterly divided. I try to remember that while I was there, I helped to change the lives of dozens of families. I too wonder "why me?" Why did I get involved in that ministry if it was all to be taken in the end. But I really believe that I served well while there, and that it was Satan who has caused this because we were so effective. I can now, only pray that the ministry is healed over time, and that I can, at some point, continue it here in my new town in my new life. Try not to get too discouraged, but it happens to all of us at some point or another. It's not an easy calling to answer, but we must come when he calls us. We must obey. And yes, those i have served have not always been completely satisfied with how God called me to serve them. In other words, I would do for them what God asked of me, it may not always have been what they wanted. And they can whine, but we are of a higher calling. Lead by your example, and stay close to him. Pray! love, Lw
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...... Then they came for the Catholics, and I was a Protestant, so I never said anything. And then, they came for ME, and there was no one left to speak up. Martin Neimoller, German Pastor, WW2
), I know that looking at the kind of life I could have led, I would have slowly suffocated until I either broke out or died spiritually. I was meant for ministry. It's the only thing that really fits.
Why did I get involved in that ministry if it was all to be taken in the end. But I really believe that I served well while there, and that it was Satan who has caused this because we were so effective. I can now, only pray that the ministry is healed over time, and that I can, at some point, continue it here in my new town in my new life. Try not to get too discouraged, but it happens to all of us at some point or another. It's not an easy calling to answer, but we must come when he calls us. We must obey. And yes, those i have served have not always been completely satisfied with how God called me to serve them. In other words, I would do for them what God asked of me, it may not always have been what they wanted. And they can whine, but we are of a higher calling. Lead by your example, and stay close to him. Pray! love, Lw
