Ladies, I wanted to ask you how do you treat your assistants? Do you feel that they deserve to be treated (I hate to say it) more special than other members. I have a wonderful assistant who helps me in so many ways. But, when I throw parties for her or honor her in a special, many people feel like it is so unfair, and they also torture her, saying that she's a suck up to me. What should I do?
Confront it. Don't put up with that for two seconds. You should honor your assistant, especially the better of a job they do. I believe in giving honor where honor is due just like the bible says. Now, we do not treat all of our employees the same even though they are all on staff. Some do a better job than others. Some give more. So while we honor all of our people to some degree, some are given more. Larry and I do not believe everything should be equal. He always tells the staff - hard work will be rewarded - faithfulness, loyalty, etc. - it all counts. This is whether it's pastoral staff, wives, admin staff, WHATEVER - ministry leaders, etc. etc. Those who prove most faithful are rewarded the most. Those who do the most are rewarded the most. Those who are the best armor bearers are rewarded the most.
If she's being accused of sucking up to you she's probably doing a great job! She should be doing all she can to make your life easier and flow with you in the ministry in which you serve. She's an armor bearer.
If you hear any comments, tell people God has called her to be an armor bearer to you and she's just doing her job. If they question her being honored tell them the Lord has called you to honor those who serve you, especially so adequately.
My asst. is the best I've ever had. I let her know every chance I can to let her know she's valued. Everything from taking her out to lunch, giving her a card, gifts, a bonus, etc. etc.
With my best ministry leaders (lay people) I do all I can for them. Public recognition, little love gifts here and there, etc. go a long way. with my women's team, I always take our picture at least once a year, sometimes twice and I frame it for each of them and give it to them. Sometimes I give a candle, or other personal item. I have them over for dinner, take them out, etc. etc. Whatever I can afford to do, I do.
They are "more special" as you put it, than other members - because they are serving right alongside you in your work. They are your right hand, so reward them. I try to be sensitive to little things. Quite frankly I make a lot more money than my assistant, and sometimes we'll be out and about and I'll want a latte...i realize that is no big deal to me but to her it means the world if I buy her drink or her dessert or whatever. These are not planned outings to honor her or anything, I am just talking about if we would be out doing anything. We do the same with our pastoral staff or spouses. Again keeping in mind, everyone does not work the same and some receive more than others. At Christmas we have a banquet where dh and I give everybody in leadership (staff, board, etc.) a gift that is all the same. However in addition to that gift, we give our staff members a separate gift from us that is personal. They are not all equal in value. Some give more of themselves throughout the year and they serve more. So they should receive more.
I tried explaining this to her. She and her husband are our armorbearers, and they help us tremendously. Sometimes, they have such a hard time receiving things from us. They prefer to just give and give. I feel that we need to honor them more.
Also, will you give me some ideas to celebrate the Founding of our ministry and also what kind of gifts do you give your staff for Christmas -vs- what you give to the lay people? Where do you order your stuff? Do you sop wholesale? If so, where?
For our Christmas leadership banquet, all the gifts are the same and we normally do something like a t-shirt or polo that has a church logo, or a book we want everyone to read, etc.
For personal gifts I do not shop wholesale. I just bargain shop throughout the year. I do not wait til' Dec. For instance, my assistant loves Moulin Rouge. I found a painting that was along the lines of Moulin Rouge, and had it framed for her. She went crazy over it. My dh was like, "uh.......that's a huge gift" (it was, literally - it is a huge picture). But I said anything for her is worth it, with all that she does for us.
With our youth pastor, he is a surfer. I was shopping one day and found this little thing on clearance...it was a surfing hampster that sang a beach boys song when you squeezed it. Most people would have thought this was so dorky but it was perfect for him.
I shop throughout the year and put things away. When you are in the store and you see something that is really them, get it and tuck it away.
You definitely don't need a lot of $$ to make someone's day...here are a few things that I've done to appreciate people that were relatively inexpensive!!
For our YP's and her husband's wedding anniversary, we wanted to do something special for them, but at the time we were (as she would say), "Broker than the 10 commandments." We remembered that they have this ongoing argument about who ate the last Snickers bar in the freezer. So we got them a card and a 6-pack of full size Snickers bars and left it in their house while they were on vacation.
One of my workers had to miss out on an event because she was staying home all day to finish her Master's thesis, so DH and I went out on bought her a "Master's Thesis Survival Kit." We included some chocolate, instant cappucino packets, popcorn, and a journal and pen. All from the dollar store or Target.
Each year at Christmas, I do something homemade for my workers and the church board members...we save up spaghetti sauce jars and peanut butter jars throughout the year, and then decorate them with Christmas wrapping or fabric and ribbon, and fill them with something we've made. Last year we did homemade caramels, and the year before we made Russian Tea and hot cocoa mix. This year I'm thinking about bath salts for the ladies, if I can think of something else for the guys...
YP and I also went out shopping and did "shoebox care packages" for all of the college students who volunteer for us. We filled them with things like granola bars, popcorn, razors, hair goop, and all sorts of goodies that college students would appreciate.
Of course, as a children's pastor, my favorite gifts that I get personally are the little "cards" or "letters" that the kids scribble to me. I've saved every single one that I've gotten. The cutest was from this little girl who was making a card for me, but being helped by her Sunday School teacher, Linda. She was concentrating on too many things at once, so her card says, "I love you, Linda!" She handed it to me, and I caught up with Linda to give it to her, and she said, "No, she was making it for you. She must have heard someone say my name and just accidentally write my name on it, because she asked me where you were so she could give it to you." Priceless.
Absolutely Puppetmaster, those are great ideas and you don't need a lot of money to appreciate someone. Those are great ideas.
I teach and train our ministry leaders on how to build their teams and motivate and keep them. Often they wonder how I get people on my team so motivated for ministry and why they are so committed. I believe two important things are fellowship and appreciation. I encourage them, even if they don't have any money in their ministry account, or personally - do "something". There were times I didn't have anything church or personal budget wise. But almost everybody can afford to have someone over for coffee. In that instance, I would invite my ministry team over for coffee...put it in my nicest china (which was passed down to me by my dh's mother - I couldn't have afforded it at the time!) and just thanked them all verbally for what they were putting into the ministry. This wasn't giving them the world, but it was "something". It was better than just ignoring things and saying, "we don't have any money to do anything around here."
Even though we are in a different situation now, there are still times when church budget constraints may be there. During those times I scale back. Instead of taking my ministry team out for dinner, perhaps I will just have them over for a piece of cake and coffee and thank them. I have made little scrapbooks for them out of colored paper and cardboard, with our team pictures. (Some actually cried when they received them they meant so much.)
Sometimes the less expensive things mean even more.
